[closed]

[sicklysweet]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

Comments

@ fai

[sicklysweet]

[Running a dungeon with Fai isn’t the worst thing. He doesn’t know Fai terribly well, no, but that’s what makes him the ideal partner for this. They can just get through this dungeon with no fuss and no dramatics, get their equipment and materials, and then bounce.

Of course it’s not going to be that simple, though. Of course things are going to be an utter nightmare.

The dungeon ends and Owen stands there for a long, long moment, brow furrowed. “What the fuck was that all about?” is what he wants to say, but instead he turns to Fai and says:]

Owen isn’t even my real name, you know.

[Hm. That does contradict everything he’s said about his name in the game so far.]

[fluorite]

[ All Fai can do is blink for a moment, caught off guard before he shrugs. ]

Fai isn't my real name either.

[ But that's to be expected, isn't it? That their handles aren't their real names? ]

[sicklysweet]

But you have a real one, right?

[Owen looks over at him, curious - all he really knows about Fai is the fact he lives in California, he realizes, but not much else.]

[fluorite]

I do.

[ He smiles, tilting his head. Hm. Does that mean Owen doesn't...? ]

Why do you ask?

[ He doesn't want to make assumptions here—he'd rather let Owen answer that himself. ]

[sicklysweet]

I don’t have one myself, and I know that’s… unusual.

[Obviously. Owen presses his lips together, before sighing.]

At least not what most consider a “real” name, given to you by your parents.

[fluorite]

[ He furrows his brows in thought, letting out a small "hmmm". ]

Well... is the name real to you?

[sicklysweet]

...I haven't thought about it much, but it would probably be less insulting if I wasn't named after an Agatha Christie novel.

[His name is just... a joke, after all. He's just lucky they decided Owen should be his first name and not his surname.]

It's still not something I chose or that was given to me by someone who cared, so does that make it real or not? It just is what it is.

[fluorite]

If you consider it insulting, then maybe it isn't real. Have you given thought to picking a name you like for yourself?

[ It isn't something pressing that Owen needs to do now, but maybe it's something to chew on. ]

i wasn’t planning for this to end up about gender but here we are

[sicklysweet]

…Yes, but not really. I’ve found myself wondering if it’s even worth it to have a name more then what I would like to be called.

[…]

People hear the name “Owen” and they assume I must be a man. I wouldn’t say I am, or that I’m not, but does that mean I should choose a name that means people can assume whatever they want about me? Because how I feel about myself…

[He doesn’t know.]

@ fandaniel

[sicklysweet]

[Whatever happened to him had to have been what happened to Fandaniel, that had him spilling his guts to Owen and telling him all about his “plans”. That means that he should avoid everyone he can, to avoid exposing too much about himself.

Though…

He shakes the thought from his mind, and he makes his way through the streets of Lumina Cloth. He should go and isolate himself because it’s not like he can just log off and wait for the timer to tick down. But speak of the devil and the devil will appear, and Owen sees Fandaniel. Maybe he’s still putting up signs because this thread is backdated, who knows, either way he sees him, and instead of turning away he stops right next to him.]

Do you remember when you nearly ran off the island?

[Hi.]

[trollophoroi]

[ He is! Putting up those wonderful little "keep out" signs still, that is. Fandaniel has made a veritable maze of them around the Lumina Cloth @ homes entrance at this point but when Owen appears and... attempts to stand by him, anyway, he pauses to look up quizzically at him.

There's a forcefield between the two to keep Owen from getting right up next to him but after a second or two of thought, a party invite pops up for Owen to accept. Doing so will allow him to waltz right through the signs as if they weren't even there. ]

Yes? You stopped me.

[sicklysweet]

[Oh! Party invite. He’ll accept that, then, so he can waltz right up to Fandannyboy.]

You said you heard your sister.

[Not like he would have forgotten that. Not everyone has a memory like Owen does.]

I think the voice I was hearing might have been my mother’s.

[Owen isn’t looking at Fandaniel as he says it, but instead at the signs lined up. Keep Out, huh. Sure wish he could be doing that right now!!]

[trollophoroi]

[ That's... weird. After all this time, for Owen to wander up and share that with him? Fandaniel tilts his head, curious, and, admittedly, a little puzzled, but... ]

Ah, is that so? What was she telling you?

ok here is the cw child abuse content

[sicklysweet]

Ah, I was just hearing things like “be good and wait”, “stop crying”, “that thing is a monster”. Nothing all that strange, really, but I still can’t remember her voice, or her face, or anything about her at all.

[Is that really normal things to say…

But not remembering made it easy to dismiss all of the whispers on the islands, when it was just a stranger, but after running into Anaido and Fandaniel and everyone else… It’s gotten him to think.

And in the time between the hall of mirrors and the first appearance of the floating islands, he did some digging, even if he hates that he’s saying anything about this at all.]

I think she tried to kill me, but I’m not sure. I don’t really remember much before I entered secondary school.

[trollophoroi]

Owen, the last part is assuredly a strange thing to say to your child.

[ The other two, yeah, sure, but the last one stings of when everyone in English class learned how to say "monster" and had a fun time calling Amonster, years and years ago, because it was just sooo funny. If it had been other kids calling Owen that... maybe that would have been normal, but... ]

You think? [ He sets down one final sign and turns to face Owen fully, arms coming up to cross loosely across his chest. ] Trauma might explain a lack of memory, certainly. What happened to her?

[sicklysweet]

Is it? Interesting…

[His head tilts, but he still keeps looking away from Fandaniel. The fact this isn’t coming from a willing place is infuriating, and he grits his teeth for a moment.

But he can’t make himself stop.]

I don’t know. I was able to get records from the hospital that named me, but it seems like neither they or the police were ever able to find her. Granted, they couldn’t even find records of my birth when I was in the hospital, so it’s not surprising in the slightest. I was just a ghost of a child in almost every sense of the word.

[His hand pats his stomach for a moment, a seemingly subconscious movement.]

I don’t want to be talking about this. I’m sure you understand why I am, though.

[These stupid dungeons!!]

[trollophoroi]

[ Owen is so very lucky this is before the patch or this might be going very differently. Ah, but that's the future, not here and now, and here and now, Fandaniel listens with his head tilted slightly still, but then the reason for this unexpected honesty becomes clear. ]

I... see. Yes, I do. [ He turns, gesturing towards the @ home entrance. ] Shall we step into a guild? There's no need for any random passerby to hear you spilling your guts.

@ hien

[sicklysweet]

[Owen is at the dog park, dogs in tow. It’s to take his mind off things. He’s hoping there won’t be anybody else in there, and it can just be him and the fake dogs, all alone, until he stops having the urge to spill his guts to everyone he runs across. He wishes he could rip his throat open so he didn’t have to talk anymore, but he’s not desperate to die just yet. Not in this stupid, stupid game, at least.

When he sees Hien there, he can’t even be mad. It’s just his fate that this is how it would end up.]

Ah. It’s you.

[Is there a bench around he can collapse onto… If not he’s just going to take a seat on the grass and immediately get piled by dogs.]

How much do you know about all of us, anyways? Because it seemed you knew enough about Mr. Punisher to really piss him off.

[But there’s no way he has access to anything more personal… right?]

[selfconcept]

[ Mummy head Hien looks over at Owen while sitting down on the grass himself, petting his little black pomchi named he named Rem--not exactly the same as the one in real life, but similar and different enough to make the distinction. It's important to him...

He didn't expect Owen to ask him that right off the bat, but he might as well answer. ]

You refer to him with "mister"?

[ Hien almost snorts while petting his dog. ]

... I have access to everyone's files, but I don't bother looking through them unless I want to. Even then, I don't look at them thoroughly when I need to see their name.

[ Unless he needs to. ]

[sicklysweet]

It pisses him off.

[God, Hien, you look like shit. Even Owen looks better, and he feels so haggard.]

The only information in those files is what we gave CC Corp when creating accounts for the beta, right? Nothing more then that.

[He pats one of the dogs on him, leaning back until he’s laying flat on the ground.]

[selfconcept]

They have a lot of information on everyone.

[ Just saying that he could have gone to Shoka's house and assassinate her if he really wanted to, but it's too much work. ]

What brought this on though?

[sicklysweet]

I explored a dungeon with Fai that means I’m not compelled to expose all of my deep, dark secrets to everyone I meet.

[There’s a manic little giggle. He is totally coping well.]

But what would be the point in telling someone who might already have access to that information anyways? With all of the bits and pieces of our memories this place has exposed, I wonder if you already know about me having no idea who I am or where I came from.

[selfconcept]

Well, even without the information the company gave me, I figured out who you were anyway. But as I said, I don't go gathering information on everyone. Just because I have the information doesn't mean that I go memorizing every single thing for blackmail. I only do it when I need to.

[ It's a very Hien way to show that he kinda cares for others' privacy, yet not at the same time. Either way, he doesn't think it's necessary to snoop around too much on players' information. ]

Though, I don't think they needed to gather information on you to show you the memories that they showed... because you're here. You carry your memories with you.

Did you know that there's a mind reading potion unlockable in profession level 4? It's probably a similar concept.

[sicklysweet]

Perhaps, but it’s strange when it’s memories you can’t actually remember no matter how much you try. What is it about this game that can manage something like that?

[Not that Owen is even sure he wants to know - what would be gained by the confirmation? He can make guesses based on what few memories of his childhood he has and the reports he was able to get before being trapped in here…

There’s something about that thought, about being trapped with no way out and nobody who could - or would - save him from dying in here…

It’s just…

It’s a cold, dark feeling.]

Can you see all of it? Do you know what happened to me?

[selfconcept]

No.

[ He looks at Owen evenly, though his expression can't really be seen past the bandages. ]

I don't know what happened to you. All I know is that your name is Owen and you sang at a jazz bar with a pretty voice. Apart from living with three dogs, that's all I know about you.

[ ... ]

And that you're probably a M.