[closed]

[sicklysweet]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

Comments

[sicklysweet]

You’re such a hypocrite it kind of pisses me off.

[His thumb rests under one of Hien’s eyes, but his touch is still gentle.]

Don’t hold us to different standards.

[selfconcept]

Well, you asked.

[ His eyes close for a moment. ]

And I answered. It's not my fault if you don't like it.

[ They reopen. ]

[sicklysweet]

Can’t you at least try to care for yourself?

[It’s an impossible thing to ask Hien - but what gives Hien the right to tell Owen he should change if Hien will just stay the same?]

[selfconcept]

[ Because he's a hypocrite, as Owen said. Unfortunately. ]

Are you saying that because you want me to care for myself?

[sicklysweet]

[Gives him a look that just screams “obviously”.]

You thought we could have been friends but you thought I’d be friends with a man who doesn’t care for himself? I didn’t think you were that selfish.

cw suicidal ideation

[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien seems surprised, but his expression calms. ]

I'm a selfish bastard. Human trash. My existence was a mistake according to the very people who brought me into the world. Shit sucks. Despite everything, I have the survival instinct to keep myself alive. If I still cared about what people had to say about me, I wouldn't be here.

[sicklysweet]

[Hien is saying all of this to Owen, who just watches him blankly. He's quiet for a long, long moment, but then...]

God, you're an idiot.

[He wants to shake him, but he resists the urge.

For now.]

You can tell yourself you don't care what people think, but it sounds to me like you're still holding on to what people have said about you. That you've decided that it must be true, that you're utterly reprehensible, without ever trying to be anything but exactly what people want. You're still stuck under their thumb, aren't you?

[selfconcept]

If I wanted to be what people wanted me to be, I'd be nice and helpful during the entire game playthrough.

[ Hien won't even get to the other parts because. Well, when told like that, Hien thinks to himself that it must be true after some self-searching. ]

[sicklysweet]

[stupid idiot bastard man]

That’s not what I’m saying and you know it, you stubborn oaf.

[Honestly.]

Unless you really are that much of an idiot.

[selfconcept]

Then tell me in a way that you can make a five year old understand.

[ Speak your feelings loud and clear, Owen!! Smack him twice. ]

[sicklysweet]

[He needs to actually stop and think about how to say this. Fucked up!!]

You seem obsessed with what other people think about you. It seems like everyone you have ever met, who has ever wronged you, blamed you, or assumed you has left a black spot on your soul you can't wipe away, and you try to act flippant and unaffected and like you don't care, but you do, don't you? You just can't admit that you do. You said it's easier to be hated, but that's because you can't admit to yourself you're not as unaffected as you want people to think you are.

[bitch]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien slightly tilts his head, thinking over Owen's words. Perhaps he's doing what Owen suggested, or it isn't, but he doesn't look very offended.

At the end of the day, he wonders— ]

Do you feel like that, Owen?

[sicklysweet]

[...]

Does it matter what I feel? This is about you.

[selfconcept]

Yeah, because I think there's a little hypocrisy in you too.

[ Which Hien finds interesting and isn't actually mentioning this for the sake of winning an argument or whatever. ]

Though, I want to make one thing clear. When I said that it's easier to be hated, I meant that anything is easier than trying to convince someone to get away from an opinion that they're so set on. It's not worth my effort.

[sicklysweet]

Is that because you don’t think you deserve anything better than what gets handed to you?

[He should just drop this, because Hien is a stubborn ass, but…]

If you could change people’s minds and have them realize the truth, would you be happier?

[selfconcept]

No.

[ Because then it would make his motives harder to hide! Gosh, Owen. ]

It's not like everyone can handle the truth regardless, so it wouldn't make me happy. Mostly because caring about everyone to that extent sounds exhausting.

[sicklysweet]

Do you even care about anyone at all?

[Because... gestures at him.]

[selfconcept]

[ He would have normally said no, but... ]

Yeah, I do.

[ He doesn't seem intent on telling Owen who it is though. ]

[sicklysweet]

[Well, that's fair, and Owen isn't going to ask. He's going to assume it's not him, because why would it be? They're not even friends, but whoever it is...]

You should let them know.

[And with that, he drops his hand, stepping back and turning away. Time to go have more miserable conversations somewhere else!!]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien just watches Owen leave and ponders what they just talked about.

He's tempted to call after Owen, but he refrains. Goodbye, Owen... ]