altimit | [closed]

[closed]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It does.

[ Hien sounds confident about it too. ]

Even if you know who you are, if people keep telling you otherwise, most people are inclined to believe it. Then you slowly shift into the mold they made for you.

[…]

Maybe if I died like I was supposed to I wouldn’t have to think about this.

[Though he can’t deny he’s what people think he is, that he’s chosen to be the vile bastard everyone assumes he would be.]

You and me both, but I'm here being scapegoated as usual.

[ Hien feels the same—he's also chosen to be the useless head administrator that people can pin the blame on and hasn't been getting along with most people on purpose. He can't keep up the image if he's being nice to most people. ]

But that's just the easy way out.

"As usual"?

[Not that Hien will answer, he thinks. He's not the one cursed into compulsively dumping their backstory on people!!]

But is taking the easy way out so bad? It's not like there's much reason to stay here, especially now that...

[Now that he's lost what little kept him tethered to life. All he has is this game, now, a facsimile of living, and no idea (or hope) that he'll ever get out. So why keep going? He could just die here, someone who has no records of their beginning who won't get records of his ending.

His body might not even be alive, anyways. It's been so long already, hasn't it? Long enough for him to have starved and withered away to nothing at all.]

[ Hien gives Owen an even look before looming over him from the side, looking down at Owen's face with his mummyhead. ]

... I was framed for killing a child when I was in my teens. Politics and shit. So it's really just another rondo.

[ He slowly reaches a hand out to the side of Owen's neck. It's the same that he almost viciously tore through that one day, now looking like nothing ever happened. A thumb brushes the side. ]

Would you like me to kill you?

[Owen reaches up, touching the bandages on Hien's face. He tugs on one, seeing if he can pull it loose.]

They say third times the charm, not the fourth.

[He doesn't try to move away, just looks up at him with a crooked smile.]

Do you really think you could do what three people have failed to do? Do you want me dead more badly then anyone else?

... Everyone I've ever killed were never personal.

[ But that's exactly why it was so easy. Hien didn't feel emotional attachment to any one of those people.

And for the same reason, this could prove to be difficult—because he sought some strange friendship with Owen. He feels like he finally realizes why he always felt aggression towards him before. But really, it's not anyone's fault but his own.

The tugged bandage makes it unravel just a little, but it's really all that's needed to show that Hien actually has a trace of looking hurt and upset in his expression.

And his hand moves to Owen's neck, pressing down on it rather forcefully with a thumb. ]

[He's not expecting to see that expression, and he's - not really sure what to make it. What does Hien have to be upset about? As far as Owen knew, as far as he assumed, Hien and Owen's relationship was... nothing. He has no reason to care about Owen.

Even with everything that's happened between them, Owen would have thought for someone like Hien it didn't matter. Not when it was with someone like Owen.]

...Is this personal?

[Assuming he's not pressing down on his throat hard enough to keep him from talking.]

Why?

[ Because he wanted to be friends long before he's changing without realizing for half of the things that are happening. But Hien being who he is, he had no idea how to go about it.

But still, none of them are excuses he should be using even if he doesn't know what to do.

... ]

Not personal in that I have a personal reason to kill you.

[ He digs his thumb further in. ]

... I thought...

[ He quietly mutters the following: ]

I thought we could have been something like friends.

[ Surely, this must be laughable considering their history together. ]

…Something like friends?

[He doesn’t have friends. There are people who tolerate him so long as he’s what the expect from him and he can provide something for them, but they’re all basically strangers at the end of the day. Nobody knows anything about him. Not really. Everyone has the images they’ve crafted of him in their mind and their assumptions, but nobody knows who he is.

He’s just someone unknown.

So why would Hien think something like that?]

Why?

[Even someone like Hien wouldn’t want someone like him around. He doesn’t need him and there’s nothing likable about him, anyways.]

[ He digs his thumb deeper in, the fingernail about to break into the skin, but then he gets an idea. ]

... If you want to know, I guess you'll have to stay alive for it.

[HOW’S HE GONNA FIND OUT WHY IF HIEN DIES, HAKI!!!!!]

…Is that supposed to convince me? Goad me into sticking around to solve this mystery? Do you really think I’m going to believe I’m not just some inconsequential specter to you and that you’re not just pulling this out of your ass because it’s easier than being honest?

[ THEN DON'T DIE RIGHT NOW??? EZ ]

I meant right now, you prick.

[ Hien seems exasperated for a moment, but his expression rights itself into being more neutral. At least it seems less emotional than before. Is that good or bad? Who knows?

...

But Hien can't do it anyway, so he relents, withdrawing his hand from Owen's neck. ]

Do I really need a reason? You don't really have anything that I particularly want from you. People can be friends if they just want to.

[dies immediately of a broken heart or some other lame shit]

…Nobody wants to be friends with a person “just because”.

[He stays laying there, looking past Hien to the artificial sky.]

Everyone wants. Humans are selfish and greedy and others are just a means to an end. I’ve never met a person without ulterior motives.

[They don’t exist. It’s just against human nature.]

[ wheeze ]

Will it help you sleep at night if I say that I want to be friends with you because you're hot?

[ Well, like. He is. Owen is hot. But that's not why he wants to be friends. ]

[buffering… buffering…]

No?

[If Hien just wants to look at him, pictures exist. Don’t be weird.]

Then what do you want to hear? "I want to be friends because your singing is pretty and I only want you to sing for me"?

[ Man. Hien was feeling so sad, but now he just looks tired at Owen. ]

"Play the piano for me and make me feel special"? Because I don't know what answer you're looking for to feed into your confirmation bias.

Those are more believable answers than "just because".

[Still not what he wants to hear, but - he's not really sure what he wants, either. He knows what he's expecting. He's still certain that Hien will loathe him just the same as everyone else, and it's not like Owen has anything to offer him. Hien will see the truth of who and what he is and maybe then he'll actually follow through and kill Owen for the shame of being exactly as advertised.]

Why can't you just say you hate me?

Because it's not true. I'm being honest, like you said.

[ He asked!! But he'll also clarify: ]

I don't like a lot of things, but I've only genuinely hated one person in my life. You'll never reach that level.

What makes you so sure of that?

[He doesn’t understand Hien at all…

He finally pushes himself upright, knocking Hien away. He draws his knees to his chest, trying to sort out the mess his thoughts have made.]

You say that but can’t accept I’ll never believe you’re any different from everyone else. Haha…

[ Hien is knocked away, but he just sits next to Owen normally while on the grass. ]

Because I've met shittier people than you, and I don't hate them.

[That’s not much of a consolation, you know…]

…You don’t know anything about me or what I’ve done. You just know I sing and have dogs.

[He misses his dogs… stupid VR game trapping him inside. That’s all he had to live for and now they’re gone?]

So?

[ Owen... he fessed up that he killed people and you're worried about what you've done??--is the vibe that Owen might see when Hien raises an eyebrow. ]

[His nose wrinkles - because, well, he picks up that vibe and there might be a point there.]

So I'm just going to be someone you forget about soon enough. Nobody remembers strangers.

[He pushes himself up to his feet, still unable to stop himself from talking as he brushes himself off.]

So, I'll leave before you can throw me away. Before you leave me for dead like everyone else, and you won't even realize when I'm missing from your life because was I ever really someone worth remembering? Worth being friends with? That's how it'll end no matter how much you thought we could have been friends. Nothing will change that some day I'll just be another piece of your past you'll just gladly forget. I'll die and won't even be a memory that haunts you.

[ Hien listens to Owen talk, staying quiet, taking all those words in.

Then he flicks his forehead when Owen is done. ]

Just because you have abandonment issues doesn't mean you should keep fulfilling self-made prophecies. Stupid.

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cw suicidal (death???) ideation??

cw suicidal ideation

cw suicidal ideation continues... just slaps that on the rest of this thread just in case

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