[closed]

[sicklysweet]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

Comments

[selfconcept]

[ wheeze ]

Will it help you sleep at night if I say that I want to be friends with you because you're hot?

[ Well, like. He is. Owen is hot. But that's not why he wants to be friends. ]

[sicklysweet]

[buffering… buffering…]

No?

[If Hien just wants to look at him, pictures exist. Don’t be weird.]

[selfconcept]

Then what do you want to hear? "I want to be friends because your singing is pretty and I only want you to sing for me"?

[ Man. Hien was feeling so sad, but now he just looks tired at Owen. ]

"Play the piano for me and make me feel special"? Because I don't know what answer you're looking for to feed into your confirmation bias.

[sicklysweet]

Those are more believable answers than "just because".

[Still not what he wants to hear, but - he's not really sure what he wants, either. He knows what he's expecting. He's still certain that Hien will loathe him just the same as everyone else, and it's not like Owen has anything to offer him. Hien will see the truth of who and what he is and maybe then he'll actually follow through and kill Owen for the shame of being exactly as advertised.]

Why can't you just say you hate me?

[selfconcept]

Because it's not true. I'm being honest, like you said.

[ He asked!! But he'll also clarify: ]

I don't like a lot of things, but I've only genuinely hated one person in my life. You'll never reach that level.

[sicklysweet]

What makes you so sure of that?

[He doesn’t understand Hien at all…

He finally pushes himself upright, knocking Hien away. He draws his knees to his chest, trying to sort out the mess his thoughts have made.]

You say that but can’t accept I’ll never believe you’re any different from everyone else. Haha…

[selfconcept]

[ Hien is knocked away, but he just sits next to Owen normally while on the grass. ]

Because I've met shittier people than you, and I don't hate them.

[sicklysweet]

[That’s not much of a consolation, you know…]

…You don’t know anything about me or what I’ve done. You just know I sing and have dogs.

[He misses his dogs… stupid VR game trapping him inside. That’s all he had to live for and now they’re gone?]

[selfconcept]

So?

[ Owen... he fessed up that he killed people and you're worried about what you've done??--is the vibe that Owen might see when Hien raises an eyebrow. ]

[sicklysweet]

[His nose wrinkles - because, well, he picks up that vibe and there might be a point there.]

So I'm just going to be someone you forget about soon enough. Nobody remembers strangers.

[He pushes himself up to his feet, still unable to stop himself from talking as he brushes himself off.]

So, I'll leave before you can throw me away. Before you leave me for dead like everyone else, and you won't even realize when I'm missing from your life because was I ever really someone worth remembering? Worth being friends with? That's how it'll end no matter how much you thought we could have been friends. Nothing will change that some day I'll just be another piece of your past you'll just gladly forget. I'll die and won't even be a memory that haunts you.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien listens to Owen talk, staying quiet, taking all those words in.

Then he flicks his forehead when Owen is done. ]

Just because you have abandonment issues doesn't mean you should keep fulfilling self-made prophecies. Stupid.

[sicklysweet]

[Well, he wasn't expecting the flick or for Hien to just say the quiet part out loud.]

What? I don't have abandonment issues. What are you even talking about?

[selfconcept]

What you just said screams abandonment issues. You're probably not aware of it, but anyway. Stop cycling through it. Friendships are a two-way street. If you give up before it can even begin, it obviously won't work out.

[ He withdraws his hand to fix his bandages around his head. He'll let his emotions stop being perceived now. ]

[sicklysweet]

[He didn’t sign up to this beta to be read for filth.]

…What about you, then? Are you not trapped in your own cycle?

[selfconcept]

Yes, but at least I'm making effort to leave.

[ Starting by making some friends? Yeah. That's how you do it. Totally. ]

[sicklysweet]

Are you?

[He cocks his head to the side, reaching to tug at his bandages again.]

You took the fall for a crime you, presumably, did not commit years ago... and here you are, once again playing the scapegoat for a playerbase eager for someone to blame regardless of how accountable he actually may be. And you're doing it gladly, playing along and making yourself a villain. Are you truly not the same man you were before? Have you tried to change the cycle you find yourself in at all?

[selfconcept]

The playerbase needs something to blame, or their morale would be the in the shitters more than it already is. Communities are strong when they band together, and as long as they can pull that off, they'll be a force to be reckoned with.

... At least I can handle it.

[ Stop tugging at his bandages?? Wow. But Hien just lets Owen do whatever he wants with them. ]

[sicklysweet]

[“I can handle it” says man in mummy cosplay.]

Like the corporation behind all of this isn’t something to rally against? They fucked you over, too, so why not do something about it?

[With the bandages unraveling, Owen places a hand on Hien’s cheek. He leans in, as if looking for something in his expression, and presses his lips together for a moment.]

Is it because letting yourself be hated is easier than proving your innocence, or do you feel responsible for this?

[selfconcept]

[ tell that to your fuckbuddy ]

Why should I bother proving my innocence to people who don't care, for those it doesn't matter? I don't feel responsible for it either, since I warned people to get off the game multiple times.

[ The bandages unravel a little, and the hand at his cheek makes his gaze shift from the grass to Owen's face. His expression is a little unreadable with his flat tone as usual. ]

And it's easier to be hated.

[sicklysweet]

You’re such a hypocrite it kind of pisses me off.

[His thumb rests under one of Hien’s eyes, but his touch is still gentle.]

Don’t hold us to different standards.

[selfconcept]

Well, you asked.

[ His eyes close for a moment. ]

And I answered. It's not my fault if you don't like it.

[ They reopen. ]

[sicklysweet]

Can’t you at least try to care for yourself?

[It’s an impossible thing to ask Hien - but what gives Hien the right to tell Owen he should change if Hien will just stay the same?]

[selfconcept]

[ Because he's a hypocrite, as Owen said. Unfortunately. ]

Are you saying that because you want me to care for myself?

[sicklysweet]

[Gives him a look that just screams “obviously”.]

You thought we could have been friends but you thought I’d be friends with a man who doesn’t care for himself? I didn’t think you were that selfish.

cw suicidal ideation

[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien seems surprised, but his expression calms. ]

I'm a selfish bastard. Human trash. My existence was a mistake according to the very people who brought me into the world. Shit sucks. Despite everything, I have the survival instinct to keep myself alive. If I still cared about what people had to say about me, I wouldn't be here.