[closed]

[sicklysweet]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

Comments

[sicklysweet]

What makes you so sure of that?

[He doesn’t understand Hien at all…

He finally pushes himself upright, knocking Hien away. He draws his knees to his chest, trying to sort out the mess his thoughts have made.]

You say that but can’t accept I’ll never believe you’re any different from everyone else. Haha…

[selfconcept]

[ Hien is knocked away, but he just sits next to Owen normally while on the grass. ]

Because I've met shittier people than you, and I don't hate them.

[sicklysweet]

[That’s not much of a consolation, you know…]

…You don’t know anything about me or what I’ve done. You just know I sing and have dogs.

[He misses his dogs… stupid VR game trapping him inside. That’s all he had to live for and now they’re gone?]

[selfconcept]

So?

[ Owen... he fessed up that he killed people and you're worried about what you've done??--is the vibe that Owen might see when Hien raises an eyebrow. ]

[sicklysweet]

[His nose wrinkles - because, well, he picks up that vibe and there might be a point there.]

So I'm just going to be someone you forget about soon enough. Nobody remembers strangers.

[He pushes himself up to his feet, still unable to stop himself from talking as he brushes himself off.]

So, I'll leave before you can throw me away. Before you leave me for dead like everyone else, and you won't even realize when I'm missing from your life because was I ever really someone worth remembering? Worth being friends with? That's how it'll end no matter how much you thought we could have been friends. Nothing will change that some day I'll just be another piece of your past you'll just gladly forget. I'll die and won't even be a memory that haunts you.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien listens to Owen talk, staying quiet, taking all those words in.

Then he flicks his forehead when Owen is done. ]

Just because you have abandonment issues doesn't mean you should keep fulfilling self-made prophecies. Stupid.

[sicklysweet]

[Well, he wasn't expecting the flick or for Hien to just say the quiet part out loud.]

What? I don't have abandonment issues. What are you even talking about?

[selfconcept]

What you just said screams abandonment issues. You're probably not aware of it, but anyway. Stop cycling through it. Friendships are a two-way street. If you give up before it can even begin, it obviously won't work out.

[ He withdraws his hand to fix his bandages around his head. He'll let his emotions stop being perceived now. ]

[sicklysweet]

[He didn’t sign up to this beta to be read for filth.]

…What about you, then? Are you not trapped in your own cycle?

[selfconcept]

Yes, but at least I'm making effort to leave.

[ Starting by making some friends? Yeah. That's how you do it. Totally. ]

[sicklysweet]

Are you?

[He cocks his head to the side, reaching to tug at his bandages again.]

You took the fall for a crime you, presumably, did not commit years ago... and here you are, once again playing the scapegoat for a playerbase eager for someone to blame regardless of how accountable he actually may be. And you're doing it gladly, playing along and making yourself a villain. Are you truly not the same man you were before? Have you tried to change the cycle you find yourself in at all?

[selfconcept]

The playerbase needs something to blame, or their morale would be the in the shitters more than it already is. Communities are strong when they band together, and as long as they can pull that off, they'll be a force to be reckoned with.

... At least I can handle it.

[ Stop tugging at his bandages?? Wow. But Hien just lets Owen do whatever he wants with them. ]

[sicklysweet]

[“I can handle it” says man in mummy cosplay.]

Like the corporation behind all of this isn’t something to rally against? They fucked you over, too, so why not do something about it?

[With the bandages unraveling, Owen places a hand on Hien’s cheek. He leans in, as if looking for something in his expression, and presses his lips together for a moment.]

Is it because letting yourself be hated is easier than proving your innocence, or do you feel responsible for this?

[selfconcept]

[ tell that to your fuckbuddy ]

Why should I bother proving my innocence to people who don't care, for those it doesn't matter? I don't feel responsible for it either, since I warned people to get off the game multiple times.

[ The bandages unravel a little, and the hand at his cheek makes his gaze shift from the grass to Owen's face. His expression is a little unreadable with his flat tone as usual. ]

And it's easier to be hated.

[sicklysweet]

You’re such a hypocrite it kind of pisses me off.

[His thumb rests under one of Hien’s eyes, but his touch is still gentle.]

Don’t hold us to different standards.

[selfconcept]

Well, you asked.

[ His eyes close for a moment. ]

And I answered. It's not my fault if you don't like it.

[ They reopen. ]

[sicklysweet]

Can’t you at least try to care for yourself?

[It’s an impossible thing to ask Hien - but what gives Hien the right to tell Owen he should change if Hien will just stay the same?]

[selfconcept]

[ Because he's a hypocrite, as Owen said. Unfortunately. ]

Are you saying that because you want me to care for myself?

[sicklysweet]

[Gives him a look that just screams “obviously”.]

You thought we could have been friends but you thought I’d be friends with a man who doesn’t care for himself? I didn’t think you were that selfish.

cw suicidal ideation

[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien seems surprised, but his expression calms. ]

I'm a selfish bastard. Human trash. My existence was a mistake according to the very people who brought me into the world. Shit sucks. Despite everything, I have the survival instinct to keep myself alive. If I still cared about what people had to say about me, I wouldn't be here.

[sicklysweet]

[Hien is saying all of this to Owen, who just watches him blankly. He's quiet for a long, long moment, but then...]

God, you're an idiot.

[He wants to shake him, but he resists the urge.

For now.]

You can tell yourself you don't care what people think, but it sounds to me like you're still holding on to what people have said about you. That you've decided that it must be true, that you're utterly reprehensible, without ever trying to be anything but exactly what people want. You're still stuck under their thumb, aren't you?

[selfconcept]

If I wanted to be what people wanted me to be, I'd be nice and helpful during the entire game playthrough.

[ Hien won't even get to the other parts because. Well, when told like that, Hien thinks to himself that it must be true after some self-searching. ]

[sicklysweet]

[stupid idiot bastard man]

That’s not what I’m saying and you know it, you stubborn oaf.

[Honestly.]

Unless you really are that much of an idiot.

[selfconcept]

Then tell me in a way that you can make a five year old understand.

[ Speak your feelings loud and clear, Owen!! Smack him twice. ]

[sicklysweet]

[He needs to actually stop and think about how to say this. Fucked up!!]

You seem obsessed with what other people think about you. It seems like everyone you have ever met, who has ever wronged you, blamed you, or assumed you has left a black spot on your soul you can't wipe away, and you try to act flippant and unaffected and like you don't care, but you do, don't you? You just can't admit that you do. You said it's easier to be hated, but that's because you can't admit to yourself you're not as unaffected as you want people to think you are.

[bitch]