altimit | [closed]

[closed]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

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[ Sorry, next time Owen comes in here to sleep, he'll find Cultist Grunty has redecorated completely. It's going to be a full bedroom, sucker, with lots of pillows, silk sheets, a goddamn nightstand. Prepare thyself. ]

Oh, Owen, don't threaten me with something I would enjoy.

[ Ha ha, is that a joke or...? But anyway. He'll bring his arms back down, stretch them out ahead of him, fingers lacing together so that he can push them out and stretch them, too, aaaand done. ]

Waffles? I am unsure if we have a waffle iron but let us go check the kitchen.

[He will not be prepared in the slightest.]

Maybe it can be a treat after breakfast.

[How can the kitchen not half a waffle iron? Owen will file a complaint with CC Corp if there isn’t one.

But he’ll start shuffling towards the kitchen, making a half-hearted attempt to comb through his hair with his fingers. He’ll need to shower after breakfast…]

If not waffles, I guess pancakes would be fine. American-style ones that are fluffy and sweet…

[Not English pancakes, that are flat and sad and just bootleg crepes.]

I did see them in the little kitchen shop in the mall area, but! We cannot actually keep anything we purchase there.

[ Very rude of the game for that. ]

Ah, but pancakes! Pancakes I can do. You will have to specify how much sugar you want, though. I tend to have a lighter hand on sugar than Americans.

[ But it's off to the kitchen with them, Fandaniel not bothering to put the boots of his skin back on, instead wandering out into the @ home in socks like this was nothing more than a stroll through his own home. There is, of course, a cheerful "good morning, my lords, hehehe~!" from Cultist Grunty on the way there. ]

It’s weird you can’t bring any of that junk back, but if you go to the salon it sticks.

[The rules of this game make no sense…

Owen shoots Fandaniel a look - he’s still in his shark kigu, so it’s not like he can judge the fashion - but does he need to ask how sweet Owen wants his pancakes? What’s the point if it’s not so sweet you want to die?]

I want it so sweet you can barely stomach it.

[ So sweet he can barely...

Fandaniel's step slows and he shoots a look towards Owen, face scrunching in an expression of disgust. Of all the things Owen has said and done, it's that, that, which actually grosses Fandaniel out. Amazing. ]

Surely not.

[Ah. There it is. The disgusted look on Fandaniel’s face is precisely what Owen’s been looking for this whole time, and he cackles.]

What, you don’t want your teeth to rot?

[There’s another burst of giggles.]

I don’t really care how sweet it is, so long as it tastes good and you don’t burn anything.

Somehow I doubt CC Corp included any dentists in the beta test, so, hmm, no, I think I will try and avoid that.

[ What class would a dentist even play, he idly wonders, but soon enough they arrive in the kitchen and he immediately sets about getting a mixing bowl, his pans, oil, and other supplies out for pancakes. ]

However, you do insult me by thinking anything I make will not taste good or that I would ever burn a pancake. Honestly, Owen...

Pity, that.

[A dentist would probably play something boring...

Owen will not be any help at all, instead pulling himself up onto the counter so he can watch.]

You'd be surprised what the most capable people will manage to bungle. There has to be something you just can't do, and what if that was cooking pancakes?

[ yeah boring like macabre dance— i mean ]

If it were not for the fact that pancakes are painfully simple, I would agree that it very well could be, but! No. My pancakes will all be lovely. A dish I've never made before, however, I will give you that. I could very well need to try several times to get it right.

[ Regardless, he's going to go about making the batter. Flour, eggs, sugar, a nice tasting extract or two from in-game plants or monsters rather than a simple vanilla. ]

[debuffs you debuffs you debuffs you]

Well, now I want to see you make something new. It would be fun to watch you struggle, for once.

[Struggle with something that isn't, like. Having emotions and healthy reactions to things, that is.

Owen keeps himself busy just sitting there, watching and waiting and being as patient as he can possibly be.]

Oh? Do you think that highly of me?

[ To think he doesn't struggle? Admittedly, his struggles are purely mental and those tend to be less obvious. On the outside, he functions and he does so very well. Although, for now, all the functioning he's doing is making pancakes, and the kitchen soon fills with the sound of sizzling batter on a hot-buttered pan and the delightful smell of a sweet breakfast. ]

Why don't you name a few things you think I may not know the recipe for? We can make a game of it some other day.

Well, I definitely don't think you're perfect.

[Fandaniel is a total dweeb, after all. He might be a mostly functional adult and a very intelligent man, or whatever, but he probably can't do the splits.

The pancakes smell good, though... He's so hungry. He's also not sure asking an English person about recipes is a best idea - he might have left the country ages ago, but there are some things you cannot forget even if he would hardly enjoy them.]

Let's see... Sticky toffee pudding, mince pies, Eccles cakes, stargazey pie....?

[One of those is a curveball, but he's not telling Fandaniel which one.]

You people and your pies...

[ How many pies do the English have? Only the first two ring a bell, however, and the remaining two earn a puzzled look from Fandaniel before he turns back to flipping pancakes. The first stack is almost ready. ]

What in the world are Eccles cakes and stargazey pies?

What's wrong with pies?

[They're delicious!]

If I told you what they were, would it really be that fun? You could just guess.

[That's part of the challenge! Nobody said it had to be fair.]

[ Pies, pies, pies. He'll make five dozen and expect Owen to eat every last one at this rate. ]

I could guess but I will guess incorrectly. [ Which is what Owen wants, isn't it? Maybe he should just give that to him, the little shit. ] For all I know, you've begun making up food for the fun of it because who actually studies British cuisine?

[He'll do it. He's not a coward.]

Nobody who actually cares about food, but I can assure you that all of those are very real. Perhaps a bit regional or dated, but real.

[Well. He can throw Fandaniel a bone, maybe.]

Stargazey pie is a savory pie. Does that help?

A savory pie. Hmm, I suppose, although I would have assumed a sweet pie. Stargazey sounds too cute for savory.

[ Gazing at the stars, etc, etc. How distressed he will be once the truth behind stargazey pie is revealed, if it ever is. ]

It has that name for a reason, but I won't tell you what that is unless you're really desperate.

[If only it was for a cute reason and not a horrifying one. Owen doesn't even like fish pies so he's just setting himself up for disappointment...]

Be prepared for something completely off base, in that case.

[ Stargazey, stargazey, what could that even be? Well, no matter. The pancakes are all piled high on two, yes, two plates, because he also wants to eat, and then he pulls out whatever monster-based syrup he has on hand to bring along to the table, along with some knives and forks and such.

They're set down. One plate right before Owen, the other by Fandaniel's own seat. ]

I'm sure I'll be impressed with your attempts no matter what.

[Totally not sarcastic at all. Totally.

He finally hops off his perch on the counter, following Fandaniel to the table like a cat who knows breakfast is five minutes late, you monster. Still, after grabbing a fork, he does... pause for a moment.]

Thanks for cooking breakfast...

You are very welcome, my pretty little — and incredibly hungry — Owen.

[ He says that with an obnoxious amount of grandiosity before scooching a chair out and taking a seat. Time to dig in! ]

Really, though, I always enjoy the chance to cook for someone. I never did out there...

[ In that other world, the terrible one. ]

Are you making fun of me?

[Little? He’s so much taller than Fandaniel!

Still, the pancakes are good and he can’t remember the last time he ate before being knocked out, so he polishes them off in no time.]

It seems like a waste to keep this all to yourself.

Hmm, maybe... a tiny bit.

[ Ahahahaha, okay, no, he's just amusing himself at this point. To stave off further bad jokes, he digs into his own pancakes. They are, indeed, good. ]

A waste? [ There, though, he pauses a moment and looks across the table at Owen again, though this is followed by a shrug. ] It is what it is. I told you, I've only the one friend in reality and he isn't local. How could I possibly cook for him?

[Rude!! Not that Owen doesn’t deserve being teased.]

Well, clearly you should move to California. You can feed my dogs, who I’m sure would appreciate the extra attention.

[The dogs. Not Owen, who obviously doesn’t need people to do anything for him because he’s a self-sufficient person who doesn’t need anyone in his life and definitely doesn’t have a fear of connection.]

So I have been told, repeatedly.

[ The move to California part, not the, uh, dogs. ]

Dogs, though... I admit I have very little experience with dogs, which is not to say I would not like them, of course, but.

[ Would they like him? ]

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me when i google stargazey pie... wtf... wtf? wtf???

england is fucked up...

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