[closed]

[sicklysweet]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

Comments

[fluorite]

I do.

[ He smiles, tilting his head. Hm. Does that mean Owen doesn't...? ]

Why do you ask?

[ He doesn't want to make assumptions here—he'd rather let Owen answer that himself. ]

[sicklysweet]

I don’t have one myself, and I know that’s… unusual.

[Obviously. Owen presses his lips together, before sighing.]

At least not what most consider a “real” name, given to you by your parents.

[fluorite]

[ He furrows his brows in thought, letting out a small "hmmm". ]

Well... is the name real to you?

[sicklysweet]

...I haven't thought about it much, but it would probably be less insulting if I wasn't named after an Agatha Christie novel.

[His name is just... a joke, after all. He's just lucky they decided Owen should be his first name and not his surname.]

It's still not something I chose or that was given to me by someone who cared, so does that make it real or not? It just is what it is.

[fluorite]

If you consider it insulting, then maybe it isn't real. Have you given thought to picking a name you like for yourself?

[ It isn't something pressing that Owen needs to do now, but maybe it's something to chew on. ]

i wasn’t planning for this to end up about gender but here we are

[sicklysweet]

…Yes, but not really. I’ve found myself wondering if it’s even worth it to have a name more then what I would like to be called.

[…]

People hear the name “Owen” and they assume I must be a man. I wouldn’t say I am, or that I’m not, but does that mean I should choose a name that means people can assume whatever they want about me? Because how I feel about myself…

[He doesn’t know.]

yay

[fluorite]

[ He gives that some thought. It's certainly more complicated when gender is involved. ]

You at least don't want people assuming, right?

[ Maybe Owen doesn't know how he feels about himself exactly, but that? Maybe he feels strongly about that, at least. ]

cw transphobia....

[sicklysweet]

...People are going to assume, no matter what. They'll decide they know better than I do, and decide there's only one answer to "what I am".

[Nobody would take him seriously, if he tried to say he was neither strictly a man or strictly a woman... If he said he was both, that he didn't care, or that the feelings changed every day...

Well.

He knows what people would think. What they would do to him...]

If people were unsure for just one moment, though... maybe that would be better.

cw transphobia & homophobia

[fluorite]

I understand. Not to the same extent, but when others decide for you, I know how that can quickly turn sour.

[ He's seen it in real life, people taking their own personal issues with someone else's identity out on them. ]

...I think, if you'd be more at peace with leaving them unsure for a moment, then that might be the right decision. [ He smiles, just a litte. ] You'd have a supporter in me, at least.

Re: cw transphobia & homophobia

[sicklysweet]

[Reflexively:]

I don’t need anyone’s support.

[But he relaxes a bit, looking over at Fai.]

…Are you sure you’d want to do that? Really?

[fluorite]

[ He smiles a little, not hesitating at all for once. ]

Of course. It's different, but I know what it's like to be alone. I grew up in a smaller town in the Midwest.

[ And he doesn't think he needs to say more about that. ]

[sicklysweet]

[Ah, that does explain a lot. Not that Owen has much familiarity with the Midwest, but he's lived in America for long enough to know what that means for someone like Fai.]

Maybe Hector was right about this game and there really is some conspiracy to make it as queer as possible.

[Which... it's easier to deflect like that than to actually stop and thing about the feeling of someone... accepting him, with no questions, who might not mind if things changed...]

[fluorite]

It's possible... and yet I ended up with the sole straight man who signed up.

[ And he doesn't want to think about the implications about this beta being filled with queer people, so... ]

Which means that a lot of us understand one another on some level, I think.

[sicklysweet]

[Owen gives him a look, as I sit here and wonder if Owen even knows about Yael and Fai. I don’t… think he does…]

Must not be that straight if he tolerates you.

[Whoever this mysterious man might be…]

But I wonder about that. There are people using this game to change their circumstances, sure, but not everyone really gets it. People can still be cruel if you’re not exactly who they want you to be.l even if they should understand more than anyone else.

[fluorite]

[ most of the game does not know about them, shockingly ]

...Who's been cruel about that?

[ He wants a list, thanks. ]

[sicklysweet]

You know, that could be a very long list.

[Owen's an old hag, after all.]

But before you work yourself up into a tizzy, it's not so much anyone who's in this beta with us. Don't worry.

[He's talking more... general shitheadedness. Everyone in Fragment just assumes he's cis, probably, but that's fine.]

cw homophobia

[fluorite]

You caught me~ I was about to.

[ He would have hunted someone down. Sure, he and Owen might not be friends, but there's a certain level of solidarity there anyway. ]

I have a long list too. Random guys will follow me on the street sometimes, or the parents of students I tutor get really concerned about my personal life.

[ Hopefully Owen feels at least somewhat less alone, knowing this. ]

cw transphobia… amb this thread is so much

[sicklysweet]

Don’t parents have anything better to do?

[He huffs, rolling his eyes. He gets it, though. People always get so nosy about things that don’t matter to them out of misplaced concern.

Like being gay means you don’t have morals.]

…Before I moved to America, I was a soloist at the Northern Ballet Company. I was only there a few years, but everyone knew I was the best in the company. Would never be principal, though, no matter how many years I had spent there, because what role would I dance in a pas de deux?

[It was easier to ignore who - what - he was or wasn’t when it was just him. He’s sure Fai’s had to deal with people trying to put him in a box plenty.]

:tippytap:

[fluorite]

Ah... to have your opportunities squandered like that. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that you deserved better, but...

[ He's saying it anyway, simply because he wants to. ]

[sicklysweet]

Maybe I did.

[Ehhh...]

At least I have - had, at this rate - a job where things like that don't matter. Who knows if I'll be able to return to it if we get out of here, but it was nice while it lasted.

[fluorite]

...At least it was.

[ That's all anyone can really ask for. And he won't fight Owen on whether or not he deserved better—Fai is the last person who should tell someone to think better of themselves. ]

I don't know what will happen with my schooling. Maybe I've been suspended for missing class too many times.

[sicklysweet]

Maybe if we’re obscenely lucky, people will be understanding and everything will all work out. A happy ending.

[If only life was actually that good.]

[fluorite]

Right? I wonder if anyone would even know what we've been through, or if CC Corp would try to cover it all up after the fact.

[ Because he fully expects that to happen. ]

[sicklysweet]

There’s absolutely no way they won’t try to cover this up - but it might be possible to expose them anyways. That might be our best bet.

[Owen wants to see them burn, tbh.]

[fluorite]

To tell you the truth, I'm hoping one of our wealthier friends takes them on in a legal battle.

[ That would be the easiest solution, he thinks. Using money to expose their crimes seems like the only way. ]