altimit | [closed]

[closed]

Who: Owen & people witnessing his no good very bad forced openness.
What: Sometimes dungeon run effects aren't super fun?
When: Early October.
Warnings: gazes... likely mentions of child abuse, neglect, death & violence/physical assault, suicidal ideation, mental illness, ptsd, possibly also gender identity, transphobia and homophobia?? specific cws will be in the threads but this is not going to be a fun time for anyone. yay!

If anyone wants a thread with Owen while under the effect still, I am a) still working on some more starters but b) feel free to ask for one! Or if you want one in the fallout. There won't be anything tied to the event in this post, however, so wait for me over there.

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They have a lot of information on everyone.

[ Just saying that he could have gone to Shoka's house and assassinate her if he really wanted to, but it's too much work. ]

What brought this on though?

I explored a dungeon with Fai that means I’m not compelled to expose all of my deep, dark secrets to everyone I meet.

[There’s a manic little giggle. He is totally coping well.]

But what would be the point in telling someone who might already have access to that information anyways? With all of the bits and pieces of our memories this place has exposed, I wonder if you already know about me having no idea who I am or where I came from.

Well, even without the information the company gave me, I figured out who you were anyway. But as I said, I don't go gathering information on everyone. Just because I have the information doesn't mean that I go memorizing every single thing for blackmail. I only do it when I need to.

[ It's a very Hien way to show that he kinda cares for others' privacy, yet not at the same time. Either way, he doesn't think it's necessary to snoop around too much on players' information. ]

Though, I don't think they needed to gather information on you to show you the memories that they showed... because you're here. You carry your memories with you.

Did you know that there's a mind reading potion unlockable in profession level 4? It's probably a similar concept.

Edited 2023-10-08 00:49 (UTC)

Perhaps, but it’s strange when it’s memories you can’t actually remember no matter how much you try. What is it about this game that can manage something like that?

[Not that Owen is even sure he wants to know - what would be gained by the confirmation? He can make guesses based on what few memories of his childhood he has and the reports he was able to get before being trapped in here…

There’s something about that thought, about being trapped with no way out and nobody who could - or would - save him from dying in here…

It’s just…

It’s a cold, dark feeling.]

Can you see all of it? Do you know what happened to me?

No.

[ He looks at Owen evenly, though his expression can't really be seen past the bandages. ]

I don't know what happened to you. All I know is that your name is Owen and you sang at a jazz bar with a pretty voice. Apart from living with three dogs, that's all I know about you.

[ ... ]

And that you're probably a M.

[He looks over at Hien with a blank look, as if to ask “seriously? what the hell?” before he looks up at the virtual sky.]

…Owen isn’t even my “real” name.

[Depending on what counts as “real” in a place like this, anyways.]

Do you want me to call you by your "real name" then?

[ He isn't making fun of him, and it's a genuine question. Does he? Hien also has name problems for himself, and he wonders if Owen does too. ]

I don’t know what it would be.

[He pats the borzoi laying over his stomach.]

Owen is what the doctor decided to call me after I, apparently, talked about want a boy’s name. […] The Christie is because he thought he was being funny. I never thought about changing to anything else because… I wasn’t sure it ever mattered.

[He’s not sure it does.]

[ Being given a name just like that... Hien feels a little jealous. He'd probably laugh if he understood the Christie reference, but he does not. ]

You apparently wanted a new name, and it was given to you.

[ He slightly tilts his head. ]

Do you feel comfortable in it? Do you feel that it's yours, Owen?

New name? That would imply I had an old name to replace.

[He mulls over that question for a moment.]

I don’t know. I’m not sure anything feels like mine. You spend so long knowing nothing about yourself beyond what people tell you you are, and when does that become you? Will it ever?

It does.

[ Hien sounds confident about it too. ]

Even if you know who you are, if people keep telling you otherwise, most people are inclined to believe it. Then you slowly shift into the mold they made for you.

[…]

Maybe if I died like I was supposed to I wouldn’t have to think about this.

[Though he can’t deny he’s what people think he is, that he’s chosen to be the vile bastard everyone assumes he would be.]

You and me both, but I'm here being scapegoated as usual.

[ Hien feels the same—he's also chosen to be the useless head administrator that people can pin the blame on and hasn't been getting along with most people on purpose. He can't keep up the image if he's being nice to most people. ]

But that's just the easy way out.

"As usual"?

[Not that Hien will answer, he thinks. He's not the one cursed into compulsively dumping their backstory on people!!]

But is taking the easy way out so bad? It's not like there's much reason to stay here, especially now that...

[Now that he's lost what little kept him tethered to life. All he has is this game, now, a facsimile of living, and no idea (or hope) that he'll ever get out. So why keep going? He could just die here, someone who has no records of their beginning who won't get records of his ending.

His body might not even be alive, anyways. It's been so long already, hasn't it? Long enough for him to have starved and withered away to nothing at all.]

[ Hien gives Owen an even look before looming over him from the side, looking down at Owen's face with his mummyhead. ]

... I was framed for killing a child when I was in my teens. Politics and shit. So it's really just another rondo.

[ He slowly reaches a hand out to the side of Owen's neck. It's the same that he almost viciously tore through that one day, now looking like nothing ever happened. A thumb brushes the side. ]

Would you like me to kill you?

[Owen reaches up, touching the bandages on Hien's face. He tugs on one, seeing if he can pull it loose.]

They say third times the charm, not the fourth.

[He doesn't try to move away, just looks up at him with a crooked smile.]

Do you really think you could do what three people have failed to do? Do you want me dead more badly then anyone else?

... Everyone I've ever killed were never personal.

[ But that's exactly why it was so easy. Hien didn't feel emotional attachment to any one of those people.

And for the same reason, this could prove to be difficult—because he sought some strange friendship with Owen. He feels like he finally realizes why he always felt aggression towards him before. But really, it's not anyone's fault but his own.

The tugged bandage makes it unravel just a little, but it's really all that's needed to show that Hien actually has a trace of looking hurt and upset in his expression.

And his hand moves to Owen's neck, pressing down on it rather forcefully with a thumb. ]

[He's not expecting to see that expression, and he's - not really sure what to make it. What does Hien have to be upset about? As far as Owen knew, as far as he assumed, Hien and Owen's relationship was... nothing. He has no reason to care about Owen.

Even with everything that's happened between them, Owen would have thought for someone like Hien it didn't matter. Not when it was with someone like Owen.]

...Is this personal?

[Assuming he's not pressing down on his throat hard enough to keep him from talking.]

Why?

[ Because he wanted to be friends long before he's changing without realizing for half of the things that are happening. But Hien being who he is, he had no idea how to go about it.

But still, none of them are excuses he should be using even if he doesn't know what to do.

... ]

Not personal in that I have a personal reason to kill you.

[ He digs his thumb further in. ]

... I thought...

[ He quietly mutters the following: ]

I thought we could have been something like friends.

[ Surely, this must be laughable considering their history together. ]

…Something like friends?

[He doesn’t have friends. There are people who tolerate him so long as he’s what the expect from him and he can provide something for them, but they’re all basically strangers at the end of the day. Nobody knows anything about him. Not really. Everyone has the images they’ve crafted of him in their mind and their assumptions, but nobody knows who he is.

He’s just someone unknown.

So why would Hien think something like that?]

Why?

[Even someone like Hien wouldn’t want someone like him around. He doesn’t need him and there’s nothing likable about him, anyways.]

[ He digs his thumb deeper in, the fingernail about to break into the skin, but then he gets an idea. ]

... If you want to know, I guess you'll have to stay alive for it.

[HOW’S HE GONNA FIND OUT WHY IF HIEN DIES, HAKI!!!!!]

…Is that supposed to convince me? Goad me into sticking around to solve this mystery? Do you really think I’m going to believe I’m not just some inconsequential specter to you and that you’re not just pulling this out of your ass because it’s easier than being honest?

[ THEN DON'T DIE RIGHT NOW??? EZ ]

I meant right now, you prick.

[ Hien seems exasperated for a moment, but his expression rights itself into being more neutral. At least it seems less emotional than before. Is that good or bad? Who knows?

...

But Hien can't do it anyway, so he relents, withdrawing his hand from Owen's neck. ]

Do I really need a reason? You don't really have anything that I particularly want from you. People can be friends if they just want to.

[dies immediately of a broken heart or some other lame shit]

…Nobody wants to be friends with a person “just because”.

[He stays laying there, looking past Hien to the artificial sky.]

Everyone wants. Humans are selfish and greedy and others are just a means to an end. I’ve never met a person without ulterior motives.

[They don’t exist. It’s just against human nature.]

[ wheeze ]

Will it help you sleep at night if I say that I want to be friends with you because you're hot?

[ Well, like. He is. Owen is hot. But that's not why he wants to be friends. ]

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cw suicidal (death???) ideation??

cw suicidal ideation

cw suicidal ideation continues... just slaps that on the rest of this thread just in case

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