Who ⚔ Yael & assorted nerds What ⚔ A dungeon run and other things When ⚔ After the party Where ⚔ Errywhere Content Warnings ⚔ Men with their tits out? Alcohol??? No correlation there surprisingly. nsfw i'm sorry mom
Fixing my hair. I think that's more important than just about anything else.
[ Fai would never admit it, but he missed having his long hair now that there was no way for them to log out. While he feels perpetually off, fixing this one little thing has helped him feel a little bit more centered.
He whirls around, landing a light little kick to Yael's calf. ]
You look awkward, standing there like you just loaded in.
Fixing your hair, eh? It's a little short for that.
[About the same length as his, to be exact... unless Yuui did something with his avatar's hair. Hooking a finger into that fleecy hood, Yael tugs it down and gets a good look at Yuui's long, luscious locks.]
Hyuu~
[ :^) ]
That's more like it. Now if only you'd wear it down more often. Why hide it in a ponytail?
[ He reaches out to smack Yael for that little imitation, using the extra length of his sleeve to do so. What a shame that his bad behavior charms Fai so much, the smile on his face making it obvious that he's already being pulled in by Yael's terrible charm. ]
[Yuui's just going to have to settle for whatever the uncreative Yael comes up with, pulling his hair loose and combing his fingers through it before separating the strands into three segments and beginning to braid.]
Come to think of it, I can pull on your hair as hard as I want to here, can't I? No need to worry about going bald.
[When has Yael ever shied away from a threat? He tugs on Yuui's hair, but it's not because he's trying to incite him. No, he'll know why just as soon as Yael finishes braiding his hair and marches him towards the nearest reflective surface, tossing a completed French braid over his shoulder.]
Are you going to ticket me? Go easy on me, officer. It's been a few years since I've braided hair.
[ Fai takes time making his assessment, his fingers stroking along hair that feels all too real now. ]
Hm. Not bad. I'll let you off easy this time. But if you fail next time... I'll grab some of those butterfly clips I've seen and put them in your hair.
[The shiver that runs up his spine is inexplicable, something Yael is content to ignore in favor of paying attention to the man in front of him. Yael squeezes his hands tightly in his own.]
Well, suit yourself. Just don't get too attached to this place.
[Yael tips his chin towards the mall proper: lead on.]
[ He opts to let go of one of Yael's hands just so they can start to walk through the empty mall. It's a little eerie, but it's much better than a flesh wall dungeon. Even so, there's a strange sort of discomfort in the way Fai walks, as if he's trying to hold himself back.
At least Yael doesn't have to prompt it from him. ]
You know... I visited a dungeon earlier. [ With a sigh, he shakes his head. That urge to spill one of his best kept secrets is bubbling up in his chest again and he can't take it anymore. ] I was late because I was trying to push back the effect from it.
[A bit odd that Yuui doesn't keep hold of one of his hands as they walk through the largely vacant mall, but Yael doesn't make a fuss about it. What's more unusual is the mention of a certain dungeon... or rather, the effect it had on him.
Yael hums some little noncommittal noise, but he's more curious than he lets on.]
[ It's out of his mouth before Fai can even say that it's a secret, the compulsion bubbling up so strongly in his throat that he can't say anything else. ]
I'm the reason why my brother is dead. I got him killed. It should have been me.
To Yael's credit, he carries on walking as if Yuui didn't just drop that massive secret in his lap. He's the reason his brother is dead? Hard to fathom. Harder to believe.
Yael has half a mind to drop this conversation wholesale, give Yuui some halfassed acknowledgement and let him pretend like he didn't just admit to getting his brother killed, but he won't. Enabling the man to lie and hide and obscure these things will only hurt him in the long run, so Yael stops, turns to face Yuui, and locks eyes with him.]
Yeah? You're going to need to explain that one in detail.
[There's no judgment in Yael's voice. How could there be? He's killed more than a few good men.]
[ He breathes in, and it's like his breath catches in his throat before he shakily breathes back out. Fai knew that Yael wouldn't let this go, would want the plain, horrible truth laid out in front of him.
His heart clenches painfully, but he finally opens his mouth to speak, his words in a perfect monotone. If he can pretend he isn't the one saying it, maybe it will be easier. ]
...He never looked out for me. Growing up, he'd always look the other way. I had a glass thrown at me at the dinner table? Well, the wall was a lot more interesting than that.
[ Incident after incident, he was always the target while his brother was the "good" one. No matter what Fai—Yuui—did, no matter what grades he achieved or scholarships he won, he'd find himself locked out of the house or conveniently forgotten for dinner. Tenuous situations like that encourage keeping to oneself, but he still couldn't find it in him to get over the bitterness he held for his brother anyway. ]
He'd never say anything to me about it. He pretended like none of those things ever happened. So I asked him why. [ He pauses, glancing at Yael just to see the look on his face before his eyes drift back to the floor. ] He apologized, said he would never do it again. Then, the next week he takes a bullet for me.
...I shouldn't have asked him. I shouldn't have said anything. If I let it be, he'd still be here.
[So that's how it is. Raised in an abusive household, Fai stayed silent while his parents focused on antagonizing Yuui. What's a child to do? At that age, lacking in worldly experience and ruled by fear, there was nothing else Fai could've done. To that end, there was nothing Yuui could've done about it either.
It isn't fair, but of course it isn't. Yael snatches up Yuui's hand and holds onto it tightly to make a point: he isn't letting go. Dragging him over to a bench to sit, Yael's eyes are on Yuui's no matter how pointedly he stares at the floor.]
Your brother was just as afraid as you were. That young, it's hard to know any better.
[His grip on Yuui's hand tightens.]
But you have no excuse. You know he did what he did because that was his choice. Because he cared about you.
[Nobody takes a bullet for someone they don't love.]
[ He can practically feel Yael's eyes boring into him, so much so that he can't bring himself to look at his face, even as he squeezes his hand. ]
...I wish I could have seen it before. I wish that it didn't take his death for me to realize it.
[ That's what hurts the most, he thinks. All of the time he's lost with his brother because of the bitterness he's been holding inside his heart this whole time.
A significant part of him wishes he didn't hold onto negative emotions like that, let them burrow deep inside of him until they become a dull pain aching at the back of his mind. And yet... he does. He can't help it. ]
[Yael knows Yuui can't help but dwell and fixate on the past. Given the circumstances, how could he not?
There's no convincing Yuui that he's wrong to carry all that guilt on his shoulders— not here, not now, and not without the supervision of a licensed therapist. What can he do but wind an arm around Yuui's shoulders and hold him in the hopes that might ward off some of the pain? It isn't much, but it's all Yael can think to do.]
You're only human. Even if you had seen it before, your mind would be stuck on other regrets. That's how it goes when someone you love goes too soon.
[ It at least seems to help, his shoulders relaxing ever so slightly as he breathes out a long held in sigh. ]
Mm, I suppose you're right.
[ Yael knows how his mind works too well, he thinks. Though he knows that comes from a place of similarity in the way their minds operate, stuck in their past regrets despite all the effort they put in to push them back. ]
[Yael rests the side of his head against Yuui's. He knows from a wealth of experience, unfortunately, his acknowledgement silent save for a low hum.]
I try to look at things realistically. That's all. The best thing you can do to carry on your brother's memory is live. If he saw you moping and blaming yourself like this, I bet he'd kick your ass.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Fai would never admit it, but he missed having his long hair now that there was no way for them to log out. While he feels perpetually off, fixing this one little thing has helped him feel a little bit more centered.
He whirls around, landing a light little kick to Yael's calf. ]
You look awkward, standing there like you just loaded in.
no subject
[About the same length as his, to be exact... unless Yuui did something with his avatar's hair. Hooking a finger into that fleecy hood, Yael tugs it down and gets a good look at Yuui's long, luscious locks.]
Hyuu~
[ :^) ]
That's more like it. Now if only you'd wear it down more often. Why hide it in a ponytail?
no subject
To bother you specifically.
[ Heh. Hehehe. ]
no subject
[One hell of a sexy gnat. Bend over and show him that thorax, bitch.]
I'll pull it out if you don't. If you're worried about it tangling, I'll brush it out for you later.
no subject
Brushing it out... it almost makes Yuui feel like a horse with Yael as his very own horse girl. He smothers a laugh at the thought. ]
Are you good at braiding? I'd let you do that to my hair.
no subject
Why don't you turn around and find out for yourself?
no subject
[ He'll do just that, turning around right in front of Yael. ]
Do whatever you like.
[ Pigtails will be fine too, but he's aware that Yael knows he lacks any sort of shame. ]
They even have hair accessories in some of the stores here if you're lacking an imagination.
no subject
[Yuui's just going to have to settle for whatever the uncreative Yael comes up with, pulling his hair loose and combing his fingers through it before separating the strands into three segments and beginning to braid.]
Come to think of it, I can pull on your hair as hard as I want to here, can't I? No need to worry about going bald.
no subject
[ He doesn't move away from Yael, figuring that the threat underneath his words is scary enough.
Well, unless Yael likes the idea of a threat. Hm. Maybe he miscalculated. ]
no subject
Are you going to ticket me? Go easy on me, officer. It's been a few years since I've braided hair.
no subject
Hm. Not bad. I'll let you off easy this time. But if you fail next time... I'll grab some of those butterfly clips I've seen and put them in your hair.
no subject
Understood. I'll bring my A game next time. Anyway... what did you want to come here for? Tell me you're a destination shopper.
no subject
I wanted to spend some time with you here... in a place that reminded me of the real world.
[ Fai smiles, but it's tinged with the knowledge that he's putting a damper on the good atmosphere that's been built between them. ]
no subject
[The shiver that runs up his spine is inexplicable, something Yael is content to ignore in favor of paying attention to the man in front of him. Yael squeezes his hands tightly in his own.]
Well, suit yourself. Just don't get too attached to this place.
[Yael tips his chin towards the mall proper: lead on.]
no subject
At least Yael doesn't have to prompt it from him. ]
You know... I visited a dungeon earlier. [ With a sigh, he shakes his head. That urge to spill one of his best kept secrets is bubbling up in his chest again and he can't take it anymore. ] I was late because I was trying to push back the effect from it.
no subject
Yael hums some little noncommittal noise, but he's more curious than he lets on.]
That bad, huh? What kind of effect was it?
no subject
I'm the reason why my brother is dead. I got him killed. It should have been me.
[ ...Ah. ]
no subject
To Yael's credit, he carries on walking as if Yuui didn't just drop that massive secret in his lap. He's the reason his brother is dead? Hard to fathom. Harder to believe.
Yael has half a mind to drop this conversation wholesale, give Yuui some halfassed acknowledgement and let him pretend like he didn't just admit to getting his brother killed, but he won't. Enabling the man to lie and hide and obscure these things will only hurt him in the long run, so Yael stops, turns to face Yuui, and locks eyes with him.]
Yeah? You're going to need to explain that one in detail.
[There's no judgment in Yael's voice. How could there be? He's killed more than a few good men.]
cw abuse
His heart clenches painfully, but he finally opens his mouth to speak, his words in a perfect monotone. If he can pretend he isn't the one saying it, maybe it will be easier. ]
...He never looked out for me. Growing up, he'd always look the other way. I had a glass thrown at me at the dinner table? Well, the wall was a lot more interesting than that.
[ Incident after incident, he was always the target while his brother was the "good" one. No matter what Fai—Yuui—did, no matter what grades he achieved or scholarships he won, he'd find himself locked out of the house or conveniently forgotten for dinner. Tenuous situations like that encourage keeping to oneself, but he still couldn't find it in him to get over the bitterness he held for his brother anyway. ]
He'd never say anything to me about it. He pretended like none of those things ever happened. So I asked him why. [ He pauses, glancing at Yael just to see the look on his face before his eyes drift back to the floor. ] He apologized, said he would never do it again. Then, the next week he takes a bullet for me.
...I shouldn't have asked him. I shouldn't have said anything. If I let it be, he'd still be here.
[ And I wouldn't have to live with the guilt. ]
no subject
It isn't fair, but of course it isn't. Yael snatches up Yuui's hand and holds onto it tightly to make a point: he isn't letting go. Dragging him over to a bench to sit, Yael's eyes are on Yuui's no matter how pointedly he stares at the floor.]
Your brother was just as afraid as you were. That young, it's hard to know any better.
[His grip on Yuui's hand tightens.]
But you have no excuse. You know he did what he did because that was his choice. Because he cared about you.
[Nobody takes a bullet for someone they don't love.]
no subject
...I wish I could have seen it before. I wish that it didn't take his death for me to realize it.
[ That's what hurts the most, he thinks. All of the time he's lost with his brother because of the bitterness he's been holding inside his heart this whole time.
A significant part of him wishes he didn't hold onto negative emotions like that, let them burrow deep inside of him until they become a dull pain aching at the back of his mind. And yet... he does. He can't help it. ]
no subject
There's no convincing Yuui that he's wrong to carry all that guilt on his shoulders— not here, not now, and not without the supervision of a licensed therapist. What can he do but wind an arm around Yuui's shoulders and hold him in the hopes that might ward off some of the pain? It isn't much, but it's all Yael can think to do.]
You're only human. Even if you had seen it before, your mind would be stuck on other regrets. That's how it goes when someone you love goes too soon.
no subject
Mm, I suppose you're right.
[ Yael knows how his mind works too well, he thinks. Though he knows that comes from a place of similarity in the way their minds operate, stuck in their past regrets despite all the effort they put in to push them back. ]
...You know from experience, don't you?
no subject
I try to look at things realistically. That's all. The best thing you can do to carry on your brother's memory is live. If he saw you moping and blaming yourself like this, I bet he'd kick your ass.
no subject
[ With a soft laugh, he rests a hand on Yael's thigh, letting the warmth of his skin bleed into his palm. ]
I wish I moped less, but I think it's just part of me now.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
oh yeah this is nsfw
:gasp:
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)