Who ⚔ Yael & assorted nerds What ⚔ A dungeon run and other things When ⚔ After the party Where ⚔ Errywhere Content Warnings ⚔ Men with their tits out? Alcohol??? No correlation there surprisingly. nsfw i'm sorry mom
[The hurt in Fai's voice is clear. It's as jarring as broken glass, as painful as a bullet to the heart, but why?
As this conversation drags on, Yael's vexation — his frustration — only mounts. He swivels, tossing his legs off the side of the bed, and pulls on his underwear. His back stays turned to Fai as he shakes his head.]
America? The Bay Area? I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never been to the states.
Oh, this is so much worse than he thought it was. ]
Sheza Mohsen. You're twenty-nine years old. You're from Asyut, Egypt. You moved to the US a few years ago after joining the military, and you're stationed in the Bay Area.
[ He rattles off each fact quickly and without any sort of hesitation. Fai has a point to prove here, and he isn't going to let go of this situation until he gets to the bottom of it.
He needs to know how much Yael has forgotten, and he needs Yael to know how much he knows about him. ]
Your parents passed when you were young, but you were adopted by Mohammed. He taught you how to kill.
[There's no way Fai would know this much about him without knowing him, right? No, there are ways he could have stumbled across this information with a bit of careful digging and a pinch of tenacity, but why would he? And when he sounds so sure of the fact, could it really be that this man is living a delusion while Yael, memory clearly failing him, is in the right?
His sigh is audible in the dimly lit room, mattress groaning beneath his weight. Yael sits with his head in his hands, nursing a headache.]
So you know all about me. That doesn't explain why you've been sleeping with a man who's about to get married.
[Everything Fai is saying is making him regret staying. It's all bullshit, nonsense, baseless, and yet it crawls under his skin and sets him aflame. What the hell does he know? That's what the look on Yael's face says when he whips his head around to scowl at him, but he irons out his frustration quickly, flattening it out into something stone cold and emotionless.]
My boyfriend...
[Bullshit. With Fai already upset and Yael not wanting to upset him more, Yael keeps his mouth shut and doesn't say what he's thinking.]
What are you trying to say?
[That she left me? The first thought that comes to Yael's mind is the one that prays hardest on his insecurities. In recent years, her family's come into money, and with money came efforts to separate themselves from their unsightly past. Yael, a rough-edged street urchin, is part of that past.
Aida's been distant lately, but she's just going through a difficult time right now, isn't she? There's no way she'd break off their engagement. Not after they grew up together, spent their whole lives together. Their love is stronger than that.]
[ He hates the way Yael quickly smooths over his own expression, probably to spare Fai the brunt of his anger. It makes something in his heart twist painfully, and he has to suppress the reason why seeing those emotions get locked up hurts him so much. He can't let himself think it, not now.
So, Fai allows his hand to rest on Yael's shoulder—lightly, gingerly, so much so that his fingers will flutter away at the slightest shrug off. ]
She chose to end your engagement. I didn't ask for every little detail, but you told me that she went with her family's wishes.
[ His voice is soft, almost monotone. He doesn't like delivering this news, doesn't relish in it. ]
[It's like Fai expects his hand to be shrugged off. Yael will meet his expectations and then some, jerking up and away to make a gap in the blinds and peer off into the endless twilight. Anything is better than looking at the man who he, inexplicably, loves. But there can't be room for two in his heart. It's simply not that big.]
...Hah. Her family.
[He was never on the best terms with her family, but they were civil once. If you love him, dear, then follow your heart. So much for that. Yael clicks his tongue.]
They never did like me. Too rough around the edges. A ticking time bomb, what with my military background.
[But.]
It doesn't make sense. [But it does. It makes too much sense, and it hurts.] Choosing her family over me... They must've threatened her. There's no way she'd make that decision on her own. No way.
[But she did. She is and always has been strong-willed and hard-headed. She isn't the kind of woman you can push around. Never has been.]
[ He shifts on the bed, far enough that he can pull the black leggings he had discarded last night. It feels strange being completely nude around Yael right now.
Fai doesn't say anything, knowing full well that Aida made that decision for herself, knowing that Yael also knows she did. Sometimes, family is more important than a lover.
Sometimes... people leave. ]
Yet she made the decision anyway. [ Fai chances a glance at him. ] I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you.
[There's no point in looking at Fai now. Yael can hear the vexation in his voice and it's enough to tell him that he's upset the man, but what does that matter? Is he supposed to believe they're lovers? That Fai won't ultimately find some excuse to leave him too?
Yael turns around, walks on stiff legs to grab his pants, his shirt, getting dressed and heading for the door.]
Whatever we have here, Fai? We're done. Go run off and find someone who can make you happy.
[Yael leaves, the door shuddering closed behind him.]
[ Fai watches as Yael gathers up his clothes, the sight making his heart twist and his stomach turn in an absurdly painful way. He feels cold, and all he can do is watch as Yael gets dressed.
But his words are what end up spurring Fai into action as his heart finally, finally settles. Without a thought to spare, he bolts up from the bed and follows Sheza out into the main hall, reaching out to grab his wrist. He's still shirtless, and while that's something that would normally bother him, he doesn't care about that right now. ]
I'm not letting you do this. You said you wanted to spend your life with me, and I'm not letting you throw that away, Sheza.
[ The grip he has on Sheza's wrist tightens—he isn't letting go. ]
I did find someone who can make me happy, and he's standing right in front of me. You might have forgotten everything that's happened between us, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let it all go. I promised that I wouldn't leave you, and I'm keeping that promise.
[Forgotten? As if he could. His heart remembers what his mind doesn't and it hurts, aches terribly, all the more so when Fai chases him into the main hall and captures him by the wrist.
Let me go. With me, you'll only suffer.
Yael's fingers curl into a fist, his knuckles blanching white. He can't look at Fai now. He can't, he can't, he can't. Not without his resolve wavering. Not without his heart winning out over his mind.]
You're stubborn. Figures. [He has a type, after all.] Just... give me some time to get my thoughts straight. I won't ditch you.
He has no choice, but when has he ever? Yael stills for only a moment, but it's one that stretches on and on, the silence buzzing in his ears.
Eventually, Yael turns to face him. His eyes are dark, his eyes are heavy, and he isn't in any mood to talk.
Regardless, he will. Yael exhales a sigh through his nostrils and guides Yuui by their joined hands back into his bedroom. He'd rather not talk where curious ears can pick up on their conversation.]
...Why me?
[Why did Yuui choose him of all people? Yael leaves his question intentionally vague.]
[ Fai lets himself be taken back to the bedroom, thankful that Sheza is willing to talk even though it's incredibly obvious he very much does not want to. That's why he smiles, ever so slightly, even when Sheza asks a devastating question like that.
Is his confidence so low...?
Shutting the door behind him with his foot, he's content to simply stand here and hold hands. ]
Well, we have the same sense of humor, for one. We have a back and forth that I know that the two of us enjoy. [ And that's important. ] You see right through me and don't allow me to lie, and I need someone like that. You're smart, but not pretentious. You like to keep things simple and uncomplicated. You like to let me fuss over you, though I know you like to keep that one a secret.
You're also good-looking.
[ He looks up at Sheza. Need I go on? his expression seems to say. ]
[He can't look at Yuui, won't, but his hold on his hand remains tight.
Yuui speaks and Yael listens. His words strike a chord in his heart that his mind simply can't parse. They're words he knows, foreign to the ear but spoken in a language some deeper part of him speaks fluently. The tone of Yuui's voice is fond in a way that makes the corners of Yael's eyes prickle. All the more reason to keep his eyes to the floor.]
...Alright, I get it. [...] I must've gone after you because of that stubborn streak. It helps that you're easy on the eyes.
[And blond. A typical man through and through, Yael loves a blondie.]
So what's the catch? Are you deranged? A nymphomaniac? Got any warrants out for your arrest?
[Yael isn't convinced a therapist would do him much good. Honestly, all sitting down with a shrink would accomplish is sending the poor sap to a therapist of their own.]
But you're pulling my leg if you think you'll convince me I'm some kind of nympho. Get real. Anyway...
[Yael's free hand sifts into his hair, scratching his scalp.]
...You're annoying. [That's the big one. The Main Trait.] You're studying hard, you don't eat enough, and you have a cat. Need me to keep going?
[ Honestly, he thinks Sheza has the higher sex drive of the two of them, but he can also keep up with it so… what does that say about Fai? He doesn’t plan on debating Sheza on that for now, though. Maybe later. ]
Wow, really lovely traits you remember.
[ But he gets the picture for the most part. He hasn’t left despite only remembering Fai’s big trait. ]
[ He visibly brightens, finally letting the wave of shock and sadness that threatened to hit him when Sheza first called him “Fai” again wash over him. With a long sigh, Fai sits down on the edge of the bed, his fingers still holding onto Sheza’s hand. ]
I was afraid you’d forgotten everything. There’s a lot to go over, you know.
[ A half joke. He was mostly afraid that they’d have to start from scratch, that he had lost all that they had built. ]
[Honestly, starting from scratch would probably be a worthwhile endeavor, but Yael's content to call this good enough if Yuui is. Settling beside him on the bed, he flops back and trains his gaze on the ceiling, hand still in Yuui's.]
Sorry for freaking you out earlier. It's just...
[...How could she leave me? No, no. He can't think like that anymore. He can't languish in the past.]
Mm. You know.
[Mmmmbleh. He doesn't feel like talking about it.]
[ He lifts up Sheza’s hand, grazing his lips along the knuckles. He’ll reminds Sheza of all the bits and pieces he’s missing over time, starting off small so Fai doesn’t overwhelm him. ]
You told me about it a while ago. I wanted to know what your relationship was like.
[ Maybe he should offer condolences or say he’s sorry, but they’re empty platitudes and Fai knows Sheza doesn’t want those. ]
It’s hard to let go of a relationship that meant so much to you, especially when you woke up thinking you were next to your fiancée.
[He takes the warmth of those lips with as much grace as he can. His hand tenses, relaxes, and tenses again. Is this really a bridge Yuui wants to cross right now? Stubborn man, but Yael knows in his heart that he fell for this oddball in part because of that stubborn streak. It's times like these where Yael seriously questions his own taste.]
...Right.
[It's embarrassing, thinking back on the moment he realized Yuui was not Aida, how poorly he'd reacted.]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so hostile right off the bat. I didn't mean to upset you.
[ And maybe now Sheza remembers that Fai is as sensitive as he is stubborn—a really dangerous combination. ]
You didn’t leave immediately. I think… your reaction wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
[ Although there’s still clear hurt in his eyes, Fai can at least acknowledge that much. Being asked what he did to Sheza hit a little too close to home, but… he can let that go, maybe. ]
...That's another thing I remember. You're a bad liar.
[Spoken with a laugh, though it's brief. Tentatively, his thumb begins to stroke along the back of Yuui's hand. His body remembers the softness of his skin, how comforting it feels beneath his own.]
It hurt your feelings. You know what you're supposed to do to someone who pisses you off and breaks your heart? Punch them in the face.
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no subject
As this conversation drags on, Yael's vexation — his frustration — only mounts. He swivels, tossing his legs off the side of the bed, and pulls on his underwear. His back stays turned to Fai as he shakes his head.]
America? The Bay Area? I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never been to the states.
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Oh, this is so much worse than he thought it was. ]
Sheza Mohsen. You're twenty-nine years old. You're from Asyut, Egypt. You moved to the US a few years ago after joining the military, and you're stationed in the Bay Area.
[ He rattles off each fact quickly and without any sort of hesitation. Fai has a point to prove here, and he isn't going to let go of this situation until he gets to the bottom of it.
He needs to know how much Yael has forgotten, and he needs Yael to know how much he knows about him. ]
Your parents passed when you were young, but you were adopted by Mohammed. He taught you how to kill.
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His sigh is audible in the dimly lit room, mattress groaning beneath his weight. Yael sits with his head in his hands, nursing a headache.]
So you know all about me. That doesn't explain why you've been sleeping with a man who's about to get married.
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He shifts, letting instinct take over as he places a hand on the back of Yael's head. ]
...Because you're my boyfriend. That's why I know all of this.
[ "Why would I have a boyfriend when I'm about to get married?"
Fai can practically hear the question in his head, so he adds, his voice soft: ]
You haven't been engaged for several years now.
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My boyfriend...
[Bullshit. With Fai already upset and Yael not wanting to upset him more, Yael keeps his mouth shut and doesn't say what he's thinking.]
What are you trying to say?
[That she left me? The first thought that comes to Yael's mind is the one that prays hardest on his insecurities. In recent years, her family's come into money, and with money came efforts to separate themselves from their unsightly past. Yael, a rough-edged street urchin, is part of that past.
Aida's been distant lately, but she's just going through a difficult time right now, isn't she? There's no way she'd break off their engagement. Not after they grew up together, spent their whole lives together. Their love is stronger than that.]
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So, Fai allows his hand to rest on Yael's shoulder—lightly, gingerly, so much so that his fingers will flutter away at the slightest shrug off. ]
She chose to end your engagement. I didn't ask for every little detail, but you told me that she went with her family's wishes.
[ His voice is soft, almost monotone. He doesn't like delivering this news, doesn't relish in it. ]
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...Hah. Her family.
[He was never on the best terms with her family, but they were civil once. If you love him, dear, then follow your heart. So much for that. Yael clicks his tongue.]
They never did like me. Too rough around the edges. A ticking time bomb, what with my military background.
[But.]
It doesn't make sense. [But it does. It makes too much sense, and it hurts.] Choosing her family over me... They must've threatened her. There's no way she'd make that decision on her own. No way.
[But she did. She is and always has been strong-willed and hard-headed. She isn't the kind of woman you can push around. Never has been.]
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Fai doesn't say anything, knowing full well that Aida made that decision for herself, knowing that Yael also knows she did. Sometimes, family is more important than a lover.
Sometimes... people leave. ]
Yet she made the decision anyway. [ Fai chances a glance at him. ] I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you.
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Yael turns around, walks on stiff legs to grab his pants, his shirt, getting dressed and heading for the door.]
Whatever we have here, Fai? We're done. Go run off and find someone who can make you happy.
[Yael leaves, the door shuddering closed behind him.]
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But his words are what end up spurring Fai into action as his heart finally, finally settles. Without a thought to spare, he bolts up from the bed and follows Sheza out into the main hall, reaching out to grab his wrist. He's still shirtless, and while that's something that would normally bother him, he doesn't care about that right now. ]
I'm not letting you do this. You said you wanted to spend your life with me, and I'm not letting you throw that away, Sheza.
[ The grip he has on Sheza's wrist tightens—he isn't letting go. ]
I did find someone who can make me happy, and he's standing right in front of me. You might have forgotten everything that's happened between us, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let it all go. I promised that I wouldn't leave you, and I'm keeping that promise.
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Let me go. With me, you'll only suffer.
Yael's fingers curl into a fist, his knuckles blanching white. He can't look at Fai now. He can't, he can't, he can't. Not without his resolve wavering. Not without his heart winning out over his mind.]
You're stubborn. Figures. [He has a type, after all.] Just... give me some time to get my thoughts straight. I won't ditch you.
[Does Fai trust him enough to let him go?]
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So, he takes Sheza by the hand instead, interlacing their fingers without any hint of hesitation. ]
Let's work on some of it together. Any questions you have, I'll answer them.
[ Please stay. ]
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He has no choice, but when has he ever? Yael stills for only a moment, but it's one that stretches on and on, the silence buzzing in his ears.
Eventually, Yael turns to face him. His eyes are dark, his eyes are heavy, and he isn't in any mood to talk.
Regardless, he will. Yael exhales a sigh through his nostrils and guides Yuui by their joined hands back into his bedroom. He'd rather not talk where curious ears can pick up on their conversation.]
...Why me?
[Why did Yuui choose him of all people? Yael leaves his question intentionally vague.]
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Is his confidence so low...?
Shutting the door behind him with his foot, he's content to simply stand here and hold hands. ]
Well, we have the same sense of humor, for one. We have a back and forth that I know that the two of us enjoy. [ And that's important. ] You see right through me and don't allow me to lie, and I need someone like that. You're smart, but not pretentious. You like to keep things simple and uncomplicated. You like to let me fuss over you, though I know you like to keep that one a secret.
You're also good-looking.
[ He looks up at Sheza. Need I go on? his expression seems to say. ]
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Yuui speaks and Yael listens. His words strike a chord in his heart that his mind simply can't parse. They're words he knows, foreign to the ear but spoken in a language some deeper part of him speaks fluently. The tone of Yuui's voice is fond in a way that makes the corners of Yael's eyes prickle. All the more reason to keep his eyes to the floor.]
...Alright, I get it. [...] I must've gone after you because of that stubborn streak. It helps that you're easy on the eyes.
[And blond. A typical man through and through, Yael loves a blondie.]
So what's the catch? Are you deranged? A nymphomaniac? Got any warrants out for your arrest?
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You did say I needed therapy. But don’t you also need it?
[ He grins, that little stubborn streak shining through as he does. ]
We’re both a little messed up, just in different ways. [ He pauses. ] And if one of us is a nymphomaniac, it’s you.
[ Which he can explain in due time, of course. But he needs to know something before he says anything else: ]
What do you remember about me, Sheza?
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[Yael isn't convinced a therapist would do him much good. Honestly, all sitting down with a shrink would accomplish is sending the poor sap to a therapist of their own.]
But you're pulling my leg if you think you'll convince me I'm some kind of nympho. Get real. Anyway...
[Yael's free hand sifts into his hair, scratching his scalp.]
...You're annoying. [That's the big one. The Main Trait.] You're studying hard, you don't eat enough, and you have a cat. Need me to keep going?
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Wow, really lovely traits you remember.
[ But he gets the picture for the most part. He hasn’t left despite only remembering Fai’s big trait. ]
Do you remember my name too?
[ This is the most important thing, he thinks. ]
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[Yael hums, going from scratching his head to rubbing his chin, deep in thought. His name, his name, his name...]
...It's not Fai. That's your twin's name.
[Yael glances at him over his shoulder, but only briefly.]
Yuui.
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I was afraid you’d forgotten everything. There’s a lot to go over, you know.
[ A half joke. He was mostly afraid that they’d have to start from scratch, that he had lost all that they had built. ]
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Sorry for freaking you out earlier. It's just...
[...How could she leave me? No, no. He can't think like that anymore. He can't languish in the past.]
Mm. You know.
[Mmmmbleh. He doesn't feel like talking about it.]
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[ He lifts up Sheza’s hand, grazing his lips along the knuckles. He’ll reminds Sheza of all the bits and pieces he’s missing over time, starting off small so Fai doesn’t overwhelm him. ]
You told me about it a while ago. I wanted to know what your relationship was like.
[ Maybe he should offer condolences or say he’s sorry, but they’re empty platitudes and Fai knows Sheza doesn’t want those. ]
It’s hard to let go of a relationship that meant so much to you, especially when you woke up thinking you were next to your fiancée.
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...Right.
[It's embarrassing, thinking back on the moment he realized Yuui was not Aida, how poorly he'd reacted.]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so hostile right off the bat. I didn't mean to upset you.
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…I think I was going to be upset either way.
[ And maybe now Sheza remembers that Fai is as sensitive as he is stubborn—a really dangerous combination. ]
You didn’t leave immediately. I think… your reaction wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
[ Although there’s still clear hurt in his eyes, Fai can at least acknowledge that much. Being asked what he did to Sheza hit a little too close to home, but… he can let that go, maybe. ]
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[Spoken with a laugh, though it's brief. Tentatively, his thumb begins to stroke along the back of Yuui's hand. His body remembers the softness of his skin, how comforting it feels beneath his own.]
It hurt your feelings. You know what you're supposed to do to someone who pisses you off and breaks your heart? Punch them in the face.
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