altimit | milky's bullshit containment zone

[ He shifts on the bed, far enough that he can pull the black leggings he had discarded last night. It feels strange being completely nude around Yael right now.

Fai doesn't say anything, knowing full well that Aida made that decision for herself, knowing that Yael also knows she did. Sometimes, family is more important than a lover.

Sometimes... people leave. ]

Yet she made the decision anyway. [ Fai chances a glance at him. ] I'm sorry that I had to be the one to tell you.

[There's no point in looking at Fai now. Yael can hear the vexation in his voice and it's enough to tell him that he's upset the man, but what does that matter? Is he supposed to believe they're lovers? That Fai won't ultimately find some excuse to leave him too?

Yael turns around, walks on stiff legs to grab his pants, his shirt, getting dressed and heading for the door.]

Whatever we have here, Fai? We're done. Go run off and find someone who can make you happy.

[Yael leaves, the door shuddering closed behind him.]

[ Fai watches as Yael gathers up his clothes, the sight making his heart twist and his stomach turn in an absurdly painful way. He feels cold, and all he can do is watch as Yael gets dressed.

But his words are what end up spurring Fai into action as his heart finally, finally settles. Without a thought to spare, he bolts up from the bed and follows Sheza out into the main hall, reaching out to grab his wrist. He's still shirtless, and while that's something that would normally bother him, he doesn't care about that right now. ]

I'm not letting you do this. You said you wanted to spend your life with me, and I'm not letting you throw that away, Sheza.

[ The grip he has on Sheza's wrist tightens—he isn't letting go. ]

I did find someone who can make me happy, and he's standing right in front of me. You might have forgotten everything that's happened between us, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let it all go. I promised that I wouldn't leave you, and I'm keeping that promise.

[Forgotten? As if he could. His heart remembers what his mind doesn't and it hurts, aches terribly, all the more so when Fai chases him into the main hall and captures him by the wrist.

Let me go. With me, you'll only suffer.

Yael's fingers curl into a fist, his knuckles blanching white. He can't look at Fai now. He can't, he can't, he can't. Not without his resolve wavering. Not without his heart winning out over his mind.]

You're stubborn. Figures. [He has a type, after all.] Just... give me some time to get my thoughts straight. I won't ditch you.

[Does Fai trust him enough to let him go?]

[ He lets go of Sheza's wrist in a show of trust. But that's the thing, isn't it? Fai trusts him enough to let him go, and yet he doesn't want to.

So, he takes Sheza by the hand instead, interlacing their fingers without any hint of hesitation. ]

Let's work on some of it together. Any questions you have, I'll answer them.

[ Please stay. ]

[Please stay.

He has no choice, but when has he ever? Yael stills for only a moment, but it's one that stretches on and on, the silence buzzing in his ears.

Eventually, Yael turns to face him. His eyes are dark, his eyes are heavy, and he isn't in any mood to talk.

Regardless, he will. Yael exhales a sigh through his nostrils and guides Yuui by their joined hands back into his bedroom. He'd rather not talk where curious ears can pick up on their conversation.]

...Why me?

[Why did Yuui choose him of all people? Yael leaves his question intentionally vague.]

[ Fai lets himself be taken back to the bedroom, thankful that Sheza is willing to talk even though it's incredibly obvious he very much does not want to. That's why he smiles, ever so slightly, even when Sheza asks a devastating question like that.

Is his confidence so low...?

Shutting the door behind him with his foot, he's content to simply stand here and hold hands. ]

Well, we have the same sense of humor, for one. We have a back and forth that I know that the two of us enjoy. [ And that's important. ] You see right through me and don't allow me to lie, and I need someone like that. You're smart, but not pretentious. You like to keep things simple and uncomplicated. You like to let me fuss over you, though I know you like to keep that one a secret.

You're also good-looking.

[ He looks up at Sheza. Need I go on? his expression seems to say. ]

Edited 2023-10-17 00:34 (UTC)

[He can't look at Yuui, won't, but his hold on his hand remains tight.

Yuui speaks and Yael listens. His words strike a chord in his heart that his mind simply can't parse. They're words he knows, foreign to the ear but spoken in a language some deeper part of him speaks fluently. The tone of Yuui's voice is fond in a way that makes the corners of Yael's eyes prickle. All the more reason to keep his eyes to the floor.]

...Alright, I get it. [...] I must've gone after you because of that stubborn streak. It helps that you're easy on the eyes.

[And blond. A typical man through and through, Yael loves a blondie.]

So what's the catch? Are you deranged? A nymphomaniac? Got any warrants out for your arrest?

[ That… just makes him laugh, his fingers loosening around Sheza’s own as he does. ]

You did say I needed therapy. But don’t you also need it?

[ He grins, that little stubborn streak shining through as he does. ]

We’re both a little messed up, just in different ways. [ He pauses. ] And if one of us is a nymphomaniac, it’s you.

[ Which he can explain in due time, of course. But he needs to know something before he says anything else: ]

What do you remember about me, Sheza?

Heh, probably.

[Yael isn't convinced a therapist would do him much good. Honestly, all sitting down with a shrink would accomplish is sending the poor sap to a therapist of their own.]

But you're pulling my leg if you think you'll convince me I'm some kind of nympho. Get real. Anyway...

[Yael's free hand sifts into his hair, scratching his scalp.]

...You're annoying. [That's the big one. The Main Trait.] You're studying hard, you don't eat enough, and you have a cat. Need me to keep going?

[ Honestly, he thinks Sheza has the higher sex drive of the two of them, but he can also keep up with it so… what does that say about Fai? He doesn’t plan on debating Sheza on that for now, though. Maybe later. ]

Wow, really lovely traits you remember.

[ But he gets the picture for the most part. He hasn’t left despite only remembering Fai’s big trait. ]

Do you remember my name too?

[ This is the most important thing, he thinks. ]

Your name, huh.

[Yael hums, going from scratching his head to rubbing his chin, deep in thought. His name, his name, his name...]

...It's not Fai. That's your twin's name.

[Yael glances at him over his shoulder, but only briefly.]

Yuui.

[ He visibly brightens, finally letting the wave of shock and sadness that threatened to hit him when Sheza first called him “Fai” again wash over him. With a long sigh, Fai sits down on the edge of the bed, his fingers still holding onto Sheza’s hand. ]

I was afraid you’d forgotten everything. There’s a lot to go over, you know.

[ A half joke. He was mostly afraid that they’d have to start from scratch, that he had lost all that they had built. ]

[Honestly, starting from scratch would probably be a worthwhile endeavor, but Yael's content to call this good enough if Yuui is. Settling beside him on the bed, he flops back and trains his gaze on the ceiling, hand still in Yuui's.]

Sorry for freaking you out earlier. It's just...

[...How could she leave me? No, no. He can't think like that anymore. He can't languish in the past.]

Mm. You know.

[Mmmmbleh. He doesn't feel like talking about it.]

I do.

[ He lifts up Sheza’s hand, grazing his lips along the knuckles. He’ll reminds Sheza of all the bits and pieces he’s missing over time, starting off small so Fai doesn’t overwhelm him. ]

You told me about it a while ago. I wanted to know what your relationship was like.

[ Maybe he should offer condolences or say he’s sorry, but they’re empty platitudes and Fai knows Sheza doesn’t want those. ]

It’s hard to let go of a relationship that meant so much to you, especially when you woke up thinking you were next to your fiancée.

[He takes the warmth of those lips with as much grace as he can. His hand tenses, relaxes, and tenses again. Is this really a bridge Yuui wants to cross right now? Stubborn man, but Yael knows in his heart that he fell for this oddball in part because of that stubborn streak. It's times like these where Yael seriously questions his own taste.]

...Right.

[It's embarrassing, thinking back on the moment he realized Yuui was not Aida, how poorly he'd reacted.]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so hostile right off the bat. I didn't mean to upset you.

[ He glances away, letting out a short laugh. ]

…I think I was going to be upset either way.

[ And maybe now Sheza remembers that Fai is as sensitive as he is stubborn—a really dangerous combination. ]

You didn’t leave immediately. I think… your reaction wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

[ Although there’s still clear hurt in his eyes, Fai can at least acknowledge that much. Being asked what he did to Sheza hit a little too close to home, but… he can let that go, maybe. ]

...That's another thing I remember. You're a bad liar.

[Spoken with a laugh, though it's brief. Tentatively, his thumb begins to stroke along the back of Yuui's hand. His body remembers the softness of his skin, how comforting it feels beneath his own.]

It hurt your feelings. You know what you're supposed to do to someone who pisses you off and breaks your heart? Punch them in the face.

[ That little thumb movement calms him as much as it flares a bit of anxiety. Things won't be normal after this, they can't be. ]

I'm not that bad. You just see through me better than most people do.

[ But he'll reach over and give Yael a little pap on the cheek anyway. ]

It's one reason why I was drawn to you. You told me to stop lying the first time we met, even though I was lying about something minor.

[He claps his teeth like he intends to bite Yuui's palm for that little pap, a well-practiced movement, but he doesn't go through with it. The anxiety is mutual. They can't go back to the way they were, not even if Yael's memories return to him.]

You'd be happier if you lied less often, that's all, but be honest for your own sake. What you think about yourself at the end of the day matters more than what anyone else thinks.

[...]

Myself included.

[ That little movement pulls out a small smile, and he almost wishes that Sheza went through with it and bit him. Maybe he'd wake up from whatever extended nightmare this is.

Sheza has a point, that much is true, but Fai finds himself shaking his head. ]

I care a lot about what you think about me.

[ Perhaps more than he should. ]

Honestly...

[As if preparing to scold a small child, Yael exhales a weary sigh.]

...You shouldn't. Not where you're at.

[Yael's words are vague, though not intentionally so. In his heart, he knows a love of Yuui has taken root. His heart also knows the feeling isn't mutual.]

[ His words are vague, but Fai picks up on them well enough that there's a mixture of hurt and confusion in his eyes. ]

...What do you mean?

[ He knows deep down, but... but he has to ask. ]

Nothing.

[Yael's answer is swift and curt. That Yuui has to ask just proves he doesn't know or need to know.

Releasing his hand, Yael gets to his feet, but he doesn't immediately make for the door.]

...Let me have some time to myself, will you? When I come back, you can tell me all the little things I've forgotten in my old age.

[ It's clear on Fai's face that he doesn't want to let Sheza go, but he knows that Sheza means it when he says he needs time to himself. There are a lot of things he needs to sort through, especially when it comes to no longer being engaged.

So, reluctantly, Fai gets up and presses a soft kiss to Sheza's cheek. ]

Alright. Go to the spa so you can relax.

[ He takes a step back, a signal that Sheza is allowed to go. ]

I'll be waiting.

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weaseled - 2023-10-22 03:43 (UTC) - Expand