September and secret nsfw october shenanigans

[insinning]

Who: Emil Sinclair (Vogel) and anyone/everyone
When: All over September
What: Catch all, exploration, overflow + dungeon runs; lots of feelings and grieving and murderous thoughts.
Warnings: Nsfw in 25/9 thread just to be safe

 

"Over all the hilltops
Is quiet now,
In all the treetops
Hearest thou
Hardly a breath;
the birds are asleep in the trees:
Wait, soon like these
Thou too shalt rest."

Comments

[dissimulative]

[ Oria watches the boat for Beatrice slowly leave and then looks down to see the pair of boats that Sinclair set down. Sinclair's family... his sister... and his parents... Oria doesn't believe in an afterlife, but he squeezes Sinclair's hand. Oria will protect him for as long as he can to the best of his abilities—and he will quietly promise that on the boats that represent Sinclair's family.

Oria has two boats that Sinclair may not be familiar with, but Oria releases them all the same: someone he couldn't protect and someone who Oria lives in the shadow of despite not existing from the moment he was born. He originally didn't plan to make a boat for the latter, but he thinks this will help settle his own matters of the heart. They're here to process grief today. ]

[insinning]

[He thought he wouldn't cry today. But still, his eyes feel damp with tears as he watches the boats sail over the waters, until the flickering candle flames fade into the twilight.

Sleep now blissfully and sweet, view in your dream paradise.

Words of a lullaby he wouldn't hear again. Softly, under his breath, he murmurs]

The birds are asleep in the trees:
Wait, soon like these
Thou too shalt rest...

[He has the last boat now. But this time, he adds the little fox in and he straightens up to hold it out]

...let's release the last ones together.

[dissimulative]

Sure.

[ Oria thinks he knows what Sinclair's last boat is for. After all, Oria's is the same.

So he sets the lastboat down on the water next to Sinclair's and watches them wash away. ]

[insinning]

[Sinclair watches unmoving, hand reaching back for Oria's as he holds on tight. Two boats. Two different wishes, hopes and feelings. But they are the same. Unbidden, tears begin to fall. He had been holding on with everything he had. But this is Oria. He doesn't need to hide anything here.

He had tried to keep hope. But when he had walked through that desolate apartment, it had sunk in.

So, with that final boat, he left another gift: for the Mithrun he had known

Eight flickering candles, carrying love and memories are swallowed by the horizon, unchanging, forever awash with the dying orange-gold light of the sun]

...I wonder if he'll like the ending to the story we made.

[dissimulative]

A story?

[ Oria squeezes Sinclair's hand. It'll be okay. He's here. He'll be by his side.

Even with all this, he can't manage to cry like Sinclair can. Thats why his tears are precious—Oria will believe he's crying for both of them. ]

[insinning]

[This is why he doesn't mind the ache. It hurts more than he can describe. But Oria is here. They're together. Everything is a little more bearable when Oria is hear.

More tears roll down his face. It's the first time he's truly cried since finding Mithrun's body. Like a dam cracking, the tears spill out]

Mm...he seemed to think I could write something worthwhile. [Even though Mithrun had no reason to] Once everything was over...[He leans against Oria, steadying himself]

Do you want to hear?

[dissimulative]

Yeah.

[ Oria adjusts his position so that Sinclair can be more comfortable when leaning on him. ]

I want to hear it—the story you two made.

[insinning]

[Sinclair nods, squeezing Oria's hand again, as he tries to recall it. How they had decided to bring the story together. It hurts.

It had hurt then, too. But it had been them, fighting against whispers.]

There was once a Fox, abandoned in a city, with nothing but old, broken umbrellas to keep it company. It yearned relentlessly for a home, companionship. Not just meaningless gestures of kindness. [Was that how it went? Yes, it's clearer now] It travelled the city without rest, searching for anything at all.

Then it meets an Owl. The Owl understood the Fox, but it couldn't be the companion or home it sought for. Because the Fox belonged to the ground, and the Owl would take to the skies.

[dissimulative]

Mm... did the fox try to look for someone else?

[ Oria wonders how this story came to be between the two, especially when Mithrun didn't seem like the type to write stories. ]

[insinning]

Yeah. But in that moment, neither of them had felt alone. So they learned from each other, and the fox realised - even though its companions may not stay constant, its friendship with the Owl was genuine.

[That had been Mithrun's contribution]

And so, the Owl took the Fox upon its wings and soared to the highest part of the city, where all the lights drowned out the stars. The Fox realised something. Every star was another lonely soul it couldn't see, because the lights blinded it. And so, even though the Owl had to leave...the Fox chose to stay, shedding the umbrellas that had bound it.

[This is where he had ended the story with Mithrun. But Mithrun said it could keep going]

Years passed, and the Fox continue to search for a home, and friendship. It had many companions over the years, but never a home. It taught its companions what the Owl taught it, and let them leave to find a place of their own.

Then, it means a child. A child that has fallen from the stars.

[The child cried endless tears. Home. It wanted to go home.

The Fox knew it had to return the child to its home. And the Fox, duty bound, took the child with it and took the long journey to the stars. And along the way, it reencountered its companions, one by one. And one by one, they all followed, until they reached the skies in the mountains, where the child could reach for the stars again.

It is here, the Fox realised something: home was with the hearts of those you touched, and were touched by in turn.

It's not the best ending. But Mithrun thought the story could continue and, he wanted to make something that could continue. The journey wouldn't end with the stars.]

[dissimulative]

[ Oria listens. Friendship, companionship, a home. They're all what people want.

... ]

I think you should publish it. It has a good message.

[insinning]

[Sinclair looks at Oria in surprise and then he smiles, ducking his head. Ah, was he crying that whole time? His throat hurts. But his chest feels lighter, somehow]

...he said something similar too.

[The boats are gone now. Sinclair can't see them anymore]

I...I'll have to think about what it looks like. But...maybe I will.

[A story for sad, lonely people like him and Mithrun, who found a world through Fragment full of people that shone brighter than reality, no matter how brief it had been. Leaning into Oria a little more with a soft exhale]

Thank you. For listening.

[For accompanying him. Sharing in their grief together. Everything is a little easier to manage now. Thread by thread, stitch back up the wounds and let them heal]

[dissimulative]

I'm sure you'll be able to think of something wonderful.

[ Oria lightly taps Sinclair's head with his own. ]

And as for me, I'll always be here with you. It's been... a roller coaster of emotions, that's for sure.

[insinning]

[ He closes his eyes briefly as he rubs his thumb over Oria's hand. Even as much as it hurts, they have each other. It's more than enough. It's everything.]

Mm... it's a little tiring, isn't it?

[dissimulative]

Yeah.

[ Oria looks out to the ocean and turns to look at Sinclair. ]

If Mithrun was gonna get distracted anyway, then he should have gotten fully distracted. Maybe then, he'd know what it's like... to live a life that he'd actually want.

[insinning]

[Sinclair looks up and thinks - how many times had he asked Mithrun? What will you do when--

His own vengeance has always been tainted by a desperate need for something warm and secure. Maybe that's why he's always been wishy-washy and weak. But Mithrun...]

...I wonder why if that's why he asked me about my future. He always reminded me, when it got difficult...I think deep down, he wanted that too. His apartment was so empty.

[dissimulative]

I told him he had friends in Fragment. Logging out just to see his empty apartment... I imagine it would be lonely to just about anyone.

[ Oria tugs Sinclair over so that they he can sit on the rocks and have Sinclair sit on his lap. He uses his arm so that Sinclair can have something to rest his back against with his legs off the side instead of something like straddling. ]

... I brought more paper and candles just in case, because I thought that I would want to do a send-off for two more people. I mentioned my ex, Lenore, to you already, so I assumed you'd have the materials for that.

I had a friend. His name was Cethin. He was my best friend ever since the beginning of high school. He was fun to tease and get reactions out of, he didn't just sit there and take it, rambunctious... you know the whole nine yards for the punk you have as a classmate in school. We shared a dorm room all those years too.

[ Oria doesn't want to mention how he and Cethin were strictly friends. It felt like it would be disrespecting him if he ever asked him out. Not that he had a crush on him or anything, but Oria thought their friendship was so strong, that calling it something else would be an insult to its integrity. ]

There was one thing he loved though--photography. I never really understood it though. Taking pictures for a memory... then what? I couldn't understand the appeal while everyone else had. He never went without his polaroid camera though. He tried to get me to understand why people like photos so much.

[insinning]

He sounds like a good person.

[ Oria deserved friends. Good friends that could support him. There's nothing to shy away from there at all.

Sinclair rests his head against Oria's neck, listening to Oria's words - all those things he kept locked up so tightly - spilling out. Oria's arm is secure around him, so he just lets his hand rest against Oria's chest, feeling for the steady beat of his heart.

Photographs, huh? ]

Memories are important. [Some people could hold onto those without a photograph. Others needed them to hang on for longer] I think I could see both sides to it. [A pause, then gently]

...what happened to him?

[dissimulative]

We got caught in a crossfire between gang territory disputes. We were just on our way back with other friends from the movies... he didn't make it.

[ "If it was a fairy tale, I would have had my way with everything" was specifically said for this reason. ]

[insinning]

[These are the things Sinclair hates. People getting hurt needlessly. People dying because of other people's actions. He swallows and his fingers curl a little more against Oria's chest]

I'm sorry.

[That should have been a fun outing. Simple. Easy. Not tainted like that]

[dissimulative]

[ Seeing dead friends' bodies... yay....

Oria shakes his head. ]

It is what it is. He gave me a polaroid camera a little before that, actually. Told me to try it out myself, but... I still don't understand.

[insinning]

[Hmm.]

...I think remembering is a good thing. Remembering who you loved, who loved you and all those moments in between. Sharing what you loved...Photos help with that.

[He exhales softly]

Looking back doesn't have to be a bad thing.

[dissimulative]

... Yeah. It's not a bad thing.

[ But is it still something he can afford to do? He can now, but he has loads of free time, but later? Doubt. But Oria appreciates the sentiment either way. ]

Maybe I'll eventually understand, but... not today.

[ A gentle breeze blows between them. ]

Though your words are always helpful, Emil. You're so wise.

[insinning]

We have time.

[ Sinclair says. They'll make time. But Sinclair knows he wants concrete things to remember. Time faded memories after all.

He shakes his head a little, smiling.]

Am I? I'm just trying to figure things out too and work out how I feel, what other people feel...what I want and what they want.

[He's stumbling around in the dark, helplessly grasping at anything he can]

[dissimulative]

At least you're trying. That's already a lot better than most people.

[ Oria smiles and lightly taps Sinclair's nose. Boop. ]

So yeah, that's Cethin. The other boat...

[ ...

Oria keeps his smile, but this one seems a little more confused as if he's not sure how to feel. ]

You remember the check I sent you?