[ closed ] Winter in September (October, November...) (dungeons + catchall)

[userunfriendly]

Who ❄ Michel and friends(?)
What ❄ area runs & overflow
When ❄ September and on
Where ❄ dungeons, assorted
Content Warnings ❄ kidnapping, captivity, suicidal ideation, self harm, TBA

⬣ Chasing Sunshine's Two Wings

Comments

[userunfriendly]

[ Ugh... It's going to take him a little while to get used to that discrepancy again. Remembering so many things, when others have forgotten...

He might turn a tiny bit pink as the lapse sinks in. Fortunately, he's still turned away to focus on his busywork. His embarrassment can ideally go unnoticed by anything but the roses, who aren't telling. ]

Easier to say than to do. ...We'll see.

[ Although at this juncture, keeping his mind on actions does sound easier than dealing with feelings in any form. His own, or anyone else's. He gives her a little nod of thanks, though he doesn't turn around to look again yet. ]

He did tell Gorre that I could discard his forgiveness if I wished. I hope he doesn't consider it ungrateful. [ But she's right that he'll most likely understand. He doesn't know if that makes it easier or not. Or if it simply is one more thing to file away, and live with. ] ...I didn't intend to make you my confessor. You're strangely easy to talk to. A little like him.

[ophidie]

Maybe I'm just going easy on you due to circumstance.

[But that isn't really true, and the moment it leaves her mouth that's apparent. Miharu herself had pointed out that her words were cold at times, and if anything she's treating him harshly now instead of coddling.]

Are you planning to keep how you're feeling to yourself, then? [He's hiding out in a storage closet, keeping his thoughts away from the scrutiny of his friends and loved ones, and he just admitted he wanted to seek her out to...what? Thank her for finding him in the dreary landscape of all Gorre's data?] I don't care if you want to make your own atonement, but I do care if it all boils over and they're hurt by what you do as a result.

[Pot, kettle, slightly... but this might be why she's able to say it in the first place. The boiling and the consequences of holding that boil and the way it feels uncontrollable and scorching are all too familiar.]

[userunfriendly]

[ Michel gives a quiet snort, equal parts amused and skeptical. It's both true and it isn't... she's being gentler on him than the circumstances might warrant, considering the cost of everything that had happened. Sinclair, Yuui, Yael: people she cared about had been hurt, but she still took the effort to remind him that he's forgiven. She expected to be blamed for the door, but at the same time, she's looking out for his feelings. ]

I've already been scolded for not speaking my mind sooner.

[ Is that an answer as to what he intends to do in the future? That's more difficult to say. His expression goes a shade more shuttered, thoughtful, and he reaches down reflexively to smooth the sleeve of his jacket lower on his arm. ]

I don't intend to bottle everything up, no. ...Clearly. [ Considering how much he already poured out to her. But he can't deny the implicit accusation that he's hiding out here, which is entirely true. ] I've explained myself as best I can to... those in a position to hear it.

[ It can't, shouldn't be Fai's responsibility right now. Even burdening Sinclair and Ganymede is unfair. He picks his battles carefully, goes lightly over heavy ground. ]

Since you're so opinionated — what do you do with the things you can't tell to anyone?

[ The words are challenging, but his tone is more wry than anything. An awkward concession that she's seen him, an implicit apology for the fact. Less apology for the simple truth that that understanding suggests he's seen her in turn. ]

starting to wade into alluding to sh so cwing it just to be safe

[ophidie]

[Just as he caught her fidgeting earlier, Miharu notices immediately the way he tugs down his sleeve. It's a familiar movement, in an ingrained, habitual way, something she herself had felt herself doing even when she hadn't known the reason or thought she had one. It doesn't matter which direction he's facing.

Speaking her mind has never necessarily been the part that's given Miharu a problem. When it comes to expressing what's in her heart - and doing so clearly in a way that doesn't just dig as many wounds as possible. She grimaces.]

You want me to admit it's the hardest for me, too, don't you? [Well, it is, and even responded that way is the admission in itself. She's inclined to feel a little suspicious, though that dulls quickly. It isn't like he's trying to have an advantage to use against her feelings later. She can provide plenty of scolding. What she cannot supply is advice.] ... I think the methods I've used are ones I'm still trying to move on from, so let's leave it at that. If I was in your position, I think I'd channel them into the future - one where I could see myself.

slaps a warning on the log.......

[userunfriendly]

[ Is that what he'd wanted? Surely, he hadn't expected her to have all the answers. Was it cruel to urge her to tell him what he can already clearly guess for himself?

He can see the shadow of Gorre's habits in all of his little mannerisms now, and it's impossible to not second-guess. She already knows better than to expect tact from him — but now, more than ever, he doesn't want to inflict thoughtless pain with his words. ]

A future where you could see yourself...

[ He turns the words over with a little ghost of a smile. The trouble in the moment is that he can't see himself at all. which is a rich thing to doubt, when almost everyone else here is missing so much of what makes them them. What a pair the two of them make. ]

...Ambitious. I was thinking that leaving behind bad habits was a high enough hurdle to begin with. [ And a little flick of a glance at her again, although he won't press. Those are wounds he most certainly doesn't want to force open with words. ] I imagine you'd be deeply unimpressed if I said something like, "if you ever need to talk," wouldn't you...?

[ And it's not as if she doesn't have much better, well-adjusted, and reliable options. Although at times that can be a challenge of its own. ]

[ophidie]

I would, but bluntly speaking, I don't think you have enough guile for it to not be genuine about it, either.

[Talking does only go so far, and in so many increments at once, that go a little farther and then flow back like a wave. But someone who gets it is a little easier, still, than someone who she'd feel ashamed disappointing. That makes this possible now.]

I managed it once before, I think. [The contempt for herself that she's been trying to manage and work past still bleeds through there. It isn't fully healed yet. Why would she still feel this way, act this way, if it wasn't an innate part of her and not solely tied to memory?] At least, that's what I want myself to believe.

[At first she must have started wearing gloves (again?) to remind herself of something, because she'd tried to record some meaning. But she's forgotten the reason, now, too, and what it leaves now is a completely different kind of reminder.]

... So for you, shouldn't it also be attainable?

[userunfriendly]

[ Ah... straight to the heart, and a direct hit. One corner of Michel's mouth twitches wryly. ]

Coming from anyone else, I would suspect an insult hidden in that...

[ With Miharu's nature he's inclined to read it exactly as blunt as she claims it is. The part of his mind that compulsively, reflexively works overtime dissecting every word and gesture of a conversation can stay sleeping. It lightens the burden of speaking to another person more considerably than he would have expected, before Fragment. ]

I managed, once. At least, some bad habits. ...It's easier if you try not to acquire quite so many in the first place.

[ Although it's probably much too late for that, for either of them. His fingers brush distractedly along his sleeve. He wouldn't flinch to show them now, faded proof that healing is possible. But he also knows full well how little that could mean. Everyone carries their own weight, and comparison frequently becomes an anchor of its own. And as he implied — it's only one axis of his habitually unhealthy coping mechanisms. ]

...It's difficult to be certain of anything, with so much missing from your memory. The mind attempts to fill in the gaps... And I wonder if at times it makes it more impossible to make sense of things. But if you believe you managed it before, then I think you should trust in that. And the fact that it is what you wish to believe isn't inconsequential, either. So... it should be attainable to do it again, shouldn't it?