altimit | (no subject)

But not a bad idea of what's charming.

[Hm. Hm. So many walls, huh. He knows that feeling. Walls upon walls upon walls. And it doesn't feel like enough.]

I guess that's true, but...if it's so wonderful, why not have it replace in-person interaction? There's something to that that this game can't replicate, I think. It feels a little lonely. Besides, these are avatars, too. It's nice to see people as they are, sometimes...

[Most people would probably think it's a bad idea, but it still is... sort of praise for Owen? He thinks? So he can't complain too much...]

Questionable but not bad, at least going off what I know you think is charming.

[As long as he's more charming then the likes of Hien and 0koto...!!!

But, hm.]

Instead of the idealized versions of themselves some people are putting forward? How much have you changed about yourself, Anaido?

[Though there's no arguing that some of this feels a bit hollow, or... more separated from his real life. The odds of Owen ever seeing Anaido in person are so slim that it feels less dangerous to be candid with him, but at the same time it makes it easier to write this whole thing off.]

Are you putting yourself across as you are, or are you playing pretend like everyone else?

[...]

Is that what you actually mean, with "complete connection"? That these avatars and mechanics make people less genuine?

In a way, I'm not. In a way, I am. We already try to act as an idealized form of ourselves in everyday interactions, don't we? Our flaws, our strife, we hide it behind closed doors. We're all characters in the end.

[It comes out as matter-of-factly as anything, as if he's simply saying the sky is blue, and always will be.]

Mm. I suppose so. After all, we can choose who we want to be. Maybe we look different. Maybe we're in terrible circumstances and we don't want to show. But we can do our best regardless, even in a fictional world, right?

I don't think painting over parts of yourself just makes you a character - at the end of the day, everyone is who they are, regardless of how much they hide or project. They're real, even when they're fake, and they're not something so easily discarded as the characters you see in a play or movie. People aren't that convenient, and every lie has a grain of truth.

[People are messy, complicated things, even if nobody wants those nasty parts of themselves exposed. Even if people are afraid of being vulnerable and letting people see who they really are.]

It's an awfully dismissive point of view. I wonder if it's because you're afraid or ashamed of who you are?

You really think so? You think that even the most put-upon act can say a lot about a person? I suppose I can't argue with that. It's easier to act one way if there's something to base it on.

[The question makes his expression flicker, a little displeased - his fingers are tapping in sets of three again.]

Not afraid or ashamed. I do wish it could be different.

It says a lot about what they value and idealize - and once you know that, the “why”s of that are easy enough to sniff out. Like the Great Detective Anaido - is that something that appeals to you because detectives are smart? Is it that detectives like you see on TV or in books are considered charming and competent? All of the above? A secret third thing? One thread can unravel and show off the truth of what you hold in your heart, if you’re patient enough to untangle it.

[That’s a bit of a clunky metaphor, but whatever. He thinks he’s getting the point across.]

You might still be unhappy, if you’re different.

I like detectives. People like detectives. There's a lot of reasons. Ahaha. Now you're psychoanalyzing me. Are you interested in me, Owen? Buy me dinner first, you scoundrel!

[A little laugh and a wink, but the laugh almost sounds strained.]

Maybe I'll be unhappy. But I'll be able to do things most people can do.

Sure, if you’re ever in San Francisco. I know a few nice places to eat.

[You can’t throw him off his game with just some winking!!]

I don’t know your life and what you can or can’t do… but why do you need to be like most people?

[Most people kind of suck, and even if kind of odd, it means he’s intriguing. Owen wants to learn how he works...]

You’re plenty interesting without being like everyone else. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if you were like most people I’ve met.

Ah, wow, San Francisco. Red bridge and all, just like the movies!

[And again, that little flicker of frustration at the question - his tapping becomes a little more definite, curt in its motions.]

I appreciate it. I really do. But I just want my brain to behave.

I was surprised the bridge was as red in person as it seemed, when I first moved to the city.

[He watches the tapping, the pieces coming together more clearly. Ah. That explains a lot, then.

Impulses and urges that are intense and impossible to ignore, that get people's attention and makes them stare at you like a freak. He hesitates for a moment, before he shifts again, uncrossing his legs so he can turn towards Anaido.]

...

[This is so outside of his wheelhouse. It's not like he pities Anaido or anything - yeah, it sucks having impulses or cravings or just anything outside of your control that feels like it's taking over you, but it's not a pitiful thing. Relating to people is just...

He hadn't expected there to be more he related to, is all. Once again, he fucked around and found out. Sometimes strangers on the internet are just too familiar!!]

...I get it. I mean, you know I went to the hospital for things not working the way they should. [He laughs, but there's no mirth in it.] But... fuck it. Let's not have this gloomy conversation anymore. Everything is miserable enough without dwelling on it, and we've got all this space, so - do you know how to dance?

[A vivid red, for a vivid new world. What a bright image. He knows he'll probably never see it in person.]

[It's easy to fall into the trap of the mind. Perhaps its some sort of unmovable dogma, a cage one can't wander out of. An eternal desert to get lost in, thirsting for more and never getting it.]

[So its odd to have someone step into the same space, isn't it?]

[He looks up at the other's question, dull yellow eyes staring for a moment.]

...Not particularly. I've watched some in videos. [A beat - maybe a little hopeful.] I wouldn't mind dancing with you.

[No experience? Well, that's fine. No time like the present to learn.]

Good. You don't have much of a choice, anyways, so come on.

[The arena is as good a stage as any, so why bother going anywhere else when he can just walk down the stands?]

We can start with something slow, easy, and cliché. Like you see in movies.

[Just a casual lesson... Why Owen knows how to ballroom dance is irrelevant.]

Oh, so bold! Taking the lead! I would swoon if I could.

[He punctuates that with a little giddy chuckle, winking as he moves along in stride.]

Like the movies? I like how you think.

[He comes in - maybe a little timid still, despite his obnoxious grin, but eager all the same. His arm places itself against the small of the man's back, his other grasping the other's hand.]

Lead away...partner.

This isn’t as bold as I can get.

[If Anaido wants to swoon, that could be arranged.]

You seem like someone who likes movies, so I’m sure you’ve seen at least one ballroom scene.

[He starts slowly, explaining the steps as he shows him. I’m not writing that all out, but it’s happening.]

Don’t overthink it, though.

Wow, even teasing.

[He nods at that - of course, being a shut-in with access to the internet means you get to see a lot of things. Tons of movies included.]

You're right. I always liked imagining myself in one. I guess I can imagine myself in one right now.

[He seems to pick it up rather easily, but there's a noticeable blank expression if he mentions amount of steps at any point. He's noooooot going to count, thank you.]

I won't. [A little twirl - he's getting the hand of this, even if his moves are a bit clunky.] Can't allow that, can we? Especially not in the arms of a handsome guy, haha!

Shut up. I'm not teasing.

[He huffs and rolls his eyes, but - he's not horrible. Clunky is too be expected, after all, and seeing the blank expression once is enough to get Owen to avoid numbering the steps. It's something he notes, certainly, but it's not like they need numbers right now.

Shame they don't have their choice of music. That would make this a lot easier.]

If you're going to say things like that, you're going to make me think you're picturing this as a romance movie.

[Handsome? Owen? Seriously? It's not that he's unaware of his appearance, but it's a better descriptor for someone taller and broader, like Anaido.

Even if Anaido is still a bit noodly...]

Okay. What should I call it, then?

[He almost wants to continue, his lips pursing with a new sense of mischievousness glimmering in those dead yellow eyes as they move. It would be better with music. Maybe they have to rely on the background music...good old BGM track....]

There's an idea. [Admittedly, the thought had come to mind, if briefly. His mouth edges up in a little fox-like smile.] Would you like it to be one?

Anything else.

[Well, he sure did play himself with that, didn’t he. He goes still for a moment, as if he’s so surprised by the question his brain just shut off for a moment.

Then he looks away, as he starts dancing again.]

I… don’t think you want a love story with me.

[Not a yes or no, because ultimately it’s not like what Owen wants matters. Anyone who thinks they could love him just hasn’t gotten to know him yet.

Anaido would regret it, if he were serious, so it’s best to just keep it as a joke.]

...

[He chases that glance instinctively, tilting his head as they twirl around. He's still making sure not to step on him even as he moves, but his attention is still mostly focused on him, and him alone.]

...I would say the same thing about me. [He says, after a moment - his voice comes in a whisper. For Owen, and Owen alone. What a special thing, to be seen.] But what did you say earlier? That even if this isn't the real world, it can be a complete connection.

[He leans in, not being able to help himself, to rest his chin against the other's shoulder, a little huff against the man's ear.]

Perhaps not a love story. But I'd like a connection with you.

[He doesn’t want to see his face, so it’s a bit of a relief when Anaido rests his chin on Owen’s shoulder, even if it means Anaido is incredibly, incredibly close.

He’s stubborn. Owen’s not sure if he hates that about him or not, because at least in this moment he’s sincere, too.]

It’s not fair when you use my own words against me.

[He sighs, giving up. Should have expected this, but he was expecting Anaido to be as wary and dismissive as everyone else. He couldn’t account for how much Anaido sees right through him.]

I can do a connection. I’ll take a rain check on a love story.

[Please don’t look at him because he feels so flustered it makes him feel like a moron.]

I think I'm playing quite fair, actually. Tit for tat, as it were.

[They wander into each other's worlds a little, it's only necessary for them to trade things as easy as this. It couldn't have been done if they didn't bear a little vulnerability, even if in Anaido's case it was something cast upon him instead of done on purpose.]

[But he's happy for the answer anyways. After all, it's not a no. Far from it.]

A rain check it is. [He almost swears he can feel the heat coming from the man's face, but maybe its just his imagination. Ah, the wonders of technology.] I'll make sure you get the most of it, wherever it goes.

[A little closer, to his ear.]

Like a seed that could grow a beautiful flower.

[He's too close. He's way, way too close - not just physically, but he's too close to Owen himself. He understands him too well, at least in instances like this. He's sure there are things they won't see eye to eye on, or things about Owen he'll find absolutely repulsive, but...

There's something tempting about the idea, of something beautiful growing for this. It's been a while since Owen has found someone he could connect with, even if he's still certain this won't become anything close to love. It's all just fancy words and meaningless fluff, but he can give in to the idea of something blooming.

It won't be anything serious. It will just be what it is.]

The most of it? Even if I'm unreasonably demanding?

[He's gotta know what he's getting into.]

Though I doubt that will turn you off.

[After all, they've gotten this far already.]

But I hope you won't get tired of that.

[Or tired of him, in general, but he's not going to hold his breath.]

Unreasonably demanding? Especially if you are. I'm a lazy guy, after all.

[Never leaving the house, and all that. Sometimes it is easier to give up. Sometimes it is easy to give in. But its just as easy to take one step, and maybe that's all you need.]

[He laughs at the next parts. For the first time in a long while, he feels light. What an odd feeling. Especially since it started out with something so dark. Maybe it won't be love, and maybe this feeling right now isn't love, but its good enough. There's no tight feeling in his chest here. No guilt.]

I'll challenge you at every turn. [And an obvious joking tone.] You should get sick of me first before I get sick of you, hm? I'm quite annoying. Maybe that's your type, though.

A lazy guy playing an MMO? Entirely unprecedented.

[Being challenged wouldn’t be so bad, honestly. He can’t stand people who just let other people walk all over them - if there’s no spine, there’s nothing to be gained. He needs some pushback or he just gets bored.

He’ll have to see just how annoying Anaido is. There’s so much he doesn’t know just yet, and some of those things could be dealbreakers, but… well. He started this conversation and dragged Anaido away on a whim, and that’s how he’ll handle everything that comes next. He’s not one for planning or thinking about the far future.

Surely that will not bamboozle him at all.]

Is it my type? Who knows. It could be.

[But is it possible to be more annoying then him? Probably nkt.]

I work very hard to be very lazy, you know. Maybe I'm the hardest worker there is.

[Sometimes your every waking moment is constant work. Rotten work.]

[Another laugh bubbles out of his chest as he suddenly moves - he dips the man as his hand presses against his back to keep him stable, blue bangs hanging over his eyes as his grin widens, cuts across his face like a mirthful knife.]

Are you my type? Who knows? You could be.

[Like a carnival mirror, repeating those words back to him.]

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gazes into the middle distance

also gazes