Who ⚔ Yael & assorted nerds What ⚔ A dungeon run and other things When ⚔ After the party Where ⚔ Errywhere Content Warnings ⚔ Men with their tits out? Alcohol??? No correlation there surprisingly. nsfw i'm sorry mom
[Yael's tone is cold, so cold, every other emotion buried deep. The same pervasive chill is in his gaze when it settles over Yuui.]
I would've given anything, even my life, to keep you safe. If you're going to spit in my face by willingly putting yourself in harm's way a second time, I can't promise you a future with me.
[ The chill in Sheza's tone makes him feel colder than he did hours ago, staring down death's door. The hair on the back of his neck stands up and he nearly shivers as dread takes root in his belly.
He's being asked to choose.
Sheza made his choice, putting his own life before Fai's, and now he wants Fai to put his desires above anything else. It feels as if his lungs have nearly frozen over, but he manages to squeeze out a few thin breaths to calm himself so he can make a decision. ]
...Alright.
[ His tone is carefully neutral, so much so that it's almost impossible to know what he means with that single word. ]
[Yael takes similar measures to try and keep himself calm. Why is he so wound up? His emotions have been running on high since he woke up. It's the residual adrenaline, he's sure. Recalling the situation they just narrowly escaped from has every nerve in Yael's body buzzing with no good way to calm himself down.
He inhales, long and slow, and withdraws his arm from Yuui's shoulders.]
[ Sheza pulling away only makes him feel colder, as if all of the blood is being drained from his body. It hurts.
This is a different type of heartbreak, he thinks. Being protected only to be pulled away from shortly after when he hasn't had the opportunity to let the emotions of the former hit him.
So, naturally, as he sits up to better look Sheza in the eye, all of it releases at once. His words drip with a barely held back sorrow that grows harder to contain by the second. ]
I won't go.
[ He won't pay attention to any rumors and he won't look at the forums to see what everyone else is doing to prepare. He'll keep himself out of it.
It hurts, not being able to go help the people he's come to view as friends, but that Sheza is prepared to break up with him as a result is a pain that overshadows everything. It's why he turns away and covers his face and it doesn't take long before his shoulders begin to shake. ]
Losing a leg is nothing compared to the pain of seeing Yuui's shoulders shake, clearly on the verge of tears. Yael doesn't regret getting upset. He doesn't regret telling Yuui he'll call off their engagement if he doesn't keep himself out of harm's way. What he does regret is causing him pain, necessary as it is to make Yuui perfectly aware of his feelings.
Hearing him nearly cry when he speaks is good enough. In his heart, Yael knows Yuui won't be able to resist the urge to help his friends. He'll go and apologize to Yael later and bank on his forgiveness. He'll weigh the risk of losing their relationship against the risk of losing an irreplaceable friend and see the latter as more valuable.
Yael knows this about Yuui and has chosen to love him anyway. Even so, his mind is already made up. Whether they remain together or separate, he's going to love Yuui until the day he dies.]
Ana bahebak, ya rouhi.
[He wraps his arms around Yuui and pulls his heaving back snug to his chest. For as long as he can, Yael will keep him here where he's safe and loved. No sense in languishing over the uncertain future, yet his heart beats staccato against Yuui's back out of real, genuine fear. Forget his life. His heart is on the line here.]
[ Sheza's chest warm and solid against his back makes it impossible for him to keep his tears held in. They spill freely, making a mess of his hands.
That Sheza's words pierce right through to his heart, pressing up against something in the back of his mind that he can't quite remember only makes his tears push out of him harder as he lets out a sob. ]
I love you too.
[ Said like this, with so much pain, sorrow, and truth behind it should let Sheza know where he stands. He might think that Fai would choose others over him, but the reality of it is that... he wouldn't. It's a big yet harrowing realization for him to have, knowing that he would put one person over anyone else and it scares him. The quick pound of Sheza's heart against his back tells him that he's afraid too and so Fai puts it upon himself to catch his breath, to prevent another sob from heaving out of his chest. ]
[Yuui will have an opportunity to dry his hands when Yael's lift to gently sweep them out of the way. Calloused fingers brush along damp cheeks and beneath the hollows of his eyes, drying those tears as they come. As they do, Yael presses his lips to Yuui's nape and leaves them to linger there.]
Can you turn around? I want to see your face.
[...No, he can allow himself to let his vulnerabilities show. For Yuui, he must.]
I want to kiss you until you feel better. I need to.
[ ...Ah. That only makes his tears fall quicker, but at least Sheza is able to keep up with them, to dry them before they can slide down his cheeks. ]
Of course I can.
[ His eyes are watery and red, but there's a smile on his face as he turns around, settling his knees on either side of Sheza's hips. While Fai is more than happy to give him exactly what he needs, he cups Sheza's cheeks first. ]
[...God, it hurts seeing Yuui like this. It's not the first time either, and that makes it worse, knowing he's the one who has hurt Yuui deeply twice over.
Whether he was in the right or not this time doesn't matter. Yael still feels that he should apologize, pursing and unpursing his lips in a rare display of indecision. When Yuui is upset like this, he just— he shuts down, every thought in his head a scrambled, messy, fucked up wreck.
He regrets asking Yuui to turn around, but he also doesn't, moving quickly to kiss those damp eyes and cheeks and quivering lips. Don't be upset, damn it. Smile. Be happy. I can't take it, seeing you like this.]
[ The last thing he wants is to lose Sheza after everything they've been through. His heart pounds and his hands tremble ever so slightly even as he continues to hold Sheza's face in his hands. ]
I don't want to lose you, whether that's through you leaving me or dying. It's a miracle I didn't freeze.
[ His memory didn't fail him and instead allowed him to channel knowledge he can't recall gaining. Though, judging by what he saw when Michel opened his door, he probably gained that knowledge from watching his brother die. It's just a guess. ]
But I understand your feelings, and that's why I'll honor them.
[ Sheza has every right to feel the way he does, especially after the sacrifice he's made. ]
If you did freeze, I would've followed you to the grave and killed you twice over.
[Just thinking about Yuui putting himself in such a precarious position pisses him off all over again. It infuriates him and upsets him and leaves him some restless mess, tugging Yuui tight against his body to give some small fraction of that energy a proper outlet to flow into.
Feral, one might call him, but what can he do? He's feeling every feeling right now and he hates it. Knowing his loving, empathetic boyfriend, he probably feels it too.]
...Well, whatever. Just don't do it again and we won't have a problem. Idiot.
[ He certainly does, feeling all of that anger and upset in the way Sheza holds him close. He feels Sheza's heartbeat still hammering away, too, as he wraps his arms around his shoulders and buries his face in his neck.
What he feels most of all, however, is love. The love that has driven him to feel so strongly, to hold him so close and so tight. The love that pushed Fai out of the way of certain death at the cost of potentially losing his own life. ]
I won't.
[ Not where he can help it, certainly. If he has the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, then he'll simply be as careful as he possibly can be so he can return to Sheza and face his anger. ]
[Grumble grumble. He's in no mood for niceties, but what is he in the mood for? To be left floundering for answers like this is just not like himself. Bumping their foreheads together, Yael exhales a long, gusty sigh, and closes his eyes. Calm down. He's got to try and calm down.]
[ Huffing out a laugh against his skin, Fai presses a soft kiss to his neck. ]
My nice stick of beef jerky.
[ His tears haven't dried, but he can always inject some levity into the situation. He presses his lips to Sheza's skin again, this time right below his ear. ]
Tell me about some of your feelings. You wanted to talk about us, didn't you?
[Never fear, string bean. Yael's still hard at work swiping away those tears, but the kiss just beneath his ear makes him shiver. He's jumpy and more sensitive than usual right now.]
You know how I feel. I don't want to be married for a week, so don't get yourself killed. End of discussion.
[ Ah, a shiver. It nearly kindles a fire in him due to their proximity, but he doesn't feel it quite yet. His body is still in shock, even if the adrenaline still flowing through his veins hasn't worn off.
So, he lightly nips at that spot. ]
That's not all and you know it. [ He'll climb up this hill. ] Why are you so scared? It isn't just fear for my own life, is it?
[Whether out of restlessness or frustration, Yael responds to that bite by pushing his hips hard into Yuui's. He's the one who said they need to have this talk, but hell if he's in any mood for it now.]
What else would it be? I don't want to lose you.
[And if he lost Yuui, he'd be all alone again. That's... the other half of the equation.]
[ Fai huffs, and it's hard to tell if he's chiding Sheza or reacting to the way he slots their hips together. Out of a small bit of determination to get a one-up on him, he starts pressing a trail of wet kisses down the side of his neck. ]
There's more to it. I know you well enough to see when you're only giving me partial truths. Spit it out.
[The audible groan shaking its way out of his throat is one part arousal, two parts vexation. What the hell's wrong with his body? With his brain? Despite himself, Yael leans into Yuui's kisses, temperature rising beneath his lips.]
You're real good at worming your way under people's skin. You have any idea how obnoxious you are?
[Yael snakes a hand around to slap Yuui's ass. He's filled out here recently.]
What do you expect me to do without you around? My whole life would change.
[ Does it jiggle when he does that? Not quite, but there is definitely something to at least properly smack now. That groan works well to get that fire within him started, though he isn't sure if it's arousal or frustration or fear or even amusement.
He laughs, sucking a bruise on Sheza's skin. ]
Now you know how I felt when I thought you died. Jerk.
[ And of course he knows how obnoxious he is. The way he all but smirks at Sheza as he pulls away to get a good look at his face says as much. ]
[Mmmmmmmmmph. His own medicine tastes bitter as fuck and he hates it, thanks. When Yuui pulls back, Yael chases him like a starving dog, wrestling him back into his arms and nibbling on his neck. How dare you leave his arms without his express permission?]
I do. It sucks.
[He shifts to nestle his good leg between Yuui's thighs, tangling them together.]
I can't remember a time in my life where we weren't together. [ :) ] And I can't imagine a future without you in it. Doesn't it bother you, not being able to remember the day we got engaged?
[ He practically giggles, titling his head so Sheza can get a good nibble in on his (second) favorite snack. Fai sits easily on Sheza's leg, wrapping his arms right back around his shoulders.
Something about the assertion that they've always been together pricks at his brain, memories on the cusp of being unraveled though he can't place why. They've always, always been together and this is something Fai knows to be true, he's sure of it. ]
...It does. You know, there are a lot of things I don't remember... like how we met.
[ Maybe time has worn it away, but he'd like to think he would always remember the day he met his beloved. ]
That letter Michel wrote for me has been bothering me ever since I read it, and when he opened my door... [ He pauses, shaking his head. ] Unless he implanted a memory into my brain, what I saw confirmed what he wrote in my letter.
Licking over Yuui's skin doesn't bring Yael any closer to the truth, but at least it soothes him somewhat, feeling his lover's pulse steadily beat beneath his tongue. Yael's uneven breaths fan along Yuui's skin as he tugs at his robe to get at his shoulder, layering him in bites.]
...He isn't the type to lie. What did you see behind that door?
Fai's pulse quickens in the same way his breaths do, growing uneven as he shifts so Sheza can more easily attach his mouth to bare skin. Moving his clothing shows off some of his bandages, too, around his chest, stomach and arm. The bandages aren't important, though. What's important is their conversation and Sheza's lips on his skin. ]
My hands covered in blood. My brother dying on the ground in front of me. I couldn't do anything to stop it.
[ He isn't meant to have a brother. He's never had a sibling, and so that memory is troubling in all sorts of ways that he can't fully wrap his head around. But combined with Michel's letter... the likelihood of that memory being some sort of implant in his mind is low, and he's sure that Sheza will see it.
Though in truth, he'd rather not think about it. So he shifts and rocks down against Sheza, using the sparks of pleasure that contact creates to ease the thrum of adrenaline in his veins. ]
[The picture Yuui paints with his words is a gruesome one. It's vaguely familiar in more ways than one, but why? It's frustrating, unnerving, being unable to recall why he's at once disturbed by what Yuui saw and enlivened by the phantom scent of blood.
Yael, without meaning to, bites hard into Yuui's shoulder. Blood coats his teeth, spills onto his tongue. He licks at his shallow wound until it clots. Between his legs, he's painfully hard.]
...There are a lot of gaps in our memories that we can't account for. If we stop to think about why, we're not going to like what we find out.
[The truth's an ugly, ugly thing. They could live happily in whatever delusion they're laboring under, Yael is certain, but he doesn't much care for being deceived. What about Yuui?]
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[Yael's tone is cold, so cold, every other emotion buried deep. The same pervasive chill is in his gaze when it settles over Yuui.]
I would've given anything, even my life, to keep you safe. If you're going to spit in my face by willingly putting yourself in harm's way a second time, I can't promise you a future with me.
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He's being asked to choose.
Sheza made his choice, putting his own life before Fai's, and now he wants Fai to put his desires above anything else. It feels as if his lungs have nearly frozen over, but he manages to squeeze out a few thin breaths to calm himself so he can make a decision. ]
...Alright.
[ His tone is carefully neutral, so much so that it's almost impossible to know what he means with that single word. ]
I won't go.
[ He's relented. ]
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He inhales, long and slow, and withdraws his arm from Yuui's shoulders.]
Say it like you mean it. Make me believe you.
[Harsh words, aren't they? Yuui should know.]
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This is a different type of heartbreak, he thinks. Being protected only to be pulled away from shortly after when he hasn't had the opportunity to let the emotions of the former hit him.
So, naturally, as he sits up to better look Sheza in the eye, all of it releases at once. His words drip with a barely held back sorrow that grows harder to contain by the second. ]
I won't go.
[ He won't pay attention to any rumors and he won't look at the forums to see what everyone else is doing to prepare. He'll keep himself out of it.
It hurts, not being able to go help the people he's come to view as friends, but that Sheza is prepared to break up with him as a result is a pain that overshadows everything. It's why he turns away and covers his face and it doesn't take long before his shoulders begin to shake. ]
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Losing a leg is nothing compared to the pain of seeing Yuui's shoulders shake, clearly on the verge of tears. Yael doesn't regret getting upset. He doesn't regret telling Yuui he'll call off their engagement if he doesn't keep himself out of harm's way. What he does regret is causing him pain, necessary as it is to make Yuui perfectly aware of his feelings.
Hearing him nearly cry when he speaks is good enough. In his heart, Yael knows Yuui won't be able to resist the urge to help his friends. He'll go and apologize to Yael later and bank on his forgiveness. He'll weigh the risk of losing their relationship against the risk of losing an irreplaceable friend and see the latter as more valuable.
Yael knows this about Yuui and has chosen to love him anyway. Even so, his mind is already made up. Whether they remain together or separate, he's going to love Yuui until the day he dies.]
Ana bahebak, ya rouhi.
[He wraps his arms around Yuui and pulls his heaving back snug to his chest. For as long as he can, Yael will keep him here where he's safe and loved. No sense in languishing over the uncertain future, yet his heart beats staccato against Yuui's back out of real, genuine fear. Forget his life. His heart is on the line here.]
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That Sheza's words pierce right through to his heart, pressing up against something in the back of his mind that he can't quite remember only makes his tears push out of him harder as he lets out a sob. ]
I love you too.
[ Said like this, with so much pain, sorrow, and truth behind it should let Sheza know where he stands. He might think that Fai would choose others over him, but the reality of it is that... he wouldn't. It's a big yet harrowing realization for him to have, knowing that he would put one person over anyone else and it scares him. The quick pound of Sheza's heart against his back tells him that he's afraid too and so Fai puts it upon himself to catch his breath, to prevent another sob from heaving out of his chest. ]
I'll always choose you.
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Can you turn around? I want to see your face.
[...No, he can allow himself to let his vulnerabilities show. For Yuui, he must.]
I want to kiss you until you feel better. I need to.
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Of course I can.
[ His eyes are watery and red, but there's a smile on his face as he turns around, settling his knees on either side of Sheza's hips. While Fai is more than happy to give him exactly what he needs, he cups Sheza's cheeks first. ]
I'm scared too, you know.
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Whether he was in the right or not this time doesn't matter. Yael still feels that he should apologize, pursing and unpursing his lips in a rare display of indecision. When Yuui is upset like this, he just— he shuts down, every thought in his head a scrambled, messy, fucked up wreck.
He regrets asking Yuui to turn around, but he also doesn't, moving quickly to kiss those damp eyes and cheeks and quivering lips. Don't be upset, damn it. Smile. Be happy. I can't take it, seeing you like this.]
Mm. Were you?
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[ The last thing he wants is to lose Sheza after everything they've been through. His heart pounds and his hands tremble ever so slightly even as he continues to hold Sheza's face in his hands. ]
I don't want to lose you, whether that's through you leaving me or dying. It's a miracle I didn't freeze.
[ His memory didn't fail him and instead allowed him to channel knowledge he can't recall gaining. Though, judging by what he saw when Michel opened his door, he probably gained that knowledge from watching his brother die. It's just a guess. ]
But I understand your feelings, and that's why I'll honor them.
[ Sheza has every right to feel the way he does, especially after the sacrifice he's made. ]
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[Just thinking about Yuui putting himself in such a precarious position pisses him off all over again. It infuriates him and upsets him and leaves him some restless mess, tugging Yuui tight against his body to give some small fraction of that energy a proper outlet to flow into.
Feral, one might call him, but what can he do? He's feeling every feeling right now and he hates it. Knowing his loving, empathetic boyfriend, he probably feels it too.]
...Well, whatever. Just don't do it again and we won't have a problem. Idiot.
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What he feels most of all, however, is love. The love that has driven him to feel so strongly, to hold him so close and so tight. The love that pushed Fai out of the way of certain death at the cost of potentially losing his own life. ]
I won't.
[ Not where he can help it, certainly. If he has the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, then he'll simply be as careful as he possibly can be so he can return to Sheza and face his anger. ]
I love you, my Sheza.
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[Grumble grumble. He's in no mood for niceties, but what is he in the mood for? To be left floundering for answers like this is just not like himself. Bumping their foreheads together, Yael exhales a long, gusty sigh, and closes his eyes. Calm down. He's got to try and calm down.]
...My string bean.
[He's trying.]
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My nice stick of beef jerky.
[ His tears haven't dried, but he can always inject some levity into the situation. He presses his lips to Sheza's skin again, this time right below his ear. ]
Tell me about some of your feelings. You wanted to talk about us, didn't you?
[ That can't be everything Sheza had to say. ]
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You know how I feel. I don't want to be married for a week, so don't get yourself killed. End of discussion.
[You're fighting an uphill battle here, Yuui...]
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So, he lightly nips at that spot. ]
That's not all and you know it. [ He'll climb up this hill. ] Why are you so scared? It isn't just fear for my own life, is it?
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What else would it be? I don't want to lose you.
[And if he lost Yuui, he'd be all alone again. That's... the other half of the equation.]
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There's more to it. I know you well enough to see when you're only giving me partial truths. Spit it out.
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You're real good at worming your way under people's skin. You have any idea how obnoxious you are?
[Yael snakes a hand around to slap Yuui's ass. He's filled out here recently.]
What do you expect me to do without you around? My whole life would change.
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He laughs, sucking a bruise on Sheza's skin. ]
Now you know how I felt when I thought you died. Jerk.
[ And of course he knows how obnoxious he is. The way he all but smirks at Sheza as he pulls away to get a good look at his face says as much. ]
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I do. It sucks.
[He shifts to nestle his good leg between Yuui's thighs, tangling them together.]
I can't remember a time in my life where we weren't together. [ :) ] And I can't imagine a future without you in it. Doesn't it bother you, not being able to remember the day we got engaged?
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Something about the assertion that they've always been together pricks at his brain, memories on the cusp of being unraveled though he can't place why. They've always, always been together and this is something Fai knows to be true, he's sure of it. ]
...It does. You know, there are a lot of things I don't remember... like how we met.
[ Maybe time has worn it away, but he'd like to think he would always remember the day he met his beloved. ]
That letter Michel wrote for me has been bothering me ever since I read it, and when he opened my door... [ He pauses, shaking his head. ] Unless he implanted a memory into my brain, what I saw confirmed what he wrote in my letter.
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Licking over Yuui's skin doesn't bring Yael any closer to the truth, but at least it soothes him somewhat, feeling his lover's pulse steadily beat beneath his tongue. Yael's uneven breaths fan along Yuui's skin as he tugs at his robe to get at his shoulder, layering him in bites.]
...He isn't the type to lie. What did you see behind that door?
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Fai's pulse quickens in the same way his breaths do, growing uneven as he shifts so Sheza can more easily attach his mouth to bare skin. Moving his clothing shows off some of his bandages, too, around his chest, stomach and arm. The bandages aren't important, though. What's important is their conversation and Sheza's lips on his skin. ]
My hands covered in blood. My brother dying on the ground in front of me. I couldn't do anything to stop it.
[ He isn't meant to have a brother. He's never had a sibling, and so that memory is troubling in all sorts of ways that he can't fully wrap his head around. But combined with Michel's letter... the likelihood of that memory being some sort of implant in his mind is low, and he's sure that Sheza will see it.
Though in truth, he'd rather not think about it. So he shifts and rocks down against Sheza, using the sparks of pleasure that contact creates to ease the thrum of adrenaline in his veins. ]
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Yael, without meaning to, bites hard into Yuui's shoulder. Blood coats his teeth, spills onto his tongue. He licks at his shallow wound until it clots. Between his legs, he's painfully hard.]
...There are a lot of gaps in our memories that we can't account for. If we stop to think about why, we're not going to like what we find out.
[The truth's an ugly, ugly thing. They could live happily in whatever delusion they're laboring under, Yael is certain, but he doesn't much care for being deceived. What about Yuui?]
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