altimit | [closed]

[ he reaches out to intercept, brushing remnants of tears away with a rough-gentle school-boy thumb

then uses that motion to step past the door into the room. the door is kicked shut behind him as his arm comes around nanashi’s head, cupping the back of it protectively, pulling it into the space of his collarbone. his other hand reaches for his. where it ends, on his chest next to his solemn heartbeat or up against his mouth where lips brush against each lonely knuckle - that’s up to what nanashi let’s him do ]

No one’s looking now. Not even me.

[ so he doesn’t have to smile for anyone ]

Not if you don’t want anyone to see.

[It's a welcome reprieve, and he allows all of it, burying his face to hide the tears, only barely cognizant of the lips brushing across the back of his hand. With his own free hand, he clings to Akira like he's holding onto a lifeline, afraid his hand will slip and he'll be sent tumbling into an abyss.]

It- it's weird. It doesn't usually hurt, so why...?

[Why does it feel like his heart is breaking...?

Is this what Akira meant, when he said his heart was already bleeding...?]

[ “maybe you’ve been bleeding for so long that you’re just used to it now.” his words, rough for him to remember now ]

… I don’t think it ever stopped. You’ve only just remembered how to listen for it.

...I don't like it.

[How does he stop it? How does he turn it off?

His breaths are beginning to calm at least, though he isn't raising his head again, not yet.]

...Making me forget... that must have been his "gift."

To show me "true happiness." ...That way I wouldn't want to leave. Did he take it away again...? Or did the gift have limits...?

I don’t know about any of that.

[ he doesn’t think what happened counted as “true happiness,” but deto considers his words carefully ]

But you could have it again. [ a slow murmur ] But this time, it’ll be your choice. You know it’s possible now.

[ … ]

I like it, though. Your heart.

[That gets him to look up, finally. His expression is drawn and misery haunts the edges of his eyes, but he doesn't seem to be crying anymore at least.]

...That wasn't true happiness, I think. I didn't like seeing you so upset.

[His grip tightens in Akira's clothes.]

...I don't want to lose them again, though. I don't want to misremember all the times we talked, like... like that's going to make me happy.

I want to go back to the real world. And I want to see you and eat bento together and play games, and... and go outside.

[The breath he takes in to steady himself still shakes, but his voice is sure:]

...I told you. It'll always be you. I can't- really say that, unless I go with you, right...?

I’ll just remind you again and again if you forget because - [ a crooked smile, pressing kisses on his knuckles ] - because I’m not leaving you.

I did think about it a lot. [ they both know how often he thinks about the other boy. but he was also considering the idea of. staying. what would happen if he did, if he didn’t ] But then I thought… about how we wouldn’t get to grow up together. In here.

[ or… old together, to learn each other in the ways his parents have ]

But I would’ve tried for you, Yoshi. I really would have. I still would if any part of you is still unsure.

[Oh...

He shakes his head a little, though it looks very much like the tears are starting again.]

I don't want to stay. I don't want that voice- I don't want Lily to be right.

[That part at least is firm. Lily, dv, whoever, whatever they are - he refuses to let them have that.]

He said he's going to keep me, but I don't want that. I want to get out of here with you.

I'm not going to let him trick me into thinking staying here is better again.

[ that’s his decision then, right? that’s as sure as sure can be. so deto can properly say what he’s promised to ]

He can’t have you. He can’t touch you.

[ the voice can try but it’ll be literally over deto’s dead body. and he has no intention of dying before meeting nanashi in person. not only that, he believes in the way his heart beats for this boy. he believes in of all the possibilities within that soft face, in that battered heart ]

Be mine, Yoshi.

[ conviction makes it into a statement, but it’s a question just for him ]

I like you. I love you.

[ firm and sure, with all the earnestness and intensity of first love from a stubborn boy who refuses to back down on this ]

You’re it for me.

[It distracts from the fear and - in a small way, anger, a tiny little spark in a wet forest - his gaze fixing properly on the boy in front of him instead of feeding into further anxiety about Lily.

...Right. This is what they agreed to.

He has his answer, and it's time to say it.]

...I like you. And... I love you, too. When we were on the beach - I knew I had to make sure I never lost it. That I never forgot that moment.

[His memories feel like a mess in a different way right now, but he's got that one locked down, clear where others are muddied, still finding the right place to slot back into the timeline.]

It'll always be you.

[ quietly listening to yoshi’s words until that last sentence. then the way deto smiles at him, like he’s everything deto could ever want found right here in is arms. and he is. deto’s fine with him being a little scrambled, a little bruised because he’s always believed in that little spark within him ]

So it’ll be you and me from now until always.

[ he’s not done asking all the things, properly ]

When we get out of here, once I graduate, move in with me? You get tamagoyaki for lunch everyday. …And I’ll make you tempura and croquettes for the rest of your life.

[ he knows what he’s asking with this phrasing, deliberate and just for yoshi to understand ]

Edited 2023-10-18 14:15 (UTC)

[Oh. He wasn't expecting that to be part of the equation, not really. It's clear by the way his eyes go wide and his cheeks flush pink that he's been caught off guard.

And he'd just calmed enough that the red left his face...]

It- it doesn't have to be every day.

[He says it with a laugh, part incredulous, part touched, the lengths he's willing to go, far more than anyone else ever has in his life.

He leans in, nuzzling up against Akira's cheek, overcome with affection, face flushed pleasantly warm.]

...I'll come with you. But- I'll help with cooking, too. I'll learn all the things you like, so...

Let me give back too.

[ the fierce smile that breaks across his face quickly gives way to a bright, elated laugh. ]

Ha, I dunno, I think I just got a lot back right now once you said yes. I think I just got everything I wanted.

[ he nuzzled back, lifting the other boy off his feet, into a sweeping hug. all of yoshi, all of him, all deto’s. ]

Whoa-!

[Getting picked up definitely catches him off guard, but he's a noodle and therefore very easily pickupable. Who'd have thought?]

[The hug is nice though, and once he gets over the initial startle he just laughs along with Akira, curling his arms and legs around the other boy, clinging to him.]

...Even if you say that, it's hard to feel like... I'm worth all that.

[Getting his memories back didn't magically fix his self-esteem. If anything, it just made it tank again.]

...I love you. So that's why... I want to become better, too.

I want to be able to make your favorite foods, and do all kinds of things you love too, Akira.

Yeah? Keep saying my name then.

[ yoshi smiles, this close and this warm, and deto smiles back. he imagines he looks something like a besotted idiot, hopeless, helplessly charmed by every look, every expression.

it really is too bad that star-shaped mole is hidden by his hair. deto brushes his lips against it, then does the same for yoshi’s lips. ]

Everything I have and everything I like, I’ll share with you. So those complicated feelings tearing you up inside, share them with me, okay? No matter how long they stay with you, I’ll stay with you longer. Forever.

[ he’s not the strongest guy, but he can manage to walk them to yoshi’s bed, where he sets the boy down carefully at its edge. ]

Do you want to talk more about them?

[How quickly it's become second nature to lean into every kiss, every touch, nuzzling at Akira's neck to leave a kiss in return as he's carried back to his bed. It's once he's settled down, heard Akira's words through, that he looks at the other boy, expression puzzled.]

Talk about... being trash?

[ kneeling down in front of him, taking his hands ]

Feeling like trash. You're not trash.

[He gives Akira one of those little smiles that says everything for him: he believes Akira believes that. But he can't believe it himself.]

...I'm not really sure why everyone came to that conclusion. But they all do, eventually.

The memories I was left with... it was all the times I made friends. People don't actually mind me to start, you know? They'll say I'm friendly and sociable, things like that. But then...

...

...After a week or so, it's like they've seen something disgusting about me. And after that, they can't stand to be around me anymore. Over and over again...

["Drifting between groups" indeed.]

...And then, before I know it, there isn't anyone left. ...But that's not how it is for normal people, is it?

[ deto shakes his head, trying to concentrate on the hands held in his. trying real hard not to let his anger burst out. ]

You are normal. But no, that kind of situation… It sounds like there was something - or I guess someone - following you, determined to alienate you from everyone.

It just takes one domino to start for them all to tumble, right? So if there was someone spreading rumors behind your back to their friends, to your friends. Or like, some brat telling their parents lies about you, and those parents tell their friends who tell their kids to stay away.

It doesn’t even have to be anything probable. They could say you’re cursed because of the way you look, and superstition will handle the rest.

Maybe...

It was only a few people calling me trash at first. But after a while, it spread. When I said I didn't mind it, that's when people started getting creative with all kinds of other names, too.

[ a hissed breath. he counts to three in his head, then to ten, then to twenty. ]

I hate that so much. I hate how cruel they were to you. [ but at least he’s saying this as calmly as he can, fingers flexing around yoshi’s. ] You were just a kid.

[ in his mind’s eye, a smaller version of yoshi with big red eyes. as a child, what do you do when something like this happens to you? how do you ask for help when you don’t know you need it? ]

I would have fought for you, if we had met earlier. But I’m always going to be glad you exist, okay?

[...

He holds onto Akira's hands, grip squeezing tight for a moment.]

I should be happy to hear that, but my heart just hurts again...

[After being numb to it all for so long, it feels especially painful now.]

That just means it’s working.

[ that it’s still beating after everything it’s been through. ]

Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything.

...I don't know.

I tried... really, really hard not to want too much.

It... didn't really feel like I deserved to.

[To want. To hurt. To cry.

If he hollowed himself out, maybe he'd have more to give, then...]

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