altimit | [Closed] misteaks' mistakes

[Barrett’s sudden change in appearance is quite the surprise to Levi as he approaches. He’d wonder if it was a simple outfit swap, but those horns and wings… No, that’s something more permanent. After what was going on with Mithrun, he knows how bad this could be for his friend.

(His…friend?)

As concerned as this makes him, he stamps it down for the meantime. He needs to keep his cool, for everyone’s sake.

…oh, this is about Lily? His eyebrows raise slightly, but his tone remains neutral.]

What’d he say?

[...

There's a pause, as though hesitant.]

Do you remember when I first took you to see him? How you felt the whole time?

…suspicious, mostly. And angry at you, for some reason.

[The particulars beyond that are fuzzy.]

But something Lily said won me over. It was something we both felt strongly about.

You should have been angry. Maybe angrier than you were. I wish I'd known earlier.

...

I remember being glad that you were here. That you felt the same way I did about everything. About how Lily was being treated.

But...

[He looks at his hands, frown thinning.]

...I think I forced you into this. I never really stopped to think about how you felt, or what I was doing to you. Even if you came along... maybe it's my fault, that you're not safer, or happier. Because I wanted you there, more than I wanted you to have a choice.

...

I'm sorry.

Edited 2023-10-22 23:26 (UTC)

[Levi’s mouth falls open slightly in confusion.

It feels strange to hear this now of all times. It’s what he wanted to hear all the way back then, when the only thing he received was a cold shoulder instead.

But he doesn’t say anything about that when he responds. He just shakes his head.]

Misteaks…

[That’s the only name that Levi knows him by, yet it feels strange and unfamiliar when it rolls off his tongue.]

Where’s this coming from all of the sudden?

[He leans over with his elbows against the railing, eyes tracing the canals up to the silhouette of the clock tower.]

He let me know. What I've been doing to you. What could happen if I can't make things right.

...I've been an idiot.

No you haven’t.

[He snaps back on instinct. Something deep within him refuses to let Misteaks demean himself like that.

But what follows isn’t self-deprecation of his own.]

…I don’t know what he told you, but it’s not like I’m blaming you for any of it.

[...Huh. That's a surprise.

He pauses, turning to look towards Leviathan with raised brows and confusion in his gaze.]

...I didn't think you'd be so bold about it.

I wouldn't hold it against you if you did. In fact, I...

I don't think I'd argue, if you ever decided this decision was wrong.

[Shame clouds Levi’s eyes as he reflects on 0koto’s scathing monologue toward him.

Is he too naive? Too trusting?

Which is it, Leviathan-kun?

Are you saying that he cannot be trusted to make decisions for himself?

After you let him stumble into all of this? That, I would have to agree with.

It made him unbelievably angry at the time. But unlike what was happening with Misteaks, Levi was completely in control of his emotions.

He simply couldn’t handle hearing the cold, hard truth.]

The more time that’s gone by, the more I’ve been wondering if we made the right choice. As much as I want to believe in Lily, I don’t know what to think anymore.

If I could do it all again, I’d have pushed back harder. But I didn’t, because I was too afraid of disappointing you. I thought that I’d do the next best thing and go with you so I could keep an eye on you. Protect you.

[He crosses his arms, looking Misteaks over. Looking at what has become of him.]

I should have had more of a spine. I should have been firmer in showing you the red flags that you couldn’t see. And now I’m worried I’m coming to terms with that too late— that I won’t be able to turn this around.

[His lips thin,the skin at the edges of his jawline cracking at the motion, flaking, as though he's made of quickly setting plaster that can't quite get its hold. His eyes drift, to the ground, to his own ashen hands, back out to the water.]

...There's nothing to turn around. I was made to stay here. Nowhere else. I see that now.

I'm just sorry all I caused for you was fear. That I didn't let you be mad. But...

I think... while I had it, I was glad you were with me. Even if I was just being selfish.

No you weren't.

[Misteaks might think he didn't let Levi get mad in the past, but he's definitely getting there now. Not at Misteaks. Not at himself. At Fragment. At--]

There's something for us beyond this- beyond Fragment. I can't explain why I'm so certain of that, but there is. I refuse to believe this is all you have going for you.

So I'm not going anywhere. Not until we figure this out.

...

[There's something pained in the way he looks almost happy, at that slight burst of temper. More of that. That feels right. That feels like Leviathan.

Hd's not sure what to call the feeling that touches him. Digging through the anger.

Sentiment.

A beat, and his face carefully smoothes over.]

If you stay, I'll hurt you. I'll kill you, Leviathan.

If you stay, it means we'll have to fight. And you won't win. Because this is all I'm built for in the end.

I'm here to show this to Lily. What feelings make someone want to fight. To kill.

And Lily knows I'll be the end of you.

So he did do this to you.

[He heard the rest loud and clear, but he's not crumbling under those words. He's not afraid. He's done with hiding away.

A deeper instinct shines through instead.]

This isn't what we joined up with him for! He's just using you now!

All he did was show me what I am. He reminded me of my name. Everything else... I know it doesn't matter anymore. Only my task matters.

Everything I asked for before... I broke it all. I didn't know any better. She bled in my hands.

[A mumbled salad of ideas, words, that may not make sense to Leviathan but paint a clear enough picture for the one who stands unnamed.]

It's going to happen to you, too. It will. You'll bleed under my hands. Lily only promised me to keep you safe from CCCorp. Not from me.

Edited 2023-10-23 15:45 (UTC)

["She bled in my hands."

Something about that line sparks a flame within Levi. He has no idea who "she" is, and no matter how much he tries to rack his brain, he can't come up with a name or context. But something screams at him how wrong that is.

The flame grows as Misteaks continues. By the time he finishes, Levi's reaching for him. Not to attack, but to grab hold of his sleeve and ground him.]

No I won't.

[His grip tightens as he searches for Misteaks's gaze, his own hard and determined.]

This isn't all you are. I'll prove it to you if you won't believe it yourself.

Lily doesn't get to use you as a puppet and then say all the blood is on your hands. That's not how it works.

[His eyes squeeze shut for a moment.]

...Thank you for trying to look out for me. But now it's time for me to step up and do the same for you. While I'm still me, I'll look for a way to free you from this.

I don't need to be freed. I know what I've done. I felt her bones crack. How can you seek revenge on yourself? Do you know?

[There's an odd quality to the question, surreal, the same childish openness as the redhead always carried.

He glances at his sleeve, seemingly unshaken, before glancing back to Leviathan.]

I'm jealous. Whoever you thought I was gets hope and anger from you. I think I see.

But you don't use my name.

Yes you do! Listen to yourself! You can't keep blaming yourself for what you couldn't...control...

[Wait.

"I felt her bones crack."

That's not...right. Right?]

H-Huh?

[Moreover, what's this about him not using Misteaks's name?

His hand goes slack, sliding off of Misteaks's sleeve. His eyes are widened slightly, as though he's finally noticed it himself.]

Haven't I only ever known you as Mr_Misteaks?

[There it is again- the unpleasant sensation when he utters that name. Why does it feel so unfamiliar?]

Maybe. But that's not my name. That's not me.

[Simple and straightforward.]

My name is Tarvos.

Lily found me. He watched me tear it all apart. He let me wake up. I accepted it.

[A tilt of his head, slight, as his expression tightens, as he straightens up from the bridge to his full height above Leviathan. A subtle push. A testing.]

What makes you think I ever had control?

Do you know how angry I've become? Do you know what you could do, if you felt this way, too?

Tarvos?

[Levi repeats, skeptical. While saying "Mr_Misteaks" aloud felt wrong, this just feels even worse.

Before he knows it, he's suddenly cast in the being now known as Tarvos's shadow.

He doesn't budge. He looks up, confused but refusing to be intimidated.]

I don't just think it. I know it. Just like I know this anger isn't you. You never used to be like this! [His voice cracks slightly, emotion seeping in.] You were...you were one of the most caring and compassionate people I'd ever met!

[Even when I was at my lowest, you told me you were proud of me.]

Lily didn't awaken this anger in you. He put it there! He did this!

Compassion...

It wasn't meant to be forever. I would have turned into this eventually. I know I would. Maybe I acted that way because I wanted to hide what I was becoming.

I despise myself for that.

[The emotion he hears doesn't seem to deter him. Sentiment. Sentiment. Burying deep, going nowhere. But still burying.]

Don't blame Lily.

My strength is here to help him now. No matter how aggressive I become. He'll take me.

We're going to make something new for those of us that have nothing left.

[Leviathan grits his teeth. That emotion begins to heat up.

He's angry.]

I'll blame Lily all I want, because it's true.

[This is just sickening to hear. That frustration and self-loathing didn't come out of nowhere, Levi knows that. He knows Misteaks was struggling. But this just feels like exploitation. It's obvious that Lily's grip on Misteaks—on Tarvos—has become unbearably tight. It's twisted him in a way that Leviathan almost wonders if there's any hope of getting through to him like this.

He's going to keep trying until Tarvos stops him.]

So you're just going to give up and let Lily keep using you?! That's what's going to fulfill you?!

Open your eyes, Misteaks! You've sure got enough of them now! This isn't all you have going for you! This isn't what you deserve!

[Don't give up. That's what Misteaks would say to him. He's just returning the favor.]

[There's a firm, angered exhale as Tarvos advances on him, one ashen hand abruptly reaching out to shove Leviathan backwards down the length of the bridge.

Is it loss, that fuels this one's sudden flare? Is it indignation? Or maybe he simply does not like being told he is wrong. He doesn't know enough. Not yet. Not yet.]

Yes. It is.

I'm nothing but data. And data belongs in a world made for it. I have a job to do to make sure it's finished.

...Don't use that name. You're wasting your breath.

[Try as he might to hold Tarvos back, Leviathan simply isn't strong enough to do so at his current level. He goes stumbling backward, skidding to a halt. But he's not done. Not even close.]

I'll keep using it until you finally hear me.

[He makes an attempt to return to Tarvos, still unarmed. But that might change, if Tarvos continues to be hostile.]

Why won't you believe me? Please, just let me try to help you!

[Tch. He wished it didn't come to this.

His spear is withdrawn - something newer, heavier, not the bright white blade he's had on for the last few weeks.]

Your anger drips off you over something that's fake.

Are you going to find vengeance like this?? With a purposeless rage? Or are you just mad being told the truth?

Edited 2023-10-26 18:27 (UTC)

[Closed] misteaks' mistakes - the sequel (catchall)

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