altimit | [Closed] misteaks' mistakes

[There's a momentary pause, as though the young man feels the confidence may be misplaced. But he tries to return to the feeling rather than dismiss it, letting his fork trace part of the empty portion of his plate.]

It's kind of hard to really believe right now. After everything, I haven't feel very good. I haven't feel very smart, either. And for a while, I thought everything I wanted was just falling apart. I can't do what I dreamed about anymore.

I think... that's why Lily really clung to me, in the end. Because I felt so hopeless.

But...

Now, after everything, I still... feel it's going to be okay, somehow. So long as I don't give up. I've got people that love me. Here, and out there.

[His smile is bittersweet, but genuine.]

So maybe you're right.

[ It's times like these that Hector really wishes he knew more about this life outside of Fragment, these experiences he's supposedly had. Quietly and silently to himself, he curses how helpless he feels right now. He just doesn't know what to say to encourage him. Emotionally, he has full faith in Barrett. But intellectually? Blank.

Still, he can still draw on the experiences he has here and now. He starts scooping together the crumbs that he missed into a little pile near the outer ridge of his plate. ]

I think the biggest thing you can do to hurt Cubia is prove him wrong. You will definitely be fine. [ He doesn't want to say Lily anymore, because he doesn't feel that monster of a construct deserves the name. ] And even if we don't remember the same things you do, I don't think that changes their faith in you.

[ He scoops up the crumbs and shovels them in his mouth. ] I know I'm right.

[ He grins!!! ]

Edited (hadsfajhsd) 2023-11-12 18:38 (UTC)

[He can't help but snicker a little at that, taking a bite of his own slice that's a bit too big for his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.]

Yeah. I want to trust in you guys more than I have been in the past. Even if it's hard to trust in myself. Or... I guess, especially when it's hard to do that.

[Something Hector said does seems to weigh on him a little, though, even as he traces a finger against a bit of frosting left behind on his own plate and brings it to his mouth.]

I do want to prove him wrong. But... I don't know if I'll be able to hurt him when it counts.

[ Ah, so is a fight inevitable, then? From the way Barrett seems to dip into gloominess, the wording, puts the thought into Hector's head. Maybe Cubia will deliver himself on a silver platter for the pummeling.

That would be the best case scenario, he thinks. ]

It's okay. [ He'll keep saying this again and again, because by god he will do everything in his power to make sure it is. He places his empty plate to the side and leans back in his chair, getting comfortable, but still attentive. ] If it comes to that, you hopefully won't be facing him alone. Ideally, all the rest of us will be there by your side, and we'll be supporting each other.

[ A beat. ]

You're probably sick of hearing this from other people, but I think nicknaming him Lily was a mistake.

[ Because look where it got u, kiddo :/ ]

[...]

Yeah. I know.

Not many people have actually talked to me about it. Levi was really mad at first, but he's forgotten. Shoka, too, when she found out. And... now you.

I don't really talk about her that much. About... what happened. But I guess... someone told someone at some point, though. I feel like I see it all over the forums now from people I've never told.

[An important context, but still something that scraped at the wounds inside of him and kept them raw. A consequence among many for his mistakes. He had no control over the information now that it was loose.]

I thought if her nickname was a part of the game, it would be nice to have something to remember her by. That maybe I could surprise Levi with it someday. But... it just feels like the opposite now.

[ Though the context, true understanding of what he saw in the mirrors all that time ago has left him with all the other memories of the world outside of Fragment, Hector still knows that Lily is the name of someone extremely precious to Barrett, someone he lost a long time ago.

So he gets the need to keep her memory alive, somehow. And he gets that, maybe when Cubia first appeared to him, he had no idea what would happen. Hector thinks of what he might've named Cubia, if he came to him first, and he knows he would've picked something stupid. Like Onion. ]

I know. I get it. [ He crosses both his arms and his legs. He looks hard at Barrett, but not in an accusing manner. ] But you can find other ways to honor her memory here. It's not too late to change things. I just don't think Cubia's worthy of the name anymore.

[ There's another moment of silence as he debates saying this. He doesn't want to keep hounding him like he did before, but... ]

I know neither of us were really...ourselves. But it did make it a little hard to talk about him with you. [ ... ] You were really attached.

...I know.

I trusted him a lot. So it hurt to have people not see my side of things. And when Tarvos was getting stronger... I just got angry, too. Lily gave me purpose when I was Tarvos. Nothing else mattered more.

[He was nothing but a machine of loyalty and outrage by the end... but even before, he knows he'd tried far too many people and their cumulative patience. Part of him is surprised anyone had come back to speak at all.]

...I did a lot of really awful things, thinking I could protect him. But I just hurt people. I made myself look stupid. [There's something fragile in how his tone drops for the briefest of moments.] And Lily... Cubia... never really cared.

...

I'm sorry. For the way I spoke to you. For hurting you, and not trying to listen more.

Edited 2023-11-15 04:47 (UTC)

[ It's so clear in hindsight. Hector's question of what happened to you was clearly Cubia meddling in Barrett's person. Which obviously wasn't his fault. But it tugs in a weird way to know that Hector wasn't there to help him. He wasn't even there to know what happened. If only he had done something differently, or said something, maybe he could've done something to prevent this from happening... Now all he can do is help patch things up and pick up the pieces.

Hector's close enough that he can lean forward in his chair, grip Barrett's shoulder firmly, and fix him with a steady gaze. ]

I'm sorry, too. I didn't know what was going on, and I wish I'd done more to help you. You're okay, Barrett.

[ He didn't even know about Cubia until it was too late. He was too blasé, and then he was on the back foot when it actually mattered...

He leans back in his chair, hand retreating to fiddle with the hem of his clothes. ]

I don't think anyone blames you. Everyone kinda gets the bigger picture, and...I think people have a clear distinction between you and whatever Cubia's infection was making you do.

[ At least, that's how it is for Hector. ]

...I don't know if it's that simple anymore.

[The sentiment and solidarity feels nice. But he knows the comments he's already received, from friends and strangers alike, have been mixed. Some are willing to forgive. Some may never want to. He was still himself when be chose to speak to Cubia the first time, and many times after that. So he knows he can't blame people for being upset at his own ignorance.]

But... I can't really take anything back now. All I can do is try to help make things right.

I don't want his paradise. I just want to get everyone home.

[ Ah. Well, Hector probably has his blind spots. His unyielding faith means, in a weird naive way, he's willing to forgive Barrett and Mithrun for what they've done. And he fully expects everyone else to do the same. It's straightforward in his mind. ]

Neither do I.

[ He relaxes, looks at Barrett. ]

I'll do whatever I can to help you, too.

...

Could you have more cake with me, then?

[ Barrett is very lucky, because the laugh Hector gives is more akin to a soft chuckle. A giggle, if you may. This is rare, and Barrett deserves it. ]

Sure.

[ He reaches for the container again and hands it off to the big son for him to cut it up.

It's hard to describe how relieved Hector is that he's alive. Sharing cake with him is probably the best thing he could ask for. ]

[Closed] misteaks' mistakes - the sequel (catchall)

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