altimit | .:Oh shit it's November:.

[ He'd wanted to remember these things. And it's hard, remembering these things. The nervous, giddy energy in him when he'd returned from Greece. The budding sense of determination — the feeling that after all these years, he was finally ready to shake off the dust, to tentatively try living. He can remember the sensation; but he can't grasp it anymore.

He's quiet for a bit, although he does turn his head to press another kiss to Ganymede's temple. ]

...If I need to make any more excuses to your family, I really won't be brave enough. S-so please, make my job a little easier...

[ No more life or death peril? If avoidable? The kink episodes will remain their own little secret, thanks. ]

[ Ganymede is frowning a little, noticing the quiet in Michel. He doesn't know what is going on in his head of his, but he understands it's something. And he refuses to ignore it. Even with what he said before, little signs like this...

Maybe it's because of his words, the many times they nearly died. Or his own inner struggles. He asked for him to be honest about them. But the kiss against his head distracts him. Only a little, though. ]

...I'll make sure I'll make it to the end with you so we can see the light of that other world again.

You can be certain about that.

[ There is no such thing as avoidable peril, so Ganymede can't grant him that, and he won't bother saying something like that. Which...might not be a comfort. But, he has every intention of making good on what he said, more than anything.

He is getting out of here alive with him, no matter what. ]

[ He knows his little silences are worrying. Ganymede is trying, and he's trying... He nuzzles a tiny bit at Ganymede's hair, trying to grasp the feelings enough to put them into words. ]

...It's difficult for me to picture right now. [ Or to believe in certainties that are beyond their control. Many things, Ganymede can't do anything about. Others, he knows he won't change. ] But I intend to keep working towards that. With you.

[ He wants Ganymede to reach that world again. Sinclair, Oria, Justy, Hani. Yuui and Yael and Miharu and Noir. So, he'll keep trying. ]

[ They are both trying their best, aren't they? Ganymede is still freshly scared about what has just happened and ... he feels the light nuzzle against his hair, then the words that follow.

Which allow him some insight into his mind. ]

I'll make it easier for you to picture too.

[ He murmurs, sounding confident about that. When Michel states he wants to work towards it, then they should do better and better to hone in that confidence.

Otherwise, Ganymede knows, and understands now...that uncertainty can be used against him. Or any single one of them. And he personally wants Michel to be more confident too. As much as he can be, for his own sake. ]

With me by your side, you'll be as confident and certain as a god.

[ ...

Okay, maybe not that much. But, shh. ]

[ That comparison... he lets out a tiny chuckle and shifts Ganymede in his arms. Maybe, with food accomplished, more sleep wouldn't hurt... And he can reach out to someone who might have more ideas about what they can do for Ganymede's injury. ]

I'm fairly certain you're the one as confident as a god.

[ But he won't tell Ganymede otherwise. Even the thought of the taste of harsh words twists his stomach now. He wonders how long it will be before he can hear his own acerbic commentary in anything but Gorre's voice. ]

[ Ganymede happily is shifted in those arms; they feel slightly different now, but he thinks he has felt held by their weight before. The mind may have forgotten, but the body will always remember.

His cheeks do burn a little at the comment, though. He murmurs, softly: ]

...Only because you're here with me.

[ Is it true? Ganymede thinks that he has always been the type to be headstrong, but if he had lost Michel, there is no way he could have proceeded forward with any semblance of confidence. ]

[ Is that true? It's hard to imagine. Even with those glimpses of Ganymede at his lowest, quiet and emptied out. Michel reaches down to put his fingers gently to Ganymede's chin, looking down at his expression. ]

You carry your light inside of you.

[ Ganymede doesn't need someone like him, and never has. Or... is he just pushing his own notions of strength onto Ganymede? He rubs his thumb lightly along the line of Ganymede's jaw and lets go so he can snuggle in as he likes again.

He doesn't know how to feel about that. But a reminder that he's needed here in some way... perhaps that's not all bad. ]

Michel...I'm happy that you think that.

[ Ganymede says, gently, feeling the touch, and wanting to feel it again, but also desiring the snuggle as well, closing his eyes a bit, thinking about it all, shifting so he can settle more comfortably against him. ]

People say that I'm strong, that I have had a lot of hope inside of me, even when it feels like I don't. But, I do believe it too. Your words too.

[ 'You're hopeless.'

...Or perhaps some people have said things against holding such brilliant hopes. And it makes him happy, to hear Michel does not think the same, as always, and to have faith in him. He doesn't refute it either.

But, he would move forward as a shadow than a ray of light without him. His whole being, and that ring, would bear witness. ]

Edited 2023-11-15 02:31 (UTC)

[ Michel slides his fingers through Ganymede's hair before settling his arms around him again, just holding him close. Ganymede trusts his words so readily. He wants... to have the kind of heart that can reciprocate as easily, as warmly. He wants to be able to believe in the things that Ganymede can.

Wanting is still a start. He holds onto that thought and closes his eyes restfully, his palm tracing a gentle path over Ganymede's back. ]

You are. But I won't make you carry it all alone again.

[ He'll be here. He promised. One step at a time. ]

And... thank you. For believing me.

[ Always. Ganymede can trust any word that falls from Michel's lips...which is just because he is the way that he is with someone he loves dearly.

Though, he certainly is keeping closer attention to the smaller things now. He'll drag Michel with him into the sunlight. Without fail, without Cubia getting its disgusting claws around his boyfriend and loved ones again. ]

Okay...I'll remember you said that.

[ He raises a finger up to tap his nose. ]

You can thank me in more snuggles and kisses. But, it's only natural I would.

You did apologize sincerely.

[ Michel lets out a quiet laugh, his brow furrowing a little. He understands Ganymede enough by now to know that he's completely in earnest. And at the same time... he wonders if he'll ever completely understand him.

But it's an easy request, at least. He snuggles Ganymede closer and tilts his head to kiss the tips of those fingers. ]

Is it as simple as that to you? Then... you can reciprocate by resting for a bit and healing properly.

[ The Uta fight will be understood as extenuating circumstances. But after that, to the infirmary with him. ]

[ A light soft sound that is definitely a gentle little laugh. Ah...he pauses, he hadn't been doing much of that lately himself.

But the sound of Michel's is contagious and the kisses pressed against his fingertips? Yes, reason for joy. Small things, maybe, that both of them can enjoy (and he is so, so pleased to make Michel capable of involving himself in such things at all.) ]

Since you insist, I guess all I can do is be wrapped up in your arms until then. Alas, what will I do now except be at the mercy of your warm cuddles and love?

[ ...Does this mean when he gets to the infirmary Michel does do the head tippy to make him take the medicine when he makes a face? Because that truly would be good incentive- ]

Edited 2023-11-15 17:19 (UTC)

You're ridiculous...

[ But it's good that not memory loss, not injury, not physical and emotional trauma have changed that. If Ganymede somehow does make it out of this... maybe he can somehow keep that core of him intact. If everything that came before hadn't broken him, Michel should probably have expected that. ]

But... that's right. It's best that you accept your fate...

[ No, he can't talk like this even as a weak joke. But he can drop another kiss to the top of Ganymede's head. Soften him up now, so he'll be good and pliable for the inevitable gentle bullying and head tippy in the infirmary. ]

Destiny's forbidden cuddles...

[ Yeah...well, if only Michel knew that he doesn't have to be concerned with the aspect of Ganymede dying...

...Probably.

Anyway, what he does get is Ganymede laughing in earnest at the joke. For some reason he does find it funny. Bad sense of humor? Who can say.

Ganymede probably doesn't get out of bed until whenever Uta's announcement is out there in the wild, and then subsequently...everything else. ]

[ The future, however? Is less forgiving.

The aftermath of Uta's battle leaves Ganymede a bit lost, but other than being dragged to a meeting at Solar Eclipse, well, he is being miserable (no he was feeling awful then too.) After all, he mostly spends time with Michel and then there's the stuff about infirmary going up. He's in such a bad mood he can't properly express how amazing it is, but he is probably nudged to go along to said place eventually.

Once he arrives with Michel, he stares at some of the equipment around here, though. Signs of something good upon the horizon. ]

...They really outdid themselves. Everyone's teamwork is amazing, isn't it?

[ Michel's responses are still a little sluggish, as though every word he says has to go through a few more layers of processing than usual. Because he was always such a chatty and outgoing man.

He glances over at Ganymede's expression, searching for a slight sign of easing tension, of hope. And he reaches over to rub his palm soothingly against Ganymede's back. ]

Your cousin, Noir, Vogel... they must have been working hard on this.

[ And Zelkova, wherever he is again now. Perhaps that will be at least one worry off of Ganymede's mind. Michel nudges him gently along, trying to ease him towards an infirmary bed. If he gets him near enough to the radius the AI nurses will probably descend upon him. ]

[ It's okay. Ganymede can still be the chattier of the two here. He leans into the touch, and then, shifts slightly, wanting to hug Michel tight, close to him.

It is a moment like this he realizes how fortunate he is, that Michel hadn't wound up like Uta. That he's still here, with him. ]

...That's right, they have. All this time.

[ He says, gently—there is no despair in his expression, though. A deep sadness that persists which might be taken for that, and he allows the other to ease him on the infirmary bed. Though he will also pull on his arm, to sit down with him. ]

Join me. I can't imagine lying down—so sit with me?

[ And also, he asks, just as softly: ]

...Did you know Uta at all?

[ Michel lets himself be tugged down, settling beside Ganymede to wrap his arms around him lightly. As long as there are no witnesses at the moment, he won't be self-conscious about these little displays of affection. ]

You'll have to lie down long enough to rest eventually...

[ But he can understand if Ganymede doesn't want it to be right this moment. Dreams lower too many barriers, when an injury is still fresh. ]

...Only a very little. We talked about her songs, briefly. You knew her well?

[ This is how both of them get checked out by the AI hospital fam, I guess. He really pauses at the other saying as much and leans into Michel's embrace. If he lies down, does it mean Michel has to go away?

He doesn't voice the question because it feels stupid. ]

I don't need much rest, though. And I can't sleep like this so I wouldn't get any at all.

[ Unless he was held in Michel's arms. He'd be able to sleep then. Maybe they could both rest up here. Surely, Michel is tired too? In his own way? He went through a lot too...but he pauses at the answer, before nodding. ]

I didn't know her real name until the annoucement. But, we were good friends. We hung out and spoke a lot.

...I thought I could save her. No, not me. The four of us. [ His voice grows softer: ] Do you think that was stupid of me? When the signs were all there? That she was already dead?

[ Michel is deeply tired, too. Which is another reason his answer is slow, measured. He runs his palm lightly along Ganymede's arm as he holds him, just a soothing gesture to try to keep the pause from landing as awkward agreement. He's learned at least this much finesse. ]

...No. Of course not. In order to fight, everyone has been believing in the best possible outcome. It might be impossible to face these battles otherwise. I think... all of you share the sentiment.

[ Carefully, so carefully. He knows how blunt he is at the best of times. And he knows that right now, even Ganymede is a little fragile. ]

We had no way of confirming any information from the outside. Distrusting those reports is understandable. As is... needing them not to be true.

[ Had he accepted it so easily because of his naturally negative temperament? Because he hadn't been as close to her? If it had been Oria, or Ganymede, what would he have believed? He doesn't know for certain. ]

[ Well, Michel is in luck, then. Because after he feels the gentle, soothing gesture by the other's palm running against his arm, he will shift to wrap his arms around the other tightly. There is truly no escape now.

He will have to eventually lie down in the same bed with him and nap once Ganymede gets his painkillers. That said, Ganymede hasn't wanted to ask such a question of anyone; but to Michel, he thinks he could accept a difficult answer here than with anyone else.

(Except he misjudges that reasoning in this very specific case. He would have just burst into tears and blamed himself. The fact Michel does his best to answer the way he does is a godsend.) ]

All of us have...? Yeah, maybe that's right. We need that kind of hope and belief to keep moving forward.

[ He considers those other words carefully. It is also true that, once again, no one had reason to trust the reports, and he does catch the other half of that answer too. ]

I guess some of it really was some kind of desperation in the end, but...hearing you say it the way you did does make it seem reasonable. Even if it won't bring Uta back at all, and it still hurts. It...doesn't twist the knife deeper.

[ He nuzzles his head a bit more into Michel's chest, closing his eyes. ]

[ Michel relaxes very minutely at those words. It's impossible not to second-guess himself since Gorre, mindful that everything he says might come out barbed from sheer habit. He nods and lifts one hand to smooth it over Ganymede's hair lightly, avoiding the bruised place on his head. ]

You knew her better... But I think that being sent off by people who cared for her may have been some measure of peace. Corbenik's data was death and rebirth. So perhaps, she permitted who she felt she needed in that arena.

[ To find a death she found satisfying? Would Uta have wanted death for herself, without Corbenik's influence? But he doesn't know how to say any of that without putting his foot in his mouth, so he lapses into silence again. ]

[ With them this close together, it's not impossible to feel the way the other man relaxes against him. He doesn't open his eyes, allowing the gentle, and calm sensation of the other lightly caressing his hair wash over. ]

...Really? Then you believe that was why so few people were let in...?

[ Ganymede doesn't think Uta wanted to die. But, something about that statement he feels exists a possible spark of truth—in that she selected the people she did because of how things happened. It explains why Michel couldn't get in. ]

It looks like Corbenik only really collected data on death, rather than rebirth, though. I wonder, if it considered her 'existing' in the World as her rebirth, though that sounds a little limited.

It's only a possibility. But, she was a kind person. It would make sense to me... for her sake, and to allow her to say her farewells in the best way she could to those who needed them.

[ She'd accepted her death, he thinks. At least — the one in the real world. Although he doesn't know how much of that was Corbenik already, and what was Unna.

But with Ganymede relaxing in his arms, he thinks he hasn't mistepped yet... somehow. Perhaps it's enough to keep petting him like this, slow and warm. ]

...It could be. Possibly there isn't much Corbenik could gather in the way of data for that. She came to Tarvos and Macha's fight. [ Ah, but that's his pragmatic tendencies taking over again. He pauses. ] Or, it's possible she found her "rebirth" data in another form. I... couldn't hear what was said, from where I was.

[ Ganymede knew her better, so all he can do is speculate. And he knows his tendency to focus excessively on the cold facts. ]

...Farewells.

[ Ganymede's mind is caught upon the word. It hurt, seeing the last he had of her. She hadn't a chance to really say the words out loud, 'goodbye', but...

That last smile she gave.

In the end, that was not shadowed by anything else. It was Uta's true self, in the end. Hearing that is somehow comforting in a grim way, that also compounds upon the hurt deep inside but sticks nonetheless. ]

I can't say I'd still know what kind of rebirth data she'd found. I was...really angry, at everything she'd said as Corbenik. She kept saying things over and over again, about killing her vessel, to free us from the attachment.

I don't think I'd ever really know. Or, maybe I'd need more time to think about it. These subtle things...I wasn't really all that good at catching.

[ But, even if Michel had heard her, through the songs, and everything, would he know too? ]

.:Oh shit it's November:.

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1/2

2/2 [spongebob voice: one day or so later]

im going to send your mudkips into space

they're really innocent this time i swear

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