altimit | .:Oh shit it's November:.

[ Well, Michel is in luck, then. Because after he feels the gentle, soothing gesture by the other's palm running against his arm, he will shift to wrap his arms around the other tightly. There is truly no escape now.

He will have to eventually lie down in the same bed with him and nap once Ganymede gets his painkillers. That said, Ganymede hasn't wanted to ask such a question of anyone; but to Michel, he thinks he could accept a difficult answer here than with anyone else.

(Except he misjudges that reasoning in this very specific case. He would have just burst into tears and blamed himself. The fact Michel does his best to answer the way he does is a godsend.) ]

All of us have...? Yeah, maybe that's right. We need that kind of hope and belief to keep moving forward.

[ He considers those other words carefully. It is also true that, once again, no one had reason to trust the reports, and he does catch the other half of that answer too. ]

I guess some of it really was some kind of desperation in the end, but...hearing you say it the way you did does make it seem reasonable. Even if it won't bring Uta back at all, and it still hurts. It...doesn't twist the knife deeper.

[ He nuzzles his head a bit more into Michel's chest, closing his eyes. ]

[ Michel relaxes very minutely at those words. It's impossible not to second-guess himself since Gorre, mindful that everything he says might come out barbed from sheer habit. He nods and lifts one hand to smooth it over Ganymede's hair lightly, avoiding the bruised place on his head. ]

You knew her better... But I think that being sent off by people who cared for her may have been some measure of peace. Corbenik's data was death and rebirth. So perhaps, she permitted who she felt she needed in that arena.

[ To find a death she found satisfying? Would Uta have wanted death for herself, without Corbenik's influence? But he doesn't know how to say any of that without putting his foot in his mouth, so he lapses into silence again. ]

[ With them this close together, it's not impossible to feel the way the other man relaxes against him. He doesn't open his eyes, allowing the gentle, and calm sensation of the other lightly caressing his hair wash over. ]

...Really? Then you believe that was why so few people were let in...?

[ Ganymede doesn't think Uta wanted to die. But, something about that statement he feels exists a possible spark of truth—in that she selected the people she did because of how things happened. It explains why Michel couldn't get in. ]

It looks like Corbenik only really collected data on death, rather than rebirth, though. I wonder, if it considered her 'existing' in the World as her rebirth, though that sounds a little limited.

It's only a possibility. But, she was a kind person. It would make sense to me... for her sake, and to allow her to say her farewells in the best way she could to those who needed them.

[ She'd accepted her death, he thinks. At least — the one in the real world. Although he doesn't know how much of that was Corbenik already, and what was Unna.

But with Ganymede relaxing in his arms, he thinks he hasn't mistepped yet... somehow. Perhaps it's enough to keep petting him like this, slow and warm. ]

...It could be. Possibly there isn't much Corbenik could gather in the way of data for that. She came to Tarvos and Macha's fight. [ Ah, but that's his pragmatic tendencies taking over again. He pauses. ] Or, it's possible she found her "rebirth" data in another form. I... couldn't hear what was said, from where I was.

[ Ganymede knew her better, so all he can do is speculate. And he knows his tendency to focus excessively on the cold facts. ]

...Farewells.

[ Ganymede's mind is caught upon the word. It hurt, seeing the last he had of her. She hadn't a chance to really say the words out loud, 'goodbye', but...

That last smile she gave.

In the end, that was not shadowed by anything else. It was Uta's true self, in the end. Hearing that is somehow comforting in a grim way, that also compounds upon the hurt deep inside but sticks nonetheless. ]

I can't say I'd still know what kind of rebirth data she'd found. I was...really angry, at everything she'd said as Corbenik. She kept saying things over and over again, about killing her vessel, to free us from the attachment.

I don't think I'd ever really know. Or, maybe I'd need more time to think about it. These subtle things...I wasn't really all that good at catching.

[ But, even if Michel had heard her, through the songs, and everything, would he know too? ]

[ They're opposites in so many ways, but in this they almost come full circle. Ganymede's temper and Michel's. Michel's desire to focus on the facts and the literal against Ganymede's straight-arrow approach... Michel winds Ganymede's soft hair around his fingers as he thinks. ]

It's... ambiguous at best, to guess from her Phase what Uta really thought. Some of the feelings and thoughts come through, processed as data. Others... don't. But if there was an element of Uta's heart there, then perhaps her meaning was to let her go. Not... to hurt yourselves with her memory.

[ But, as Ganymede says: it's likely they'll never really know. All of them will just have to reach the answer they find most satisfying. He rests his cheek lightly on the top of Ganymede's head. ]

You have time to think it over. ...It's just my own thought, and you don't need to attach too much weight to it. But one of her songs... she said, "even if I disappear, my song will still ring out for you to hear." That wasn't what she was meaning when she wrote it, but...

[ The heart is still similar, isn't it? Her parents singing for her to calm her tears as a child, and the feelings she might want to leave behind for her friends? He's probably only projecting his own feelings onto hers. ]

[ Opposites truly do attract, don't they? ]

Maybe...there were multiple meanings. People aren't one-dimensional, and even if we're uncertain of a message, after some thought I think it'd be likely there would be other things too. 'Let go' 'Good-bye' 'I'm happy in my last moments I wasn't alone'...maybe more.

[ Feeling the light playing with his hair and the gentle further touch of the other by where he rests himself even closer atop it is nice. Makes him feel like putty, even if he's still clinging tightly like a koala. ]

...'I'll still be here with you, even when I'm gone'.

I guess I selfishly wish I can hear her say her own good-byes herself, one last time. But, I will have to be satisfied with this. [ He sighs softly. ] And count myself fortunate that I have someone who'd say these things nicely to me.

[ Michel could have handled that with far less grace than he did, haha. He knows this. ]

[ Did he... manage to say them nicely? At the very least, he hadn't yet tripped into his own doubts and uncertainties, wondering aloud if she could have been saved had things gone differently. That's no small victory for him.

He squeezes Ganymede again in reassurance, a tiny sigh of relief escaping him. ]

You don't have to be satisfied right now, if that's not how you feel. There's time to grieve as you need.

[ Especially since, however briefly, Ganymede has to stay still just this once. It seems like he'll be able to find an answer that satsifies him, at least. He hopes so. ]

[ That's right, Michel did a good thing. He is squeezed a bit, and hears the small sigh escape the other male, and he shifts slightly, if only so he can kiss his cheek.

But, looking around, he feels like maybe...he might have grieved in a setting like this before. Without a certain memory, he can't be too sure, though, so he lets the fleeting deja vu pass. ]

...I want to be satisfied now. I'm a little afraid, of letting my grief hold me back.

[ ... ]

You know what it's like, just keeping on pushing forward through the pain, right? I'm more used to doing that, I think. I don't remember doing otherwise.

[ The last time he grieved, he doesn't remember. No, he does remember now thanks to Michel, but only one part of that. One other memory is still locked away. ]

[ Does he know what that's like? He doesn't know loss like most of them. Yuui. Ganymede. Sinclair...

He doesn't know resilience, either. Not really. He clung to the one meager scrap of self he couldn't surrender until even that was ripped from his fingers. He's never pushed forward. He's only... refused to fall, until he did. It isn't the same. ]

...I don't. But that sounds... just like you. [ He remembers the sight of Ganymede, unmoving in his shock. Staring vacantly. He doesn't want that. ] As long as you remember that moving recklessly doesn't necessarily result in forward motion. I can't do much for you. But if we have the time to rest, you should take it.

[ Ganymede almost smiles a little to himself, thinking about something, before it passes.

Knowing what he does of Michel, he always wondered, when he had no one to support him...how else did he move forward? Is that more endurance than strength as well? And in the end, is there much difference between either?

He doesn't know. But at Michel's words, he pauses a bit longer, before finally: ]

...Would you take it with me? Rest, that is.

I'm not used to being in a place like this by myself. So, maybe I'll be able to do it after all, if it's together with you.

I think the nurses will remove me eventually...

[ Are they really allowed to share a bed? He's never been to a hospital before, but it seems unlikely.

Then again, it's not a real hospital. And they're not doing anything untoward. He gives Ganymede's hair another little nuzzle and finally tugs him gently to see if he'll lie down. ]

But, I'll stay until then. If they make me go to another bed, I won't be far.

[ He won't fight the notion that he needs some rest of his own. If he did nothing for the next month but sleep, he wouldn't mind at all. ]

They're not allowed to remove you.

[ Ganymede says this like he will fight the nurses.

They're not going to furrick in the hospital bed, it's true. They have shame! But, he feels the light nuzzle, and...for a moment, Michel might not observe the lying down happening because Ganymede is clinging pretty hard. Ha ha, how embarrassing, it isn't like he's afraid Michel is going to evaporate in his fingers and he has been dreaming this entire thing the whole time. That'd be crazy!

...Anyway. He relaxes his grip, and eventually, Michel can get him to lie down a bit, though it's like seeing a rock be laid on its side. Help. He tugs immediately on Michel's arm afterwards. ]

Well, at least you won't be far if they just...make you go to another bed, yeah. Anyway, join me properly.

[ Catch some well needed Z's, Michel. ]

I don't think you can order them...

[ Although, maybe the nurses would agree that it would be the best thing for both their recovery. Michel blinks a little at the force of Ganymede's hold and goes still again, waiting for it to ease. He doesn't fight that little tug from Ganymede pulling him down afterwards, either.

One arm around Ganymede's waist. His face turned to half-smother himself in the pillow. He doesn't know if he'll sleep — and fall once again into nightmares — or if he'll lie awake, berating himself in circles over thoughts of Uta. But either way... better this than risking leaving himself alone with his own mind. ]

Does this really count as "proper"?

[ Considering the circumstances. But he'll close his eyes to sleep, tiny protest aside. ]

If they try to get in the way, they'll be sorry.

[ Ganymede still pipes up, confident that he'll be able to deal with the nurses then, it's fine. But, with one arm securely around his waist, the blond can simply snuggle up to him properly.

...It's funny, he will take a little while to fall asleep himself. Just to make sure Michel doesn't vanish. But after a couple more hours, he can't resist sleep due to the warm and comforting feel of the other male close against him. ]

...Probably? Sweet dreams, my dear.

[ And then, he will fall asleep. ]

...Sleep well.

[ Are those the words he'd used then? He can't remember, and he knows Ganymede can't. That first time falling asleep beside him in reality, his restless and uneasy dreams...

He's so much more unsettled now than he ever had imagined then. But there's still comfort in this, that soft endearment, even autotranslated. He holds onto that thought as he wills himself to drift off to sleep. ]

.:Oh shit it's November:.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject