⬣//A BRIEF REPRIEVE

[cccorp]

>>Look at me.

⬣//BREATHE. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

This is your Official™ catch-all log for the month of November. While the boss battles rage on, those of you who are looking to disengage from combat and kick your feet up for a spell can do so here.

Post your open prompts in this post. Closed starters may also be posted here or on @Altimit, but all open posts belong here in this log. Lawbreakers will be bent over the modly knee and paddled into compliance. Thank you.

>>Navigation

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[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien seems to ponder on this a little. ]

Cubia called me Skeith. I'll be turning into a monster, so any part of me most likely probably won't remain by then.

[insinning]

...you call him Cubia too. Not Lily. [ It's not a surprise. It's just a relief. He looks up at the tree ]

I'm sorry. I wish there was another way to help you. [ The slow erosion of everything...it seemed spiteful] But I won't hold back though, when the time comes.

[selfconcept]

I only called it by Lily because no one would know who I'm talking about otherwise.

[ Hien quietly huffs. ]

... The notes in the guild were interesting. You lead well.

[ Yeah, he abused admin privileges and took a look around when nobody was around. ]

[insinning]

I'm not the leader though. That's Noir.

[Sinclair blinks but he'll take it in stride. Even though Hien is so visibly being taken over like this, he somehow feels...safe? As reliable as ever. Sinclair wont say anything]

[selfconcept]

Noir does a great job leading the members and getting things done. Mental health is important to the morale of the group... but I meant that you lead the discussions well, with the notes that you provide. Others do as well, but it's nice... seeing a community like that. I feel that whenever there's a group that's strongly tight-knit, it's always against me.

[ He no longer remembers why but still remembers the leftover feelings, so that's why seeing a group of people who are trying their best in doing good is something Hien seems to like. ]

[insinning]

[He didn't think anyone would notice]

Thank you. It feels like the only way I can help people is through writing.

[Sinclair thinks about the things he read--but, Hien had already told him. Nothing he has written will bring anything back. So he doesn't focus on that part. Hien has his books, if he wants to question those feelings. And Sinclair doesn't want to presume]

...well, we'd be supporting you instead, where we can. Even if you don't need it.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien nods in acknowledgement as he looks down at his hand. Several flower petals fall from the wisteria and magnolia tree, but they go through Hien's hand. The trees are beautiful, but only an image. ]

It's strange, feeling regretful but not being sure why I regret in the first place. I didn't get to do what I wanted to do, but whatever those are, I don't know. I don't think I'll ever find out.

It feels emptier than before.

[insinning]

...I understand. [If he thinks too much about the blank empty spaces where his memories don't fit, when he tries to think about Life in Fragment, fading like the morning mist against the harsh light of the memories he had seen through Gorre's doors]

It's...unsettling, looking back and not knowing what you're missing, or why you wanted to do things.

[selfconcept]

But I felt that... even before, I was hollow, in a way. Hollow things are meant to be filled, such as Mithrun's desire to love and be loved in return. Something to fill that void...

[ His voice trails off. Rem the pomchi yaps and continues to circle the trees. ]

[insinning]

But you did have something before. Renatus, your roommate. Ren, your real dog. [That Rem and Orion are based off, if his memories are clear] I think...that gave you something, some meaning...Cubia just took it away from you.

[His gaze follows Rem, towards the tree and his frown grows]

...why is the tree like that?

[selfconcept]

... Does the meaning still matter if they're merely words now? It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I can't remember their faces, how they felt about me... nothing. No matter how many times I read what I wrote, the feelings don't come back either.

[ ... ]

The tree is just an image. I don't want it to be bothered by anyone who comes across it.

[ He knows the curious playerbase. Wisteria and magnolia trees normally don't exist in Fragment, and would therefore, be an anomaly. ]

[insinning]

...they'll mean something, to someone, even if it's not you.

[Maybe Hien should have joined the battle and opened a few doors. The pain is something Sinclair can't forget now. But it makes him all the more aware of how lucky he is to come this far]

...it's pretty. And here I was worrying that something was wrong...

[Oh, speaking of...]

Um...Hien, I'm sorry but...could I make one more request from you?

[selfconcept]

That depends on the request.

[ Hien doesn't seem bothered by the request though, whatever it may be. ]

[insinning]

...I was wondering if I could get copies of Uta's music here, with something to play it on. I think there are some people would appreciate it now.

[He studies the tree very carefully. It is a beautiful tree, and it lends a sense of serenity this area didn't have before]

[selfconcept]

... I heard you recently opened an infirmary in the Net Slum. I'll send a jukebox to Masked Grunty at the guild for you to pick up later. Then you can place it wherever you'd like... once it's set, it's set there forever.

[ He looks back at the trees. ]

I read several books on the meaning of flowers. They have too many. All different. There's no universal standard, so the flower language is pointless because you're not saying the same thing as what the other person interprets.

[ Hien didn't mean to quietly rant, but. Ahem. Anyway. ]

I picked one out of many for the wisteria: "undying devotion". For the magnolias... "endurance" and "living a long life".

[insinning]

Thank you.

[He hadn't expected that but he appreciates it fiercely. He listens attentively to Hien's rant, tipping his head back to study the flowers. All those meanings were important, special. Sinclair has never been inclined to flowers himself, but he appreciates the meaning behind each and every one]

...did you place them here for someone?

[selfconcept]

For someone that I love.

[ Though he doesn't sound really happy about it. Understandable, since Hien's situation is erasing himself bit by bit. It's also the reason why he didn't want these trees disturbed. ]

[insinning]

[ Sinclair blinks, and looks up at the tree]

It seems like you're saying goodbye to them.

[selfconcept]

... I want him to live a good, long life, even if it's without me.

[ His voice gets smaller and smaller. ]

I have a feeling that he didn't really like the wisteria for some reason.

[insinning]

[... His voice is just as soft when he responds]

No matter how you look at it, that's a goodbye, isn't it?

[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien didn't want to admit it, but when asked so directly— ]

It is. I've forgotten a lot of things, but my memories with him keep staying strong. Or maybe I had a lot and I only remember the key events now. I don't know.

[insinning]

[ ... ]

I think they both end up the same way, don't they? He's that important.

[selfconcept]

Mm. He's important to me as who he is as a person.

[ Hien looks up. ]

I... wanted to be with him longer.

[insinning]

[Sinclair nods. He understands that feeling, for some reason...why? What was missing? All he knew is he had a strange sense that his life or Oria's could be very short and...]

You really don't believe you can come back, do you?

[He gestures at Hien's halo]

[selfconcept]

At least, not "me". Whatever is left of "me" after the monster is defeated... maybe that version will live on. But "me" as in "myself"... the person that's talking to you now, will definitely die soon.

[ Maybe he's a dead man walking. ]

Your friends seem hopeful that they'll bring me back after the battle.