⬣//A BRIEF REPRIEVE

[cccorp]

>>Look at me.

⬣//BREATHE. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

This is your Official™ catch-all log for the month of November. While the boss battles rage on, those of you who are looking to disengage from combat and kick your feet up for a spell can do so here.

Post your open prompts in this post. Closed starters may also be posted here or on @Altimit, but all open posts belong here in this log. Lawbreakers will be bent over the modly knee and paddled into compliance. Thank you.

>>Navigation

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[insinning]

...I understand. [If he thinks too much about the blank empty spaces where his memories don't fit, when he tries to think about Life in Fragment, fading like the morning mist against the harsh light of the memories he had seen through Gorre's doors]

It's...unsettling, looking back and not knowing what you're missing, or why you wanted to do things.

[selfconcept]

But I felt that... even before, I was hollow, in a way. Hollow things are meant to be filled, such as Mithrun's desire to love and be loved in return. Something to fill that void...

[ His voice trails off. Rem the pomchi yaps and continues to circle the trees. ]

[insinning]

But you did have something before. Renatus, your roommate. Ren, your real dog. [That Rem and Orion are based off, if his memories are clear] I think...that gave you something, some meaning...Cubia just took it away from you.

[His gaze follows Rem, towards the tree and his frown grows]

...why is the tree like that?

[selfconcept]

... Does the meaning still matter if they're merely words now? It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I can't remember their faces, how they felt about me... nothing. No matter how many times I read what I wrote, the feelings don't come back either.

[ ... ]

The tree is just an image. I don't want it to be bothered by anyone who comes across it.

[ He knows the curious playerbase. Wisteria and magnolia trees normally don't exist in Fragment, and would therefore, be an anomaly. ]

[insinning]

...they'll mean something, to someone, even if it's not you.

[Maybe Hien should have joined the battle and opened a few doors. The pain is something Sinclair can't forget now. But it makes him all the more aware of how lucky he is to come this far]

...it's pretty. And here I was worrying that something was wrong...

[Oh, speaking of...]

Um...Hien, I'm sorry but...could I make one more request from you?

[selfconcept]

That depends on the request.

[ Hien doesn't seem bothered by the request though, whatever it may be. ]

[insinning]

...I was wondering if I could get copies of Uta's music here, with something to play it on. I think there are some people would appreciate it now.

[He studies the tree very carefully. It is a beautiful tree, and it lends a sense of serenity this area didn't have before]

[selfconcept]

... I heard you recently opened an infirmary in the Net Slum. I'll send a jukebox to Masked Grunty at the guild for you to pick up later. Then you can place it wherever you'd like... once it's set, it's set there forever.

[ He looks back at the trees. ]

I read several books on the meaning of flowers. They have too many. All different. There's no universal standard, so the flower language is pointless because you're not saying the same thing as what the other person interprets.

[ Hien didn't mean to quietly rant, but. Ahem. Anyway. ]

I picked one out of many for the wisteria: "undying devotion". For the magnolias... "endurance" and "living a long life".

[insinning]

Thank you.

[He hadn't expected that but he appreciates it fiercely. He listens attentively to Hien's rant, tipping his head back to study the flowers. All those meanings were important, special. Sinclair has never been inclined to flowers himself, but he appreciates the meaning behind each and every one]

...did you place them here for someone?

[selfconcept]

For someone that I love.

[ Though he doesn't sound really happy about it. Understandable, since Hien's situation is erasing himself bit by bit. It's also the reason why he didn't want these trees disturbed. ]

[insinning]

[ Sinclair blinks, and looks up at the tree]

It seems like you're saying goodbye to them.

[selfconcept]

... I want him to live a good, long life, even if it's without me.

[ His voice gets smaller and smaller. ]

I have a feeling that he didn't really like the wisteria for some reason.

[insinning]

[... His voice is just as soft when he responds]

No matter how you look at it, that's a goodbye, isn't it?

[selfconcept]

[ ...

Hien didn't want to admit it, but when asked so directly— ]

It is. I've forgotten a lot of things, but my memories with him keep staying strong. Or maybe I had a lot and I only remember the key events now. I don't know.

[insinning]

[ ... ]

I think they both end up the same way, don't they? He's that important.

[selfconcept]

Mm. He's important to me as who he is as a person.

[ Hien looks up. ]

I... wanted to be with him longer.

[insinning]

[Sinclair nods. He understands that feeling, for some reason...why? What was missing? All he knew is he had a strange sense that his life or Oria's could be very short and...]

You really don't believe you can come back, do you?

[He gestures at Hien's halo]

[selfconcept]

At least, not "me". Whatever is left of "me" after the monster is defeated... maybe that version will live on. But "me" as in "myself"... the person that's talking to you now, will definitely die soon.

[ Maybe he's a dead man walking. ]

Your friends seem hopeful that they'll bring me back after the battle.

[insinning]

Yeah, they are. Personally, I don't know if I should be hopeful or realistic. But...do you consider yourself a completely different person from the one who wrote those books?

[Hien had a roommate. A devoted roommate, it looked like. His real life body was likely alive. But, what Hien meant was probably something different]

[selfconcept]

It's of my belief that once you lose the memories that shape you into who you are today, you are no longer that same person.

details about roommate

[ In the logs, Hien wrote about Renatus: an eccentric researcher into neurology, who begged NoName to stay in the house with him and dragged him back every time NoName escaped. The man, several years older than he was, was painfully lonely. Their relationship was purely platonic, Sinclair would have found, as the roommate, Renatus, never sought out romantic love and was content to have Hien just the way he was, despite his antisocial personality. They were good friends. Renatus even dragged NoName on various roadtrips throughout America. In one of the jazz bars, he notes that he's seen Owen before. His singing was really pretty, but it also gave him aggression because he couldn't bare to see himself happy. It was a very strange thought process for NoName...

Nevertheless, his roommate would definitely keep NoName alive and have him in great care. He also works in CC Corp, so he definitely must have found out. Hien carried out his job and continued for the sake of his roommate, who loved his job and the research that went into it. Renatus was the one who helped him relax again for the first time in years. He learned to accept people, even if it was an arduous process. NoName owed him a lot. ]

[insinning]

I see. I wonder if that counts for me too.

[Is he a different person? He...can't see himself as Vogel, for some reason. The name he continues to respond best to remains 'Emil'.]

...I hope that once we defeat Skeith, both Hiens will return. [If Hien's body was alive, then the current conclusion they could draw was that anyone whose body was alive would come back with everything Fragment had taken away] The one who wrote the books and the one I'm talking to now. Or would that make a completely new person?

[selfconcept]

I think I would be a new person by then. How many "Hiens" will there be...? A new name is probably in order.

[ Corbenik probably would have liked Hien's name and identity nonsense. ]

[insinning]

Aren't you just making it complicated for yourself?

[Three Hiens, all technically the same person, but feeling like they're different anyway...meanwhile he still feels like he's 'Emil' no matter what]

But what name would you choose if you needed to start over?

[selfconcept]

[ Hien shrugs. ]

Whatever happens after isn't my problem.

[ He will saddle the responsibilities to someone else, whether they like it or not. ]

[insinning]

Seems like it...I'd miss 'Hien' either way though.

[Sinclair trying to work through this. Aahh his head hurts]

That said, Tabibito and Tylor wanted to invite you over for dinner.

[Since they're all finally mostly in one piece]