Beelzebub (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gluttoning) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
altimit2023-10-29 12:29 pm
gluttoning) wrote in altimit2023-10-29 12:29 pm
10/29 --- Δ Haggard Traveler’s Reprieve?????
Who: ??? & you!
What: Something's starting...
Where: Δ Haggard Traveler’s Reprieve (Twilight Shoreline)
When: Sunday, 10/29
Warnings: Will be added as needed.
( Perhaps intrigued by the mail allegedly sent by CC Corp, perhaps visiting the Shoreline by chance, gating into the Area goes as it always does, until the music stays cut for longer than it should, and the black, liminal transition screen lingers for a little too long. The seconds tick on. They near turn to minutes. You can't struggle, you can't argue— you can only simply be, and it occurs to you that maybe you'll be trapped midway here, conscious, for maybe forever.
And then you hear static. Your vision warps; pixels strain into words, blurred and unstable. You see them combat for your attention; you see— )
( And then you load in. )
( POST NAVIGATION )
( Sign-in Comment (Mandatory) • How to Play • Mechanics
Phase 1 • Round 1 • Round 2 • Round 3 • Round 4 • Round 5 • Round 6
Phase 2 • Round 7 • Round 8 • Round 9 • Round 10 •
Round 11 • Round 12
Epilogue )
What: Something's starting...
Where: Δ Haggard Traveler’s Reprieve (Twilight Shoreline)
When: Sunday, 10/29
Warnings: Will be added as needed.
( Perhaps intrigued by the mail allegedly sent by CC Corp, perhaps visiting the Shoreline by chance, gating into the Area goes as it always does, until the music stays cut for longer than it should, and the black, liminal transition screen lingers for a little too long. The seconds tick on. They near turn to minutes. You can't struggle, you can't argue— you can only simply be, and it occurs to you that maybe you'll be trapped midway here, conscious, for maybe forever.
And then you hear static. Your vision warps; pixels strain into words, blurred and unstable. You see them combat for your attention; you see— )
( And then you load in. )
( POST NAVIGATION )
( Sign-in Comment (Mandatory) • How to Play • Mechanics
Phase 1 • Round 1 • Round 2 • Round 3 • Round 4 • Round 5 • Round 6
Phase 2 • Round 7 • Round 8 • Round 9 • Round 10 •
Round 11 • Round 12
Epilogue )
no subject
He is. so fucking angry about so many things right now and that's not going to go away for a long, long time, but there is one thing that Tarvos and Macha were right about that Mithrun is never going to admit with that framing if he can ever help it in this lifetime, and that's that sometimes anger comes from a place of love.
He's going to kill Barrett. But maybe that's a shorthand for a lot of other feelings he doesn't have a name for; the feeling now that fills him and does not drain from the sieve he always believed himself to be. It is not a feeling he has ever known the name of— not in this way. But maybe now he would have time to learn.
He is silent for a steely moment, trying to find the words in him; trying, as always, to find the right one. In the end, he can find only one: )
... Barrett.
no subject
It makes his chest clench a little, when Morgan breaks the distance. But the relief in Barrett's face blooms immediately, overpowering the guilt and the sheepishness and the inherent, knee-jerk feeling to apologize.
Right now, is relief. Right now, he looks at Morgan where there had been no Morgan once again, and the relief always feels so vibrant, and his smile stretches so wide in tired movements, eyes soft.]
...Morgan.
I'm so happy you're okay... I'm so happy.
no subject
He doesn't know what the right words are. All he has, as ever, are words that come from the heart. )
... I can't fucking believe you.
( Dragged close enough, he swipes at the front of Barrett's tank top, balling it in his fist and jerking Barrett even closer. It's no longer trembling with fury, but, oh, he doesn't know what to do with all this feeling, he doesn't know how to feel when he sees Barrett intact and safe despite everything.
It's messy. It's incoherent. And it spirals around the same, stupid ideas— that he's just glad Barrett's okay, too. But fuck!!!!!! )
I can't believe I let it get this bad— Do you know how much danger you put yourself in for absolutely no reason? You hear a sob story from something masked as a kid and you value yourself so little you're willing to risk yourself to trust it? And now look at all this— That we're alive is some kind of oversight and I know it because there's no reason we should even still be here, and I should've hunted you down every time you ran away instead of just leaving you alone to listen to his bullshit—
no subject
Don't blame yourself. Don't. You wouldn't let me do something like that if it wasn't actually my fault.
I'm just happy you're alive.
no subject
Shut up. It's not your fault. It is your fucking fault, ( CONTRADICTORY IN THREE WAYS? LOOK SHUT UP HE'S MAD ) but Cubia knew where you were sore and ripped at your seams. He manipulated you. And you don't ask for help when you need it. That's the part that's on you! And I didn't push hard enough because I was so fixated on how much you didn't tell me things and didn't think objectively about the situation at hand—
( maybe EVERYONE FAILED EACH OTHER IN THIS SITUATION AND HE NEEDS TO KILL ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's breathing hard. He's losing some steam; not because he's out of anger (absolutely not), but because he's physically exhausted from being pummeled for
three days straighthowever long all this took. )—You better be glad you didn't die, because dead or not I would've shown up to drag you back to the rest of us. I'm not letting you off easy for this.
no subject
You're right. He did. And you're right that I don't do a lot of things I should.
But it's still not your fault. You're not here to fix my problems for me. You know that, right?
[His fingers stay gentle, pressing the palm a little more intentionally as his gaze drifts to the side for a moment, as if collecting himself. A moment to breath, for both of them.]
...
I must have scared you a lot with how I was acting, didn't I?
Even if I thought I was doing the right thing, I kept putting your feelings in the wrong place. I ran away from you. I wasn't honest.
I'm so sorry, Morgan.
no subject
...
He bites his lip, so he doesn't— forget himself, in all the feelings brewing in him. They've both had enough of forgetting themselves.
Though still stern, his voice comes quieter and unserrated, this time. )
... I missed you.
( His grip weakens, but he doesn't fully let go, as if in superstitious fear that Barrett might slip off in Cubia's grasp again if he does.
Scared? Maybe he was. )
You don't know how many times it felt like I lost you. This time could've been for good.
no subject
...I know. I remember.
I missed you, too. I wondered a lot, if... I'd have to see you die again. [A wound reopened, fresh and raw... but not the point of this conversation.] But I think I got so scared, and so guilty... I said I wanted to protect you but I just kept leaving you behind.
[Thinking he was providing safety and security, when all he was causing was distress and anger, tearing trust apart. Well intentions did not matter when they tore apart in their wake.
One of his hands carefully reaches out to Morgan's face, wincing slightly at how he has to twist his body. His leg is back in a cast that hadn't been there before, immobile with pain that shoots immediately. But he lets it pass.]
I won't ask you to forgive me, Morgan. You deserve to be angry.
I just want you to know I'm here. You're here. And I'll say it as much as I have to.
I'm so, so happy that you're alive with me.
no subject
He turns his gaze back up to him, and gently he lays his hand over Barrett's at his face.
He remembers how helpless he'd felt, how desperate; and it sounds like Barrett had felt in someway similar, too. Talking to Lily alone and lending him ear was a stupid idea, and Mithrun knew it, but he— Lily was taking Barrett far away. What else could he do but pursue?
He shouldn't have let it happen. If Barrett refuses to let Mithrun take blame for him, then Mithrun can at least take responsibility for himself. He just... didn't know what else to do. Just like with the professor.
His fingers curl around the back of Barrett's hand. )
... Don't go anywhere.
( He's not gentle enough to say he's happy Barrett's alive and still with him, too, even though he is; he's not desperate enough to plead that Barrett stay with him, like he had been.
He wants to be with Barrett. And if Barrett wants to be with him, too, then he will be. He's not letting anything overcomplicate this for them. )
When we get out, we're going to see that movie. I'll learn how to make you your favorite burger. And we're going to figure out where to go next. Because I want to see a future with you.
Is that fine?
no subject
It's so strange, after all this time. To hear him say it so frankly, that he wants something. That he actually wants something.
It hits a little harder than anything else, leaving him silent and softened, his touch against face and that fisted palm against his collar both cupping him closer - against the line of his jaw, pressing that fist down against the beat of his chest, where his heart ticks in slightly rapid time.]
...I'm here, Morgan. I'm here.
[He can't promise he'll stay forever. He can barely promise to tomorrow. But...]
...Would you let me take you to beaches and restaurants? To see the stars and taste everything that's good in the world?
I think... I'd like that. I think a future like that...
I'd want something delicious to share with you, too.
no subject
... Yeah. I'd like that. I'll try the things you like, and... I'll learn the things I like, so you can taste them, too. I'm... going to try to stay.
( Alive. Not one foot out the door, on his way to revenge; he will kill Cubia, and he's undecided on the professor, but... Even if he's not sure if he wants to live, he understands now that these things he wants, however agonizing it is to want, make him... happier, than the relief he feels imagining himself empty and gone.
He spreads his fingers out against Barrett, beat and pulse meeting, from chest to palm. )
... Your heart's beating fast.
( hehe )
no subject
It feels like something so heavy has suddenly been removed from his chest. And it feels unfair, to have this sort of release, when he knows Morgan's still so angry with him. But he's never been good at keeping his feelings off his sleeve when it came out strong, and now is no different, face colored and smile soft and eyes staying on him, only him for the moment, affectionate and so grateful.]
Is it? [He gives a tired chuckle that rumbles the space under their hands.]
I don't mind. It doesn't feel bad.
...How are your legs? Are you in pain at all?
no subject
He still wants to kill Lily— no, Cubia. He still wants to brutalize Cubia in unspeakable ways. But, right now... Right now, he can keep from looking toward the person he wants to kill, and look toward the person he's with.
He pauses, when asked about his physical state. Good question! )
... I can't really feel them. Not pins and needles. It's just like they're not there. Moving them feels like I have a bad signal.
( But he can, sort of, if badly and weakly. He's not worried about it, which isn't necessarily a good sign because he never worries about his physical state, but he does think he can brute force them into working if he keeps at it. )
... How about yours?
( The cast... )
no subject
Maybe it's like, muscle waste or something? You weren't using them for a while... but if you can move them, that means you're not paralyzed. Maybe we can get them working again.
[It feels strange to have that information suddenly on hand again, of all the experience with his time in the gym and his intense focus on keeping his own body in shape. It feels certain in a way it might not have only days ago.]
...It feels about as bad as I remember from before. [A weak chuckle, attempting to shift his upper body weight with his hands, not unlike how Macha had to exist the week prior.] At least I'm not still in that hospital bed, though.
no subject
( He says, agreeing. Revenge motivated him out of immobility once; it can do it again. (And maybe the homies. Maybe.)
As for Barrett... He purses his lips. He's still pissed off about Barrett's leg snapping. But, with the Waves... it's particularly dangerous. )
... Maybe I can make you something to help you get around if I max out my professions. ( He would've already been maxed if not for Cubia hospitalizing him once and then Phasing him another time. He's definitely peeved about it. ) If it hurts... There might be some mixture of ingredients that can act as painkillers.
( ...
He lets his hands fall from Barrett, and pulls himself closer to him. Almost a lean. His stern expression has returned with some grimness, but he's not spilling fury the way he was before. )
We'll figure it out.
no subject
[His voice falls quiet as he meets that stern look with one that still brims, albeit much lighter, with an exhausted adoration. It really is nice to have Morgan back.
But he lets his smile drop to something a little more neutral, pushing his weight against one wrist so he can drop the other to the crook of Morgan's neck.]
Don't push yourself too much.
I don't think I'm going anywhere for a while. But... maybe it's better, if I don't. I won't like it very much. But I remember a lot of the words people tried to say to me. How much you all cared.
That I'm loved for what I am, not what I will be. So maybe... it's okay. If I'm not the strong one right now.
[It feels like it cracks something, deep within him, to want to commit to an idea like that. But when one has no other options, acceptance is the only way to move forward... and he's so tired of the downward spiral.]
I won't expect it from you, either. Okay? I know whatever you do, you'll do with everything you have.
Just... don't burn out on me.
no subject
He looks up at Barrett as he speaks, his attention taken from his anxious thoughts of Cubia coming for Barrett; for Barrett's safety; for— becoming a tool in a greater machine meant to harm the people he was just starting to recognize he loved. And he gazes at Barrett, eyes fixed, listening, as Barrett says the things that maybe Mithrun couldn't really express in the right words, but wanted Barrett to understand, all the same.
He still has that fluffy scarf on him, even if he's not wearing it now (great for photos, not so great for moving your head, or visibility). In the space between Barrett's lips coming closed and Mithrun's first impulse, encouraged in part by Barrett's affection and the warmth at his neck, he whips the scarf around the back of Barrett's head a little like a lasso suddenly, and takes the other end with his other hand. He pulls Barrett down, and presses in for a kiss; not lingering, not long, more a statement than glib affection, hidden behind the mass wall of his scarf. )
... I'll always come back to you. So rest and recover, so we can go out to eat when I come back with good news.
1/2
It catches him off guard at first, how fast Morgan moves to trap him and pull him down. A syllable of confusion is barely echoing in his throat before their lips are together.]
/2
I'd like that.
...I wish I could be there to help you. Or... to tell you to stay. [It's selfish, and from how he can't meet Morgan's eyes, he is very aware of how selfish that desire is.] But I know this is something you need to do. For closure, and for everybody else. So...
[Both hands slip to rest up against either side of Morgan's jawline - a bare touch, cherishing.]
I want to make sure you have what you need. Whatever it is I can do to help... I'll do it.
no subject
Unrequited love, in some way, is pretty easy. There's not so much you can do about a failure to connect but lament. Making things work, learning to understand a language not your own and forming a pidgin between the two of you— that's a lot harder. )
... Okay. I'll tell you what I need. So... talk to me.
( What he'd asked of Barrett when all of everything with Cubia was getting worse, but also— what he'd told Barrett at the hospital. There are things he can and will ask of Barrett to better brace the both of them for the coming danger, but— what does Mithrun need, besides the things necessary to survive? Not very much. Not much at all.
He just likes talking to him. He missed that. )
... I'm not leaving you alone, though. ( Legs aside, there's— ) Especially not if there's a chance Cubia might approach you again. I'm not letting him harass you.
no subject
[He's missed it. Just talking, without his own lies or Morgan's anger or Cubia's meddling getting in the way. It's almost shameful, the way he feels that any of those had really put a stop to it.
He pauses considerably, a hand moving to tighten again his own shirt. Seeing the teleport still in his menu. Seeing the key item that still floats as a part of him, still immovable.]
If Lil... Cubia does something, he won't let any of us stop it. Even if you're right there. But if it does happen, we'll figure it out. Together this time.
I don't want to let him hurt us. But... I don't want to see you hurt yourself worrying about me, either.
...
Can we take it one day at a time, Morgan?
no subject
He pauses. He hadn't realized he'd been so worried, all this time. He'd felt it, but he'd never stepped back and put it into words. He'd never put himself on pause like this, not even with Niamh. But ever since Barrett's leg snapped, or maybe since some timebefore, he's... not known what to do, about Barrett; about caring for another person so, so much. )
... One day at a time...
( He repeats it, his voice a murmur, like he's trying to parse it. It's hard, not to think about tonight, tomorrow, next week; that whatever would happen to Barrett and the people they know would happen, no matter what; that they could not stop it, no matter it might hurt or alter them. No matter how much it might break Barrett.
But right now they're okay, in that piecewise view. Right now they came back from something they had no right to come back from, and Barrett is here, and talking to him, and wants to work things out with him.
In that piecewise view, maybe that's enough.
Finally, he nods. )
... I'm not... letting go of you again. I won't accept it. I won't allow it. But, for right now...
( In that piecewise view, a day at a time... )
... You should rest. I'll stay with you. ( A double nap together, though he finds it hard to understand he himself is tired, too. ) And then... I want to have a meal with you.
( And this is a desire he knows of; this is a desire he speaks with clear understanding, when it leaves his lips. )
no subject
[His hand lifts briefly, if only to put his fingers very gently against that point of tension in Mithrun's brow. A silent acknowledgement of here, here's where I see it.]
I'll ask Dehya to help me home. Take all the time you need. See if Memoir or one of the others can help you when you're ready to go.
[Still, something settles just a bit askew, just enough that he can't leave it unspoken, fingers tracing down to Morgan's lips.]
I won't float away, Morgan. Don't be afraid. You can hold on without gluing us both to the ground, okay?
I'll be here for you.