Who ⚔ Yael & assorted nerds What ⚔ A dungeon run and other things When ⚔ After the party Where ⚔ Errywhere Content Warnings ⚔ Men with their tits out? Alcohol??? No correlation there surprisingly. nsfw i'm sorry mom
[...What is this? Pity? Yael visibly stiffens when Fai's hand comes to rest atop his head. He doesn't want this. Doesn't need this. Don't pity me. Don't treat me like some pathetic bastard. Still, he...]
...It was that Daniel guy. What more do you want me to say?
[It wasn't, but Yael is convinced there isn't a right move. He is as undeserving of comfort as he is of pity, still feeling the effects of that nasty drink when his control slips enough to leave him glaring at Fai.]
The bastard pissed me off. What else? He was begging for it— begging to be killed, and he knew I wouldn't think twice. That's what he wanted and he got it.
[But that doesn't sound like Yael, does it? No, that's much too unkind. Even so, it's Yael who spoke those words. No one else.]
[Fai will back down and back off with enough incentive, Yael thinks. A mean glare and meaner words— Yael knows how intimidating his anger is, and for Fai's own sake, he aims it at him to push him away. It's better this way. Less of a headache for Fai in the longrun.]
None of your damn business. I told you everything you need to know, now scram.
[ Unfortunately for Yael, having anger directed at him does nothing. Squaring his shoulders, Fai fixes Yael with a glare of his own. The look in his eyes is sharp, his mouth set in a frown. ]
Really? You let me call you by your old name and that’s how you’re going to treat me?
[That's more like it. That's the Fai he knows, the Fai he's hopelessly infatuated with, strong as he is obnoxious. Yael can't be tamed by anything less, but not entirely convinced that Fai is better off sticking around, Yael doesn't yet back down.]
Yeah? So what, Fai? What are you going to do about it?
[A little more, a little more. Give up and go. You're better off with someone who can take care of you.]
[ Letting out a sigh, he shakes his head. This is that push and pull that he knows Yael loves, but there’s something different about it, something raw. While he isn’t sure if he should try tapping into it, he can’t help himself. ]
[The shove on its own doesn't accomplish much. If it weren't for the fact that he's sitting, Yael wouldn't have toppled back so easily, but even so? He doesn't go down alone.
Fai moves to shove him and Yael twists his fist into Fai's robes, taking him down right along with him and reversing their positions to cage him beneath him on the mattress. He's all bark, whittled down to nothing more than the glinting of canines after what he did to Fandaniel. There's no fight left in him, only the fumes of a flame gone out.]
And then that? You really think you stand any chance against me? I could slit your neck just as easily as his. I've done it countless times.
[ This was expected, honestly. He knew one way or another, he’d be caged by Yael. It was obvious in his aggressive behavior, the way he practically bristled when Fai touched him earlier.
Maybe the details should shock him, or scare him. But all he does is remain as still as water underneath Yael’s fire, regarding him carefully. ]
You could, but you wouldn’t.
[ The look he gives Yael is cutting, goading even.
[Fai seems perfectly unsurprised by that little revelation. Perhaps he expected this from Yael... but if that were the case, why isn't he disgusted? Why isn't he resigned to writing him off as some kind of monster?
That takes much of the wind out of Yael's sails, but he hasn't been undone just yet. Staring him down, he has one last question to ask the man who very well may be as damaged and undone as himself. One very important question.]
[Damn it. God damn it. Why would Fai trust a man like him? There's no reason for it, not when Yael has given him every reason in the world to distrust him and throw him aside. Yael is used to that, comfortable in that specific brand of misery, and yet he can't comfortably languish in it. Not this time.]
...You'll change your mind.
[It's a small, quiet thing, that little piece of Yael that fears he'll be forgotten and cast aside. That little thing is Yael's last line of defense against Fai, the last thread holding him together. His life would be a hell of a lot simpler if Fai would cut the cord and go. Yael bites his bottom lip to keep its slight tremble hidden away.]
[ That quietness says more than Yael’s own words. His fiancée had changed her mind, hadn’t she? He thinks so, at least in some way. In that sense, Fai can’t blame him for feeling this way, for trying to push Fai away so hard that he feels anger rising up in his chest.
Anger is unusual for him, and he wonders if that means he’s too far gone. ]
Don’t make those decisions for me, Sheza.
[ His voice is stern, scolding. But there’s a sort of comfort in his words too, in the defiance of it all. ]
[The final peg topples, everything supported by it tumbling down, down, down.
He can't do this anymore. He's too angry, too upset, and making this Fai's problem won't alleviate any of that. Yael is still for a moment, silently staring down at Fai, before he sits up and sits back, banishing himself to the edge of the mattress. Hunched over like this, Yael's imposing frame looks so much smaller.]
Sorry. That was uncalled for... All of it.
[He draws in a breath, long and slow, staring down at the open palms in his lap before they close, nails digging crescents into the flesh.]
I tried whatever drink he'd made for his guild. It brought up some unpleasant memories. Took me back to a place and time I never wanted to go.
[ Fai sits up, looking at Yael’s back, his gaze traveling down to watch as his hands open and close.
He doesn’t say that it’s okay, or that he forgives Yael for it. Forgiveness is easy enough for Fai, but Yael still has to earn it. Things like this… he doesn’t just let it go. ]
I see.
[ That’s all Fai says for a little while, because there really isn’t much else for him to say. It’s an explanation, at least, and he can be thankful for it. ]
I knew what I was getting into when you told me you’re in the military. I’m not naive.
[So Fai expected this from him. It doesn't sting as badly as it should, not when he knows Fai truly does understand, having been left behind before for his own hefty baggage. Still... it leaves Yael feeling uncomfortably raw, exhaling his anxieties through a sigh and perching his chin on his palm.]
Let me guess: you'll get mad if I log out right now.
[Because he desperately wants to. He feels like he's been whittled away to nothing but raw nerves and it's only through sheer luck that Fai's avoided touching them.]
[He feels his pulse spike under the press of Fai's nails. Then let's talk in person. Fai really can't stand to let this go, can he? He's allowing him to log out, but he isn't being reasonable at all.
They've been avoiding this for weeks, dancing right around the issue. It's about time they stopped playing chicken like schoolchildren. Quietly, in a voice perfectly flat:]
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...It was that Daniel guy. What more do you want me to say?
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The whole story. What am I supposed to do if all you tell me is vague bits and pieces?
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The bastard pissed me off. What else? He was begging for it— begging to be killed, and he knew I wouldn't think twice. That's what he wanted and he got it.
[But that doesn't sound like Yael, does it? No, that's much too unkind. Even so, it's Yael who spoke those words. No one else.]
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Sheza… what did he do?
[ What could he have possibly done to make Yael this angry? ]
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None of your damn business. I told you everything you need to know, now scram.
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Really? You let me call you by your old name and that’s how you’re going to treat me?
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Yeah? So what, Fai? What are you going to do about it?
[A little more, a little more. Give up and go. You're better off with someone who can take care of you.]
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Shove sense into you.
[ He steps forward and gives Yael a hard shove. ]
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Fai moves to shove him and Yael twists his fist into Fai's robes, taking him down right along with him and reversing their positions to cage him beneath him on the mattress. He's all bark, whittled down to nothing more than the glinting of canines after what he did to Fandaniel. There's no fight left in him, only the fumes of a flame gone out.]
And then that? You really think you stand any chance against me? I could slit your neck just as easily as his. I've done it countless times.
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Maybe the details should shock him, or scare him. But all he does is remain as still as water underneath Yael’s fire, regarding him carefully. ]
You could, but you wouldn’t.
[ The look he gives Yael is cutting, goading even.
I dare you to even try. ]
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That takes much of the wind out of Yael's sails, but he hasn't been undone just yet. Staring him down, he has one last question to ask the man who very well may be as damaged and undone as himself. One very important question.]
What makes you so sure?
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[ It’s honestly as simple as that. His trust is hard to gain and easy to waver, but he isn’t afraid, not in the least.
And for Fai, he knows exactly what that means. ]
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...You'll change your mind.
[It's a small, quiet thing, that little piece of Yael that fears he'll be forgotten and cast aside. That little thing is Yael's last line of defense against Fai, the last thread holding him together. His life would be a hell of a lot simpler if Fai would cut the cord and go. Yael bites his bottom lip to keep its slight tremble hidden away.]
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Anger is unusual for him, and he wonders if that means he’s too far gone. ]
Don’t make those decisions for me, Sheza.
[ His voice is stern, scolding. But there’s a sort of comfort in his words too, in the defiance of it all. ]
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He can't do this anymore. He's too angry, too upset, and making this Fai's problem won't alleviate any of that. Yael is still for a moment, silently staring down at Fai, before he sits up and sits back, banishing himself to the edge of the mattress. Hunched over like this, Yael's imposing frame looks so much smaller.]
Sorry. That was uncalled for... All of it.
[He draws in a breath, long and slow, staring down at the open palms in his lap before they close, nails digging crescents into the flesh.]
I tried whatever drink he'd made for his guild. It brought up some unpleasant memories. Took me back to a place and time I never wanted to go.
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He doesn’t say that it’s okay, or that he forgives Yael for it. Forgiveness is easy enough for Fai, but Yael still has to earn it. Things like this… he doesn’t just let it go. ]
I see.
[ That’s all Fai says for a little while, because there really isn’t much else for him to say. It’s an explanation, at least, and he can be thankful for it. ]
I knew what I was getting into when you told me you’re in the military. I’m not naive.
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Let me guess: you'll get mad if I log out right now.
[Because he desperately wants to. He feels like he's been whittled away to nothing but raw nerves and it's only through sheer luck that Fai's avoided touching them.]
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[ He shifts around so that he can grab onto Yael's wrist. It won't keep him from logging out, but maybe it'll be some kind of deterrent. ]
I want to talk about it.
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[His fingers flex when Fai takes his wrist, a sigh whistling past his lips. He knows Fai doesn't want him to log off. He knows that, but—]
I need to get away from this damn game while I'm still under the effects of that drink. It's not personal.
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Then let's talk in person.
[ It's something they've been avoiding talking about directly, something they've been dancing around for several weeks now.
Might as well fix that, right? ]
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They've been avoiding this for weeks, dancing right around the issue. It's about time they stopped playing chicken like schoolchildren. Quietly, in a voice perfectly flat:]
...I'll text you.
[Yael capitulates.]
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[ He laughs softly, sitting back to give Yael some space. ]
Then I guess I'll see you later.
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[Right. Time to log off, take a shower, and get Fai's address. No biggie. It's fine. Everything is fine................
And just like that, Yael logs out. Fifteen minutes later, he sends Fai a simple text: Address?]