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(Catch all) Ominous October Threads
Who: Sinclair and You.
What: Dungeon runs, trauma bonding etc
When: All throughout October.
Warnings: Gore, Emeto, Psychological horror in one thread, NSFW stuff in another
What: Dungeon runs, trauma bonding etc
When: All throughout October.
Warnings: Gore, Emeto, Psychological horror in one thread, NSFW stuff in another
“I see now that the path I choose through the maze makes me what I am. I am not only a thing, but also a way of being—one of many ways—and knowing the paths I have followed and the ones left to take will help me understand what I am becoming.”
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... )
... Was it Kromer?
( For Sinclair, she was the best one at keeping him off-kilter. )
... A memory of the past.
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...it wasn't just a memory. The dungeon...had warped according to my feelings. The more scared I was, the more powerful the monsters became. The more angry I was, the easier it was to carve through them like butter.
[His voice is a little faint, wavering on this note:]
In that dungeon, I killed my sister. She was trying to protect me, Michel...but I didn't think she'd be in my way. I cut through her, and the enemy...
[He still remembers that feeling, the way his halberd cleaved through the bodies with terrifying ease, the corpses falling to the floor, guts and viscera mingling...
He presses a hand to his mouth, shaking]
It wasn't real. But I still--
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Cubia.
Sinclair had just spoke of the dangers of vengeance, of anger - but how could he abide by it when it mean Cubia frolicked free?
(And yet, how strange it feels to be so angry for another person. He had been - frustrated for Sinclair, eventually, when the topic of Kromer came up, but now... It seems he's grown just a little bit after all that, to comprehend a little bit of empathy. Just some.)
He sets a hand to his neck, halfway across the scruff and back. )
Stop.
( But, as Michel had pointed out... As Mithrun had noticed, too - was he that much better?
He had, after all, used Kromer to hurt Sinclair, too. )
You're in the garden. Sinclair. Zelkova's, in the Moon Tree's @ home.
( He rubs the back of his neck, half-gripping it with his motions. A somewhat aggressive rub, but a grounding touch all the same. )
... I shouldn't have made you retell it.
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...okay. Okay. [He repeats it again, and finally his fingers uncurl from his book.]
Michel got injured protecting me around then. And that's when I knew what I had done was wrong.
[A small smile, sad and faint. He hasn't quite let go; but he's made the resolution to not chase revenge blindly either]
...I wont forgive her. But, I can't throw everything away for revenge. It'll destroy everyone around me first.
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He lets his hand fall, and it rests on the bench for a time. )
... Sorry. For the things I said last time we were at the training ground... with me as myself.
( The whole Kromer bodysnatching thing, )
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He looks at Mithrun in surprise, a strange tangle of feelings tugging in him. But his expression softens, and he nods, reaching out to touch Mithrun's hand. Is this where he says 'thank you'? No one has ever apologised to him for something like this before, maybe because he's always accepted it. It's an odd feeling to know he actually wanted to hear it, to know he was more than just a tool for Mithrun's revenge]
...I forgave you awhile back...but thank you all the same. [It seems so long ago now, but it's been a mere few weeks]
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... You don't have to forgive me.
( He didn't think he'd get forgiveness. He had expected the conversation to be awkward, not graceful. He doesn't know if this means Sinclair's grown, or... if maybe he was always this way.
He might've been. His heart always was more tender.
Mithrun squeezes his hand, gentle. If Sinclair will forgive him, he'll accept it. )
... But I thought I should say something. You left me that note.
( The one at the back of the book Sinclair had given him.
Mithrun, for most of his life, hasn't known family as any close or positive thing. But for that briefest moment Cael had returned to him, and he had seen how mindfully Cael cared for him despite their history, he considered... it could maybe be something worthwhile, rather than just a burden. And he knows family means no small thing to Sinclair - even, Mithrun thinks, with his memories altered.
He isn't really sure if he had a name for this relationship he had with Sinclair; it was something affected by a filter of anger toward the professor, on Mithrun's end. But, with that filter removed - after everything... did Sinclair's sentiment still hold? )
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It only stood to reason, his warm affection would persist even now]
...you did?
[ There's an ache in his chest; he knew Mithrun had read his book, but he knew he hadn't written that note before]
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... You asked if it was okay if you considered me family. And if we could take photos together, when we leave here.
( A beat, but— )
... It is okay. And... I do want to. If that's fine with you.
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...it is. It makes me really happy.
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... Me, too.
( Which is strange, for him. But... a good strange. A warm strange. )
... Thanks. For not giving up on me. ( Even though... Sinclair probably would've been better off giving up on him, even before the Macha thing. ) I'll make sure... you and the people you like get out. We could get... a big group picture, after this.
( The rest of Sinclair's CR (like, half the game) may not be Mithrun's blorbos, but they are his blorbo-in-laws by virtue of them being Sinclair's. He doesn't care for them personally, but they gotta live so Sinclair is happy. Them's the breaks. )
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... yeah. I'd like that. It's something nice to aim for. Thanks...for coming back. I was so glad...
[ He had believed Mithrun had still been in there, buried under everything. But he had been scared too]