FOR THEY CANNOT DIE ANYMORE, BECAUSE THEY ARE EQUAL TO ANGELS.

[cccorp]

Today, the canals of Mac Anu flow as gentle as they always do, gondolas drifting lazy through the paths of sunlight cut bright across the water. Shops and vendors line the stonework streets along the waterways, a general murmur of NPCs circulating through their preprogrammed business keeping Mac Anu, as always, feeling maybe a little more alive than a real city.

There is one particular bridge that nearly every player's taken at least once, because it connects to a great many other places of interest, and it's wide enough for easy travel. Besides, with the professions update, they've put a fishing spot on the other side of it. NPCs with fishing rods litter the spot in alternating shifts, their laughter mingling with the calls of shopkeeps advertising cheap prices for some simple plants to get started crafting with, and the clink of forks and plates at a restaurant nearby, its customers singing the chef praises.

Below the bridge, a gondolier passes, humming, his gondola drifting along its circuit through the canals, his tune in rhythm with the passing conversation. As he comes out from under it and sails further away, he glances up at the bridge, as if he were expecting something, and he seems to see it. His gaze remains fixed there until, eventually, the water takes him out of sight again.

Today, you might notice that at the base of this bridge, just before your feet, is a red sort of smear.

A little further down the bridge, about a fourth of the way along it, is a person collapsed on the ground. The red trails to him, fallen forward.

You see upon approaching his hand grasping at his throat at the singularly cut sliced deep into his neck. His one good eye wide and unblinking, he is—among all the laughter and conversation on either side of the bridge; in the shadow of the clock tower, which stands a silent witness, the sun at its back—no longer breathing, his body cool to the touch.

Perhaps this could be considered a kindness: for one who failed, time and time and again, to grasp the desire to live, maybe he found some suggestion of it in his last moments, his hand at his throat, his palm smeared with dried blood, a curious anomaly in the deathless Mac Anu. Fragment had, after all, taught him a great many things. Should he not be grateful for one more, no matter how permanent the lesson?

Mithrun is dead.

Comments

[tinged]

[ half an hour, an hour, more. the silent adagio of hani's heart keeps time for the breaths they aren't taking.

there's nothing. just nothing. hani presses their hand against the barrier and nothing happens. no matter how long their gaze lingers on mithrun, nothing. no movement, no spark in their eye. he wants for nothing now in this game. (...and outside of it?)

if hien's still around after erecting the barrier, hani only has one question to ask, low and toneless. it's a wonder that words can form from the nothingness within them. ]

... Do you have an answer now?

[ they stay long enough to memorize the scene, each detail burned into their mind like a brand. their lovely robes turn red, red, red, red - the color of devotion. ]

[selfconcept]

[ Does he? Hien has been standing outside the barrier, making sure that no one tries to cross it or do anything unruly here. He's in his usual grim reaper-like outfit with the hood up to obscure most of his face.

With no emotion, he speaks up: ]

I decided that's something you will have to figure out for yourself.

[ Or they can stop playing entirely. Either way, that's not his decision to make for anyone. ]

[tinged]

[ ah. that's fine. hani doesn't mind anything right now. ]

I already have my answer.

[ they'll keep playing. ]

Thank you. [ automatic. ] I hope you can find your own answer, if you haven't already.

[selfconcept]

Then I hope your answer will suit your needs.

[ But will Hien's suit his own? He doesn't know.

Perhaps it will be relevant later, but to him, it doesn't feel like it is now.

A shame, since he would have liked to fight Mithrun at least once. ]

[tinged]

If it doesn’t, then I’ll make it. I have to.

[ hani answers lightly despite the weight of their words. ]

It’s my choice to be here, after all.

[selfconcept]

... Of course. It's your choice, and I won't stop you.

[ Despite the hollowness of his words today, the last bit seems a bit mixed with emotions that he's not allowed to convey right now.

But for now, he will resume his post to keeping the barrier up and making sure no one does anything stupid here. ]

[ganymed]

[ Well, Ganymede strolls in late. But, seeing this, he has to at least say something. Ask something, to be sure. Futile questionnaire beginning in 3, 2, 1... ]

...And what exactly are you going to do other than keep this shield up here?

Aren't you supposed to be the head admin?

[ Or something? ]

[selfconcept]

Don't look at me as if I'm your god--coming to see me only when something goes wrong or when you want something from me.

[ There's no emotion behind those words--definitely a whole lot different than when Hien judged Ganymede's food. ]

[ganymed]

How about you get off your high horse? You're not anywhere near being a god.

[ This is definitely a step above food, for certain. ]

[selfconcept]

That's what I'm saying. You're all treating me like one, so don't put me on the high horse yourselves. You're angry and you want someone to blame. Isn't it nice that I'm conveniently here? To accept all your complaints?

[ganymed]

[ He sends him a look for that. This is only the second time he has spoken to Hien and yes he has heard of his attitude but Ganymede is not going to take it.

Someone innocent got hurt. ]

...Is that what you think it is? That we're just angry?!

You're the one getting all damned boorishly high and mighty when people are fielding questions, yet you're acting surprise when they're frustrated when you stonewall them!? It's not like we're blaming you for what happened, and sure it's nice that you're keeping anyone else from doing something stupid with the body, but what else?

We're worried and we know that simply logging out of the game won't necessarily change what happened! So of course we're looking for something more substantial than 'no comment'!

[selfconcept]

I'm not surprised. And of course you're angry.

[ Of course he expects it. He knows that his actions have consequences, but he goes through with them anyway. People will just want more and more--they will never be satisfied. People always want more. ]

I don't think you thought over this properly. I work for CC Corp. In situations like this, every single word that I say will be used against me, and by extension the company. We're already seeing it happen, so don't try to refute it.

[ People get hurt all the time. ]

If you want the answers, I'm sure you're smart enough with all your friends to figure out what happened. The only thing that keeps you currently bound is the lack of motivation to search for the answer yourself. Why are you still here? Go do something about it. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

[userunfriendly]

[ It's so different from the day at the cathedral — but not any more reassuring, for that. Hani, frozen, is every bit as unsettling as Hani in overt distress. Michel approaches quietly, watching crimson blooming over their robes. ]

Hani.

[ There's no thought that follows that, just a number of wordless questions bound up in the name. ]

[tinged]

Hello.

[ if they could feel reluctance, they wouldn’t turn away from the barrier to face winter. but they can’t feel anything; their facial muscles seem to be locked in place. ]

Why do you think this keeps happening?

[userunfriendly]

[ He leans down a little, setting his hands lightly on their upper arms. Is he getting better at this? He doubts it. But he dislikes — with the sort of sudden and fierce intensity that would have turned his previous armor red — that he's getting more experienced at this. ]

...I don't know yet. There are too many factors. But I don't believe waiting here will do you any good.

[tinged]

I might miss him if I leave now. [ a silly thing to say because they miss him already. ] Just a little longer… Just in case.

[ their eyes slide back to the… avatar. ]

Winter-kun. Don’t. Let this happen to you. You’re not allowed.

[userunfriendly]

[ "Just in case." He isn't going to be the person to tell Hani not to hope. All he can do is nod to that. ]

Then I'll wait with you.

[ Better than leaving them alone to contemplate this. He startles very slightly at their words, glancing down at their non-expression again. ]

I doubt that Mithrun intended this to happen, either. But I can promise you [ very little, really ] ...that I'll be cautious.

[tinged]

... Are you sure?

[ they stare up at him with bleak eyes. ]

I practiced - worrying. But I'm still not good at it. And I still won't be good, even if you're here.

[userunfriendly]

[ He doesn't know if it's the right answer — but it's the only one he's been learning throughout this. So he reaches over to enfold Hani in a brief hug.

Hani-kun, so small. He can fit you in his heart. ]

There is no one correct way. I believe those feelings will reach him as they are. As you are.

[insinning]

[Sinclair just waits on the periphery, for Hani to be finished talking to people. Admin and players alike. When they're done, he steps forward]

[tinged]

[ warmth approaching like a sunrise and they turn to him as naturally as a morning glory. ]

Hello. [ they don’t quite turn away, just casts their eyes back to the avatar for a brief second to make sure it’s still there. ] … How is this supposed to feel?

[insinning]

[ It's still there. This is a waking nightmare after all, and those never let things stop haunting you.

He takes Hani's hand, warm and soft.]

Cold. Empty. [ It's another body to add to his nightmares, another voice whispering in his sleep.] Like ice.

[ Hani had shone when talking about Mithrun, Morgan and Tylor. They had been overflowing with that, relentless...]

It creeps in, freezing everything it touches. It hurts, so much.

[ But Sinclair isn't ice. If Hani looks, the little flame is a raging wildfire, barely contained]

[tinged]

[ then they’re doing it right. well, that’s good. ]

Oh.

[ they stare at their hand, held in vogel’s. ]

I thought I felt nothing. But you’re right. Every part hurts so much everywhere that I just couldn’t tell.

…This ice, it burns.

[insinning]

[Squeezing Hani's hand, studying their face. What can he see?]

It does. It burns, everything away until you feel like you can't move...it pulls you in, so deep, if you let it.

[Drowning you. Paralysing you. Unless you choose to fight it and break free]

[tinged]

[ he sees someone who seems to be in a period of emotional stasis, as if everything is too overwhelming and they’ve shut away every precious feeling to protect them from further contamination by the shock of tragedy. it leaves only a simulacrum of a person with a face that tries to smile, is made to smile, but can’t seem to remember how. every other sentence, their lips seem to twitch upwards, but can’t quite manage the rest of the steps. and on their pale face, their eyes seem to look through him, already searching for the person they’re missing. ]

Ah… I think I’ll let it, so I know what it feels like.