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Entry tags:
.:First Party Run, Recreational Runs & More:. [closed]
Who ⬤ Ganymede and Co.
What ⬤ Dungeon-crawlin', exploring, talking with people. What can go wrong?
Now featuring some potentially cw-worthy memshares, or content involving that.
When ⬤ Following first meetings, and anything related to the below subjects.
Where ⬤ Coiling Friend's Tiny Beast, ΔHidden Forbidden Holy Ground, Root Towns
Content Warnings ⬤ Mentions of drunken behavior.
Further mentions and displays of captivity, kidnapping, stalking, and subjects relating to suicide.
[ Following some enlightening discussions that have more or less blossomed into actual plans, an unlikely band of four adventurers assemble!
Names added to friends' lists, details hashed out, which means one thing and one thing only, that the next point some adventuring is happening. Though, given that it is everyone's (probable?) first time, it seems that there is no way for anybody to choose specific places or areas they might like!
Thankfully, that's what the random Area Exploration mechanic is for.
Ganymede steps forward, and just decides to select a perfect set of coordinates for everyone...
...Not! As if even he can be decisive at this point. He lets everyone know that these are the keywords they'll be working with. "Coiling Friend's Tiny Beast", that is.
So once the Chaos Gate is utilized for them to all cross over...
Welcome to the wonderful location of Coiling Friend's Tiny Beast! Apparently it's an area that has a rocky desert-like appearance that stretches out for miles on end. Not to mention, there is a wonderful-looking flesh wall that is the proper beginning of the dungeon crawling, and entry point into the actual dungeon that is bound to be teeming with treasure and creatures.
But, they're not inside that wall as of yet. ]
RESULTS: Can be viewed here, for our reference!
What ⬤ Dungeon-crawlin', exploring, talking with people. What can go wrong?
Now featuring some potentially cw-worthy memshares, or content involving that.
When ⬤ Following first meetings, and anything related to the below subjects.
Where ⬤ Coiling Friend's Tiny Beast, ΔHidden Forbidden Holy Ground, Root Towns
Content Warnings ⬤ Mentions of drunken behavior.
Further mentions and displays of captivity, kidnapping, stalking, and subjects relating to suicide.
[ Following some enlightening discussions that have more or less blossomed into actual plans, an unlikely band of four adventurers assemble!
Names added to friends' lists, details hashed out, which means one thing and one thing only, that the next point some adventuring is happening. Though, given that it is everyone's (probable?) first time, it seems that there is no way for anybody to choose specific places or areas they might like!
Thankfully, that's what the random Area Exploration mechanic is for.
Ganymede steps forward, and just decides to select a perfect set of coordinates for everyone...
...Not! As if even he can be decisive at this point. He lets everyone know that these are the keywords they'll be working with. "Coiling Friend's Tiny Beast", that is.
So once the Chaos Gate is utilized for them to all cross over...
Welcome to the wonderful location of Coiling Friend's Tiny Beast! Apparently it's an area that has a rocky desert-like appearance that stretches out for miles on end. Not to mention, there is a wonderful-looking flesh wall that is the proper beginning of the dungeon crawling, and entry point into the actual dungeon that is bound to be teeming with treasure and creatures.
But, they're not inside that wall as of yet. ]
RESULTS: Can be viewed here, for our reference!
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Ah, well. He can feel the slight movement of fingers against his own. ]
...I'm not surprised you'd say that.
[ The world is full of unknowns and questionable things. People, of course, are always the most suspicious element of them all. That woman who hurt Michel is one of those elements.
When he apologizes, he thinks its entirely unnecessary, but gives the hand a gentle squeeze anyway. ]
Ilus never wanted to die, of course. But, I think in the end, he would have chosen to do the same even if the event repeated itself, and he was alive at the beginning of it. [ He says, feeling bitter about it still. ] Still, he was able to be there, to do his best to protect me, so that I wouldn't face it alone. Sometimes, I imagine I can be satisfied imagining that is enough.
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Michel doesn't have hopes or expectations from others. He doesn't want to be understood anymore. So why does he feel a thread of strange, guilty relief to share this twisted commonality? He gives Ganymede's hands a light tug to begin steering him back to a private room. ]
So it appeared to me. Your brother loved you, deeply.
[ Did that mitigate the pain of it, knowing that Ilus had died making a choice he would have chosen and chosen again? He doubts it. None of that will give Ganymede his brother back, or those four years back. Michel's hold on his hands tightens slightly. ]
He might be satisfied with that. And you? What about when that isn't enough?
[ Because he hears the weight of that "sometimes." Michel raises his gaze to Ganymede's face again. He doesn't seem in danger of tears now -- from Michel's experience, that's hardly reassuring. He doesn't know what to do with either, but the quiet beyond tears may be more delicate still. ]
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He feels it's certain. That even in the rotten world out there, his brother cared. There is a place in Heaven for him—where those other men will not join. ]
I don't know. The world doesn't stop turning, even when people are cruel to you, and even when their actions have changed how you see it all forever. Even if I stopped moving, that fact wouldn't change. On those days, I can only try to force myself to have the wherewithal not to let it hold me back.
[ That he doesn't slip back into that state he was when he was in the hospital, recovering, after his escape. Even when he had managed to achieve freedom. He still would much rather prefer he has already gotten over it, but that is impossible to act like that in front of Michel. In retrospect, there's a burning question in his throat still, even if it might make things harder. Far more difficult. But, with their hands held tightly together, he has to ask anyway, even if it comes out clumsy. ]
...What about you?
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Ganymede is strong. Stubborn... but not brittle. The reassurance to a question Michel hadn't fully realized he was asking is like a single ray of sunlight slipping through the cloud cover, and Michel gives him a tiny smile. ]
I agree with the sentiment. I'm... glad to hear it.
[ It's too weak a word for it. But even that admission isn't easy, although the itch of discomfort he expects to feel at admitting to such a blatant emotion doesn't come. It's still a risk; these small cracks in the wall he'd built so painstakingly would admit a flood if they caused the rest to crumble completely. ]
What about me?
[ Opening the question to clarification might take it in a direction he doesn't want to answer, he realizes a moment too late. ]
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He only wishes where he would venture next wouldn't be the reason for the disappearance of the smile. But, Ganymede isn't going to change his mind and decide to come up with a poor lie that 'it was nothing' or anything like that. ]
I saw what you experienced. It must have hurt. I know it did.
So, I wondered, if you had thought the same, like I did. That there were times when other motivations didn't feel like enough. And now that something so painful had revealed itself again to you, you couldn't pretend that nothing had gone amiss. That the world hadn't hurt you.
Because you were stronger than before. Because you could stand on your own feet, strong and alone, with no vulnerabilities.
...Did you?
idk whether this roll was a success or not; cw: suicidal ideation
It had hurt. Deeply. Constantly. But the idea that Ganymede thinks he's stronger now, spiked with the bitter knowledge that he's hardly changed at all, draws a brief, humorless laugh from him.
Strong enough to stand on his own feet? Isn't it only that he's too tired even to die? ]
There is no way to live in the world without vulnerabilities. If you feel, you can be hurt.
[ The words are too harsh. He can't say that to Ganymede after what they've just seen of each other. He doesn't want the darkness that still has its claws sunk into him all the way to his bones to reach out for Ganymede. He draws in a deeper breath, then another, his hands grasping Ganymede's more tightly again.
It hurts to disillusion Ganymede about him, too. But Michel is a terrible liar. He's fought against it for too long for it to come naturally now. Can he at least lie to himself, that he can act out Ganymede's image of him until he could truthfully live up to it? ]
I don't know what I can tell you. The world continues to move, and I am simply waiting. But while anything remains of my spirit, I will wait. That... is the sum total of the courage I possess.
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But, regardless of all these things...he knows one thing:
He's come to know the other man just a bit, and he thinks, well. He might actually have started to consider him someone he can count on. Michel let him lean on him, so maybe he is beginning to want to do the same for him. He doesn't quite understand the particulars, but he thinks...maybe that part of him has been that way even before now. Appreciating his presence bit by bit, even if before, Ganymede has pretended he didn't. And, well, that he cares about him a little too. That might be the most important part of it all.
This warmth he feels in their hands, when they're close by...he wants Michel to feel a bit of it too. Setting aside those thoughts, he begins to speak again. ]
Tell me just what is on your mind, if you're able. It's all I ask. [ And as far as Ganymede can tell, he has. So, he closes his eyes for a bit. ] Alright. While you're waiting, I hope you're prepared for me to drag you along at times. You already know more about me than most people, so it's only fair.
[ Then he opens them, eyes gazing at Michel softly, fingers still gripping tightly, feeling nervous because in his heart of hearts, he realizes quickly he never has comforted people much. If at all. Or had the opportunity to be there for people...how could he have? When he was a mess for so long. Still is one. ]
...And I'll let you know, that you can count on me too whenever. Including if you ever feel that courage of yours run out.
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He looks down at their joined hands as if seeing them for the first time. When is the last time he touched anyone for this long? That anyone wanted to touch him? He brushes his thumb lightly over Ganymede's knuckles; if this were in real life, it would be to convince himself of the presence of the moment, but none of this is real at all. ]
Why... do you want to go to so much trouble for me? Because I know something of your circumstances?
[ It's not enough of a reason. But he can't feel as suspicious as he usually would, either. What conceivable benefit could Ganymede find to all this? If there was one, perhaps he would deserve it for his pains. ]
I don't have a warm personality. It can't be pleasant to be around someone who doesn't have the least idea how to be considerate or tactful. I'm likely to ask all kinds of unwelcome questions. [ And, with the momentum of this outburst of confessions, a little defiantly: ] And what if I want to hear what's on your mind as well?
[ Would it be alright? Would it be enough? He's not hoping for someone who understands him. But to have one person... to have a friend who for some reason enjoys his company -- someone he can be there for in turn -- would that be too much to hope for? Hope is poisonous, and yet. For more than ten years he's still been waiting.
To hear that he can turn to Ganymede if his courage ever falters again... the warmth of that is like a conflagration. Like touching a flame. Like sunlight. ]
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It honestly scares him, just a bit. ]
Because I want to. Obviously, the fact you're not a stranger, and know about my circumstances would factor into it.
There's nothing wrong with that, is there? I'd already hardly minded your company even before you saw something I would have rather you'd not. Prefer it, at times. Examine your own actions as well...those have meant something to me.
[ He truly likes being around Michel, enjoys his company, and the sound of his voice. The fact the other man has sought him out, worried about him, and shown all the warmth he thinks he's incapable of. Even if those thoughts are a part of the revelation that is startling because he'd hope to never attribute any sort of favor towards anyone. That is just asking for them to be put into a position of power to do as they please, should they discover it. But, Michel's different from everyone else. Even the fact that he saw what he looked like doesn't terrify him. ]
Warmth isn't just in a personality. And, I'll ask you all the unwelcome questions in the world, so it's only fair. [ ... ] I'm not like people who think that it'd be perfect to meet others half-way. If you ask me what I think, I won't hide it from you.
[ So ridiculous, navigating uncharted waters. But what can he do but desire to continue along these waves? No matter the turbulent storm. ]
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I... I don't mind your company, either.
[ He doesn't know what actions Ganymede could even mean. He's scarcely done anything. But... maybe it's acceptable to let that stand as it is, too. The tension in Ganymede's expression right now is such a welcome echo of his own emotional state that he feels a little more of his own fear evaporate. ]
If you wish to talk about any of it, I can listen.
[ He doesn't want to talk about his. But Ganymede had said before that the feelings seemed to fester when he held them in; maybe this is something he can do for him. He won't ask any of the many things he's wondering until Ganymede volunteers it -- what had happened during that time in captivity, how he was freed. Even knowing that would hardly tell him anything about the shape of the scars left behind.
There are other things he wants to ask that would tell him just as little. How Ganymede found a goal again after all that. What drew him to it. What his family thought of it. What it was like... ]
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His heart traitorously beats a bit more with a skip when the other male states that he doesn't mind his company at all. ]
You would.
You've said you weren't all that warm at all. But, the act of volunteering your ear, the fact you're holding my hands so securely...that you haven't run away from me makes me think that you're not as cold as you imagine yourself to be.
[ ...He goes this way instead. He then steps closer, and leans his head lightly against the other man's chest, eyes closing. ]
I could talk about it. About every single bit of misfortune that has lead up to here. But, it still hurts. [ Ganymede admits through gritted teeth, hidden because of where he has his head now. ] I'd rather you hold me for a bit instead, just like before. Even if last time I know...it was only because it was an accident.
[ It's unreasonable for him to say that. He knows it. ]
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Does he want to change? Everyone who feels can be hurt. The idea that he could be a source of comfort to anyone else is... terrifying. And maybe, a tiny bit exhilarating. Slow and tentative, he wraps one arm around Ganymede's waist and lifts a hand to hover just over Ganymede's hair in indecision. ]
It was. An accident. But maybe, ah...
[ It was a little bit of good fortune. He doesn't think he would have reached out for someone else of his own volition. And he's not certain Ganymede would, either. So maybe, this one time, the scales of fate tipped just a little into something — silly and wonderful.
Michel finally makes up his mind and winds the other arm around Ganymede as well, tilting his head to press his cheek lightly to the top of Ganymede's head. Is this too stifling? Is he holding him wrong? His posture is a little stiff with uncertainty. But still, he doesn't intend to let go until Ganymede is ready. ]
...There isn't much I can do for you. But at times when it hurts more keenly, or on days when you feel all you can is force yourself onward, I— I can at least do this.
[ If Ganymede is always this honest with him about his feelings, at any rate. It's giving himself a little too much credit to think he could realize otherwise. ]
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But, true confirmation lies within the fact the taller man reaches to encircle at least a singular arm around his waist. Those movements which inspire something else within him—relief? Yes, perhaps, but it feels like more than that as well.
Enough for him to reopen his eyes, thinking of tilting his head upwards, only to then feel the light bit of physical contact to the top of his head. Next, the fact the other arm joins the initial one, closing him in even more firmly to the other man than before. ]
Of course you can. [ His words are spoken softly, and gently, not unlike one giving benediction. But, Ganymede's arms slip out, sneakily, if only to find their way around Michel's waist in turn. ] And I can do this too. You don't mind, do you?
[ Just like this, he feels cozy, even if it feels like it still hurts, there's another comforting warmth, that makes his throat feel tight. And yet, there might be the hint of a small smile on his lips, unseen in his current position. ]
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But Ganymede's voice is soft. And then Ganymede is reaching out to wrap him in an answering hug that makes him freeze in place in surprise yet again. It feels like a gesture meant for someone else, but at the same time, surreally natural. If he had been born into a world only slightly different than the one he grew up in... by this age, this kind of thing would long since have been trivial to him, wouldn't it? ]
I-I...[ He clears his throat, as though that were the problem. As though it's impossible that something this simple would fluster him. ] ...I don't mind.
[ He can't relax. But despite the unease, the tension isn't unwelcome, either. The warmth of Ganymede snuggled against him, the rise and fall of each breath, the knowledge that -- inexplicably -- Ganymede seems to feel better like this... it's all so painfully gentle. ]
same expression in icons ftw
All things considered, he doesn't know what he's doing. Or maybe even what he has done. But, those concerns cease to matter, considering Michel's response. It fills him with more than a semblance of joy and surprise. ]
You don't? Well...that's good. A good thing.
[ They're both doing well here, fam.
He's going to close his eyes, remain comfortable as possible. And, a part of him thinks, if the other can give him that, then even in this tentative clash of emotions, Ganymede believes he can very well do the same. Albeit with some awkwardness, but the both of them seem aligned in that. ]
FJKLDSFJS MATCHIES...
It's a little comical. Despite everything: the memories, his own and Ganymede's, still raw as an unhealed cut directly in his heart. It still hurts. On that, they're in accord. It might make it impossible for them to ever truly be at ease, their guarded natures compounding. But it might also mean that they can understand that fully from each other. ]
Perhaps we aren't so opposite as I believed.
[ Maybe they should sit. But the bed seems too far away, and once Michel steps back, he's not convinced he has the courage to give another hug. So for now he'll just stay like this. ]
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Ganymede is realizing once again how far he has come so far, to be able to allow someone this close, to want another to hold him like this at all. To ask for that, and not want to back out of it immediately, making up some kind of excuse of some sort.
In the end, their awkward turtling towards this sort of display is something revolutionary to both of them. And though Ganymede feels there is still quite a road ahead, it doesn't feel like quite an unreasonable distance. ]
...No, I don't think we are.
Maybe we should list our differences and similarities? Put together some kind of chart?
[ A light jest. Truly, they should sit down, as probably defined by normal social conventions...but eh, fuck that. ]
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[ Michel isn't ridiculous, after all.
For just a moment he closes his eyes. Now that they're finally at rest, it's like the exhaustion of all of it is settling over him at once. As absurd as it is, he almost does feel like he could fall asleep standing up. A good thing he has the soft pillow of Ganymede's hair to rest his cheek on. He can't remember the last time he was this unguarded near someone else. He never realized how tiring that was, too -- the constant state of alert, waiting for breezy words to turn to violence.
And he's never been close enough to someone to touch them like this. No one would ever have wanted him to. He thinks with a little bit of wonder that he can feel Ganymede's heartbeat against his palm if he just rests it on his back like that. Is it calming down now? He likes to think so. ]
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Are you trying to say that I'm ridiculous and that's one difference between us? I'd have to disagree, if that's the case.
[ Falling asleep standing up is truly a real danger for them both. Ganymede is very used to remaining upright on his feet for hours on end—to say that he can manage it is understating it. But, considering the events that have come to pass, he is far too awake to be in true danger of it at all. He's busy musing about how startingly real the warmth from the other man feels.
How it feels some of that warmth emanating from Michel is also continuously making its way paradoxically out from his own heart, to the rest of his own body. ]
But then again, I could always point out some times when you have been exactly that as well.
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...No, you're misremembering.
[ If he says it firmly enough, Ganymede won't think of any of those things either. Except...
Are those memories strong enough to overwrite what Ganymede had seen from him in the mirror? It's a naive, wistful thought. But the present moment is still so much more concrete than memory. He can feel Ganymede's breaths, warm against his chest, and Ganymede's hair tickles the back of his hand. He brushes his fingers against it as if he might comb them through it before he settles his hand flat again. ]
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Yes, there is a bit of firmness he detects, but Ganymede has already managed to take to like a shark that gets a whiff of blood in water. ]
Am I really though?
[ Ganymede asks, while the memories of their trauma still remain fresh. But, he can feel those fingers brush against his hair just a bit, and tries to lean a tad into the gentle touch. Too brief to cherish, and yet definitely memorable enough to commit in his own head that it happened at all. ]
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The slow-grinding gears of his thoughts delay his response a moment, and he has to blink a few times to get himself refocused. ]
Yes. ...And you're trying to talk me in circles again.
[ Maybe. Probably. Maybe he'll let him. Maybe he should let him. It's easy to talk to Ganymede, almost. Or, at least, to let this directionless banter cover the fact that he has no idea what he's doing. ]
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As for where they are in all this, that is the question, isn't it? The both of them are stumbling around, in the aftermath of previously unknown—still new—territory. ]
I suppose I was caught.
[ He admits to that, since that is definitely easier than anything else. But so is poking the other male (metaphorically, this time) in some manner of banter. He has no problem engaging in such, even if Michel's still embracing him tightly. Maybe he's testing his luck...! ]
But, I would like to remind you that I do have a good memory. There isn't much I'm likely to forget—or remember incorrectly. I'll be happy to continue pointing it out in this instance—or I suppose I could mention that we both have a hard time conceding defeat in disagreements. That'd be two similarities, wouldn't it?
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[ Banter... is good, Michel is deciding. A fixed point of normalcy while other things still seem to be shifting under their feet. It still feels unreal that anyone could see that memory and still want to touch him, and yet, Ganymede hasn't yet signaled that he's ready to pull back. ]
And I'm clearly nowhere near as stubborn as you. [ That, he thinks, may actually be correct. ] But... my memory is quite good as well. So that should make two after all.
[ There are more differences than similarities, he thinks. But even so -- and even though some of the similarities don't bear looking at -- he feels strangely reluctant to put more distance between them by pointing that out. ]
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[ A little bit of normalcy in otherwise almost complete abnormal absurdity of the fact that such scenes are possible to have been viewed before people's eyes...
Either way, Ganymede doesn't think he has changed his opinion of Michel yet—not where it counts. It is inevitable that upon knowing more about another individual, it brings another new point of view, but he will never allow what he viewed to diminish the man's being to him. ]
You're not? ...You have your own determination to see things through. Different from my own.
[ So is that considered a difference after putting together those two similarities? ]
We're both quiet people. No one would call us the life of the party, I'd think.
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