[ closed ]

[userunfriendly]

Who ❄ Michel, various
What ❄ memshare and assorted overflow
When ❄ ~August
Where ❄ Lumina Cloth carnival
Content Warnings ❄ child abuse and violence, captivity, torture, gore, pet death, transphobia, misogyny, TBA. Specific warnings in headers.


[ Plotting post here! ]

Comments

cw transphobia, medical nonconsent

[userunfriendly]

[ Ah. The same, but inverted. Old-fashioned families, older siblings already established. ]

And so... she needed a son. Did you have a say?

[ That had always been one of Michel's lingering nightmares. As stifling as his father's more explosive rage was, the possibility that his parents — either of them — would convince a doctor that treatments could resolve his "irrationality" was much, much more terrifying. ]

cw medical nonconsent

[dissimulative]

Permission for children to receive medical treatment usually requires a parent or guardian's permission... at least, it does here. A parent's permission is the child's permission.

[ So, no. ]

I didn't think anything of it until I got older... but I don't hate my mother.

[ same hat ]

[userunfriendly]

That's why you asked about my family.

[ That's entirely too close to home; Michel stifles a grimace. He understands the feeling very well. But he's not certain he'd be able to say the same, if that had happened to him. ]

...Are you happy with this?

[dissimulative]

Well, it's what I am, so... I just decided to live with it.

[ :') ]

It is what it is.

[userunfriendly]

I see. If that's your closure.

[ You know... Michel read that forum post. A lot. He doesn't have enough hobbies. And "it just digs at you mentally, its just something i gotta learn to deal with" stuck with him for obvious reasons.

The long pause to think probably masks him checking Oria's equipment descriptions. ]

[dissimulative]

[ The equipment descriptions are all the same, as they're a set. And it reads as follows:

A set of armor that is not quite "right," not quite "you," but you've learned to live with it. The matching gun doesn't fit quite right in your hands, but it's yours nonetheless.

The weapon is a red flintlock pistol and it's covered with a CZ75 silver handgun skin. Perhaps if Michel were to see it in Oria's (smaller than average) hands, he'd realize why the description is as it is. ]

Yeah, it's mine. I can't stay stuck in the past when I need to move forward.

[userunfriendly]

[ He's seen Oria's small hands, and he's seen the gun. And most importantly — he viscerally knows the feeling of the "self" out of joint. It's not the choice Michel would have made, but even so... ]

That takes its own kind of strength. Perhaps that's part of who you are.

[ And in a situation with no right answers, the choice itself is what matters. Still, he doesn't quite manage to stop his tongue before the rest spills out, too bluntly: ]

I think what your mother did was horrific. [ An understatement. ] ...But, I can understand not desiring to hate her. I feel the same about mine.

[dissimulative]

[ Oria loves his family and he'd do a lot of things for them. Hell, he's drop whatever he was doing and even go halfway across the globe right away if they needed him. Oria would understand that many people would hate their mothers if they were in a similar situation as he was, but despite everything, he still loves his family the most. ]

Wow, we're alike more than I expected.

[ Is that a good or bad thing? Regardless, it makes him feel less alone during his eighteen years of his existence for the first time. ]

[userunfriendly]

I don't know how to feel about that.

[ The grumble is instinctive and reflexive, just a little undermined by Michel's expression softening slightly. Even if it's naivete, or self-destructive loyalty, that even one other person could see some of the same things he has and still wish for his family's happiness... it's like he can feel some of the creeping corrosion of doubt recede, just a little. ]

[dissimulative]

[ Oria huffs, but then smiles at Michel. It's really genuine and also soft. ]

It means you can now feel less alone, stupid.

[userunfriendly]

[ ...Ah. Well, if Oria is going to be like that about it... Michel can't help but smile softly in return. ]

...That may take some adjustment. [ Half joking, and half not. ] But, that's... you as well.

[dissimulative]

I can adapt pretty fast!

[ Oria feels like there's been a weight lifted off his shoulders. He's never meant to tell that to anyone. He planned on taking the secret to the grave for fear that it would impact the family's reputation even though he wasn't the person who started this whole thing. ]

I'm stronger than I look.

[userunfriendly]

[ Could it always have been this easy, if Michel had been willing to speak to someone else before? Past evidence says no. But... maybe he'll be willing to consider it, after this. ]

I'm beginning to see as much already. [ Ah. A related thought, though more literal: ] ...And I won't tease you about your height anymore.

[dissimulative]

[ Oria is a terrible benchmark for standards, but I believe in Michel... he also appreciates his efforts but smiles anyway. ]

You don't have to go that far. Besides, I haven't stopped growing yet!

[ It's not copium he swears ]

[userunfriendly]

[ That's copium... But he did just say he wouldn't, so. He clears his throat and tries for more restraint. ]

If it's any consolation, you're as tall as my middle brother already.

[ He feels like he said the same thing to Vogel, actually. All these short teenagers. ]

[dissimulative]

No... it isn't.

[ How would he know how tall he is? How is that satisfactory?! Middle? Middle?! ]

[userunfriendly]

[ Ah... RIP Oria. That was all he had. He thinks about it very hard — good thing he doesn't have the dial-up effect at the moment — before reaching out and patting Oria lightly on the top of the head.

There, there. ]

[dissimulative]

[ Oria usually doesn't enjoy headpats because that would mean other people are touching his hair, which he REALLY doesn't like, but.

Eh.

He can make an exception for Michel. ]

You're kinda awkward, huh?

[userunfriendly]

[ An attempt was made. He pulls his hand back and folds his arms over his chest again, although he's not nearly as defensive as he'd feel hearing that from someone else. ]

Yes, well. I've always been "undersocialized."

[ He's not still angry at Didier, but maybe he would rub his nose in that one if he could. ]

[dissimulative]

Undersocialized?

[ ... ]

House arrest?

[ ???? ]

[userunfriendly]

[ Why is that the first place Oria's mind goes... not that he's completely wrong. ]

...I have more questions about your family by the moment.

[dissimulative]

Since you know my real name, you can look them up online.

[ They have an entire wiki page. ]

[userunfriendly]

I might. You won't be angry?

[ Because if Oria seriously told him not to, he might not. Last chance to put the brakes on that. ]

[dissimulative]

It's what the internet is for--it's a treasure trove of information, or something. Anyone is free to look up whatever they want. It's just how they use the information that matters. So, no. I won't be angry.

[ He seems genuine about it. Let Michel satisfy his curiosity. ]

[userunfriendly]

Sometimes, some of it is even true.

[ He won't place too much hope on that, but it would still give him some context. Although he doubts he'd be as philosophical about it if there was much information on him easy to dig up online. ]

I'll see, then.