[Closed] misteaks' mistakes (catchall)

[gluttoning]

Who: Misteaks and also some other people
What: Event catchall + dungeon runs
When: August - September, maybe later who knows
Where: various, please note in headers
Content Warnings: parental death, child abuse (emotional/verbal), child death, ED mention. Please cw in headers.

[overflow and log space for August and September]

Comments

[gluttoning]

[He tries to follow the sounds with his mouth, feeling clumsy about it. But there's a look of mild relief when Morgan says it doesn't matter that much.]

Still... I'll try to practice. I don't want to look too stupid in front of your aide or anything.

[As for the amusement park? He shakes his head, though his eyes do light up a bit. That's right, he keeps walking past that place...]

Not yet. Levi's not really a fan of most of those kinds of rides, and I don't think it's all that fun by myself.

I'm guessing you've tried it already, huh. How is it?

[tablescraps]

( "Too" stupid? )

You're not stupid.

( He says this very factually. )

... There's a lot of games. A lot of rides. I went with a friend before.

( It's easy to call Anaido a friend because they both, in an equally socially unusual way, indicated they had an openness to categorizing each other as friends, and both consented. Therefore, they are friends. )

It wasn't bad. There's a broad variety of rides, and lot of small prizes you can win by playing games.

( Without explanation, he equips a party hat skin. It's got a little shiny pompom up top. )

Like this.

( He leaves it on. )

We can go, since you'd prefer to visit it with company.

[gluttoning]

[There's a mild hum of confusion at the correction.]

...Oh.

Thanks. But you don't have to say that. It's okay.

[It's fine, he knows he isn't bright. Not like Lucas, or Damian, or Levi, or the ace quarterbacks and tight ends, or even someone like Morgan.

Smarts weren't for him. It was better to admit as much before he got slapped in the face with it.

He does let our a very muted chuckle at the party hat, a colorful accessory sitting on top of a very colorful person who just happened to have the driest expression on the planet. It tickles him a little.]

Huh. Like... a super carnival. [You can never escape Carnival, apparently.] Sure, we can go.

[tablescraps]

( :/ )

... You're like Tylor.

( He most certainly isn't happy about Barrett putting himself down. Neither is his party hat happy about this, despite its cheerful colors. It's what they were verbally elbowing Tylor before for, too, together, so it's extra :/

He rolls back a little and then forward, getting onto his feet with a bit of oomph. He tugs Barrett, by way of telling him to come after him. We are going to the super carnival homie, as so agreed.

The difficult thing when it comes to people's self-esteem and internal feelings is that - Mithrun doesn't have a good way of talking through that. Like with Tylor, he doesn't have the words. With Barrett, he recalls the whole bit with his father - he suspects maybe there's some of that going into this, and maybe some other reinforcement. Maybe he's short by whatever metric - academic or otherwise.

But he just doesn't like the way Barrett says "it's okay" about it. Mithrun can't articulate why, but it makes him want to smack him. )

I don't think you're stupid. ( He can't kill Barrett's demons for him, but he can at least say what's true for him. ) You see into my blind spots. That's enough for me.

[gluttoning]

Morgan...

["You're like Tylor" hits him a bit hard. He's not sure in what capacity, but he remembers how irritated he'd been at Tylor for his humility at the picnic, how angry it had made Morgan. The fluttering echo he sees here...

Is he just doing the same thing?

Morgan tugs, and Barrett follows, but not immediately. Not without a careful tug back as he gets to his feet.]

Hey, h-hey... [A verbal request for a pause, still not leaving the bedside.] No, you're right. I'm not used to people telling me stuff like that. Or I... you know, I think they might change their minds after a while. But...

[He just talked to Hani about invalidation, too, didn't he.... Ugh. He might laugh if he were a different kind of person. As it is, he just lets his touch linger, trying to catch Morgan's gaze again if present and lingering against his back if not.]

...I'm sorry, Morgan. I'm stepping all over what you just said by saying that about myself.

I want to trust you. [The handhold squeezes, if only briefly.] I shouldn't treat things you say about me like they're, um... uh... [What do you call it... he means "pleasantries" but the word can't come to him and it's frustrating. But he just tries to find a way around it.]

...Like they're just filling space.

[tablescraps]

( Ah. He hadn't expect a moment of reflection on Barrett's part, largely because Tylor tends to breeze past the callouts - making Mithrun wonder if he was just imagining things. He stops his stride when Barrett tugs back, looking up at him to listen. He'll meet his gaze. He gives Barrett that much.

He's reminded a little of what Oria told him, too. Don't tell the people you want to kiss you that there are better options. You'd just be telling them how they feel is wrong. At the time, he really hadn't gotten the problem - but, the way Barrett lays it out and having it turned around like this, albeit in different context, he thinks maybe he does get it a little better. )

... I mean the things I say.

( He doesn't feel like smacking him anymore. Huh. He brushes his thumb along the back of Barrett's hand - not consciously, maybe, but it does seem to suggest forgiveness. He's not angry anymore.

Barrett can either trust him or he can't. That's on him. But... )

... But I'll give you time to learn to trust me.

( Mithrun may know he's not like people who've "changed their minds" on Barrett later, but Barrett can't be sure yet. So, if he needs time and evidence, then he can have it. They have all the time in the world. )

[gluttoning]

[There's a slight wince from the redhead as he nods, feeling the brush of Morgan's thumb and letting himself relax his grip slightly in response. He wants to trust him. He wants to say he can trust him. But he knows he's just shown that, at least for this... he has some work to do.]

I do trust you. I want to keep trusting you. Some things... they just stick with me, I guess. But I need to work on seeing it for myself.

...

Thank you. For telling me what you thought.

[Both about him, and about his behavior.]

[tablescraps]

( He shakes his head, like it's not much to thank him for. )

... "The past is never dead. It's not even past." That's what Faulkner wrote, once.

( Mithrun doesn't have the words himself, but he can use the words of another. He gets the past still affects him. Maybe they're all retreading the same footsteps as they did before, every reiteration pounding the dirt flatter and deeper beneath their soles, until maybe once day they find a means to get off their well-trod path, so deeply dug below the earth's surface. )

I'll stay honest with you.

( And that's his promise. )

... Do you still want to go to the amusement park?

[gluttoning]

[I'll stay honest with you.

There's a flicker, brief, of what could almost be guilt. But it's swallowed quickly, under the press of Morgan's hand in his and the reminder of something better.]

I'll take your word for it. I barely managed Faulkner in highschool. It sounds like I might have missed out on something nice, though.

[The past really did have a tendency to stick around. Sometimes it wasn't too bad. Sometimes he wish it would just go to rest.

...

At the request, he nods, stepping alongside Morgan to open his room door for him.]

Yeah, I would.

Show me what games you learned with your friend. Or maybe we could try some new ones.

[tablescraps]

... All right. Old and new.

( Retracing old steps, and making new paths. Even if it's just for something small, like amusement park games.

And, with that, he pulls Barrett through the door. )