altimit | [ closed ] catch-all

[ it’s a day or two after the battle with tarvos and macha that hani realizes they haven’t hold emil about reclaiming their name. they should do that, they decide.

that’s one thing gained, but… so much of them have slipped away. everyday they wake up to new holes in their memories. at least that’s what they think - they can’t tell entirely what they’ve lost, they just know… it’s something, something… what was once sharp has now faded, faces blurred, voices slipping away, and all that’s left are the impression of colors. maybe white, maybe blue, maybe green.

there is something else they need to tell him before everything is gone. before that world leaves them. before their conviction has no evidence, no source.

it would be easiest to retrieve him first thing in the morning, so that’s what they do. ]

Good morning.

[ at his door, ready to claim his time as theirs! ]

[ Is it morning? It's always difficult to tell in Mac Anu. Time slips away, and it's a race against the clock to write, write and write. Before he forgets.

But when he sees Hani, his heart lifts and he smiles, reaching out to take Hani's hand.

He'll always know this face and name, he thinks. Always ]

Good morning.

Edited 2023-11-05 21:24 (UTC)

Good morning, who?

[ it is always morning according to hani ]

[...! squeezing Hani's hand a little]

Good morning, Hani.

[ Oh. Oh no. Is he going to--]

Yes! That's me!!

[ raising their held hands into the air! ]

I am Hani.

[ Ah. After everything they've gone through, this is...

Sinclair lets go only to pull Hani into a hug, squeezing him tight, only barely mindful about Hani's shoulder]

Hani. Hani. I'm so glad--

[ hani will bully their way into a tighter hug because they can. ]

Thank you... for waiting for me to take it back. Thank you for loving my name when I - I couldn't.

[ they can bully all the hugs out of Sinclair. He presses a kiss to Hani's hair, sniffling just a little as he squeezes a little more]

Always. Hani is a wonderful name, for a wonderful person. I'm glad you could come to love it again.

[ blooming under his warmth, his words water their tender soul. ]

Is that... how it seems? I don't know if I do, but if you think so, then you must be right.

[This is Hani, full of colours and light. He gives one more squeeze]

You're brighter again. Before, for awhile, it felt like...[Sinclair searches for the words]...the waters had been muddied.

[ they might still be. a little. ]

... I'm sorry. All the choices I've made, I still think they were necessary.

[ for a better understanding of lily, and... surprisingly, a better understanding of themself. ]

[Sinclair takes Hani's hands, squeezing it]

...like staying with Fandaniel?

... He told you?

He did. Can you...explain?

[Maybe not here, maybe in the beautiful gardens where they could talk comfortably]

[ can they explain? while missing so much of their memories? ]

When I made that promise... [ and it is a promise. they have to keep it. ] ... I had, I think, already made a similar one - at some point. Somewhere. Not to - to stay, but... to be there until -

[ they don't remember until what, until when... ]

It feels like I have been searching all my life for... a place that was for me. And - [ they contemplate his hands and theirs; here is a place they also belong. but... ] After I made that promise, I met Lily in a dream and he said I was less human than all of you. He's not wrong, is he? But here, here, I have flourished. And I... want to protect this world, this beautiful, beautiful world. And all of you.

Especially now that Zelkova-kun is missing...

[Sinclair takes Hani's hand, and together, they sit down on a bench, watching the cherry blossoms drift down with the gentle breeze]

...he is wrong. You have always been human - maybe you had things you felt were missing, maybe things didn't fit together the way they should.

[Sinclair squeezes Hani's hand a little, shaking his head]

From when we met you were always human, And you always will be.

[That gentle apathy in their first encounter transforming into a fiery love they had for family, the people they held close, the quiet exhaustion as they described how they drowned a loved one because there wasn't something right about him...]

...I understand. I think this world made me better--or at least, all of you did. I feel more human when I'm with you, with Oriade, and everyone I've come to love. For you, Fandaniel is one of those people, isn't he? Your master.

Edited 2023-11-06 06:12 (UTC)

I love Master and I love you. I love so many of you very deeply.

[ cherry blossoms, beautiful but brief. in this world, which seems more real by the day, cherry blossom season can last forever. dusk is everlasting, dawn lingers eternally - both patiently wait. but these things also mean stagnation, they understand. ]

What moves this world... is us. Every precious heart that fills it, without which... without which... we have Lily. Would Lily have grown up to be like me if all of you were in his life?

[Sinclair is quiet for a moment, watching the petals dance. He's aware of Hani's love, all encompassing and passionate. He's leaned into it more than once. He understands]

...I don't know. Lily...had a chance, I think. I don't know the details, but he did reach out, didn't he? To Barrett, to all of us. And while he was stopped at first...I think Lily's choices are still his own. Maybe he's learning from our worse selves, maybe he was programmed only to take things from the worst parts of us...

[Sinclair reaches up to brush the petals out of Hani's hair]

But you're right. I'm sure I had another reason once...but I only came back here again and again for the people I loved.

[ they close their eyes and let him. ]

Whereas I was blank and willing to accept everything out of mild curiosity and vague interest, Lily said he’s only ever been made of things others put in him.

[ the difference then is hani allowed it and lily had no choice… ]

[He pets Hani's hair. If Hani wants to rest against him, he can. Sinclair will hold them both up]

If that's true...we all had a darkness in us he drew on...did it begin with Harald Hoerwick? Are we to blame for making him darker?

Edited 2023-11-06 08:59 (UTC)

[ … blame… hm. they smile and reach up. emil’s familia, beloved face is caressed gently as hani keeps their eyes on him. memorizing the lines of it, the shades of him. ]

Perhaps it did begin with him, but no, we are not to blame. I don’t believe anyone is to blame, and we should not dwell on that - like he dwells on it. We are capable of so much more. He might have sought the darkness in us because he didn’t know how - didn’t think to look at the light.

But we know how. We can show him. Not just to grasp light, but to hold it with darkness because both are necessary. We are not made to be perfected by light nor shrouded by darkness. We are made to love.

[ they lean up and kiss him, a kiss of love right on the lips. ]

If I stay here, there will always be a Hani that loves Emil. Always.

Light and dark, together, huh? I feel like someone told me that once upon a time too.

[Sinclair reaches up to hold Hani's hand there, cupping their hand against his face. He leans into the kiss, and let himself hold Hani's warmth and love close.]

...and wherever I go, there will always be 'Emil' that will stay with 'Hani' too.

[He feels a strange feeling rising in his throat. It's not a goodbye, but strangely, it feels like one. He leans a little more into Hani's hand]

I wonder, if we can bring Zelkova back and let him unite with Lily, Lily will understand there was someone reaching for him all along too. Before we came.

[ they hum thoughtfully. ]

Zelkova-kun seemed… gravely injured from the traces we could fine. I fear the only person who could hurt him at that level is… Lily. [ and. ] Lily would not leave him to die alone - Lily would watch. Lily would… keep him. That’s what I think.

[ … ]

A proper reunion would help, but only if we can find Lily’s heart first. I’m not sure where it is right now, but it might be growing in Master.

...in Fandaniel? I thought he would be...'the one who aids the wave'.

[ He's trying to piece things together, but he already knows: nothing Lily has told people can be taken at its word. Everything had a purpose, one way or another. And not all of those people were willing to share.

But he knew this: there was a danger of hearts not beating in their rightful place]

...Hani. If that's the case...Fandaniel might not be who you made that promise to for much longer.

Edited 2023-11-07 09:40 (UTC)

No, my love. I mean in the same way you hold my heart.

[ or justy, always. ]

But… you are right. Lily doesn’t know how to hold back, even with the people he loves. Soon he’ll overtake Master, and then… we will lose him as he is.

[ it already pains them to think about it. but lily’s programs will not be stopped. ]

For a time? I hope it’s only that short.

[Sinclair shakes his head. He thinks...Lily doesn't know compassion, and Fandaniel...

Did Fandaniel really hold Lily's heart in the same way?

Something was different there. But did it matter anymore? What was done was done]

...whether he's someone who aids the wave or another 'phase'...Hani, you'll be there to reach him. [Squeezing Hani's hands] You seem to be one of the few he cares for.

He cares for a lot of people. He has a very kind heart. He…

[ they pause, confused. their thoughts stutter to a stop. ]

I… don’t remember the rest, but my heart tells me all this is true.

[ they slowly squeeze his hands back. ]

And I can trust my heart because you do. Will you not be there at all of the fights, Emil-kun?

[ however many there ends up being. ]

I know. Or you wouldn't love him so. [ Sinclair leans forward to press a kiss to Hani's forehead. He wont tell Hani what they both know: Sinclair is not one of those people.]

I will be there, where I can. When I'm needed. I'll come running.

[He's not invincible, and he had barely made it to speak his heart to Mithrun. If something were to go wrong in this next fight...he would have to make sure he would fight harder]

[ they’re quiet for a long moment, just gazing at their joined hands. ]

I wish… I could you not to come, to stay safe. But I won’t because I like how you are. I know how capable you are - your heart shines bright and fierce. I am very proud of you. Very, very proud. So I will not ask those things.

[Sinclair looks down too and gently leans in to rest his forehead against Hani's]

...thank you, Hani. [warm, gentle] I love you. And I love the way you see the world. So...when you go to speak to Fandaniel, when you speak to Lily...I hope you can do it with your heart true to everything you are. Fandaniel thinks I have the stench of death. Me, Mithrun Oria...and maybe he's right. [Death seemed to be interwoven in the memories he's written in his journals, bestowed to him in Michel's letter]..but you're different to him.

[He believes in Hani, and whatever choices Hani wants to make]

[ closed ] catch-all

hani & sinclair, after tarvos/macha battle!

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