altimit | .:Oh shit it's November:.

Give me a minute...

[ He is, most certainly, overwhelmed. His mind is churning in circles much too much to even make sense of things, thoughts skittering from one place to the next too quickly to make sense of anything.

His fingers move restlessly, stroking over the back of Ganymede's hands. Possibly soothingly. Certainly restlessly touching the ring Ganymede still wears, lightly and disbelieving. ]

C-can we even get married here...?

[ But that's not a worry that Ganymede needs to deal with. He tries to rein in his runaway thoughts again and clears his throat softly. ]

I... I did promise you that I would stay by your side, this time. And I meant... every word.

[ Ganymede suddenly blurts out: ]

I-I want to get married not only just here! Just...just to make it clear. Not only just here, if we can get married here at all, but especially when we return back home. I don't remember much about Greece, but, I...

[ His memories are a mess, but he sees himself in his messages talking about his home and the descriptions, the pictures...they don't match any place in Fragment.

And now with that singular memory back thanks to the Gorre fight, he has a taste of his former life, in its most bitter state, but one nonetheless. A red-haired male, smiling at him like the sun god, though even with himself restrained in that room, he saw a light brighter than that smile, outside a window, into a world that looks nothing like this one. ]

I'm happy, that you're keen on honoring that promise. That you mean every word, and that you still...want that.

[ The gentle strokes against his hands, are, of course very welcome in this, even as they touch featherlight over his ring. His emotions are running wild, but warm, and also embarrassingly like he's going to get mushy and affection over Michel, so maybe it isn't surprising that he kisses him, lightly, gently, on the lips. ]

[ If they can get married at all. Michel remembers all of it in perfect clarity and knows the considerations. They could get married right now, in the real world... if he sets aside the steps he needs to take for himself. His name, his identity. He swallows and shakes his head briefly.

Before they were trapped, it was all so clear in his mind. What he needed to do for himself. How he would go to Greece, how he would win Ganymede over all over again — unnecessarily, even. What their wedding would look like, even if it had no legal standing. Now... Can he still believe in that image? In himself?

He no longer believes he's someone who belongs at Ganymede's side. He had, before this... tentatively, but still. He remembers but can't rekindle the feeling. ]

It... may not be as simple as you're imagining.

[ But this is like the promise he made before, isn't it? Ganymede isn't looking for his logic and his rationality. He's looking for Michel's heart, the one thing Michel no longer believes in his own knowledge of.

He swallows hard. And he thinks of the clear nervousness in the way Ganymede looked at him, the way Ganymede's kiss is so light against his lips. He isn't the only one afraid. He still... has to tell him properly. ]

...Y-yes. I do... I do still mean that. Deeply. I want to stay with you. In, in whatever form that takes...

[ THEY CAN GET MARRIED IN GREECE TOO WITHOUT ALL OF THAT THANKS TO A LOOPHOLE........though, to be fair, Michel doesn't know that, and Ganymede was going to mention it, but then he lost his memory so it is a terrible thing he can't bring that up now, huh. What fun!

He hears those words, hesitant. Then, a conversation not too long ago passes through his head. About Michel's lack of certainty, but he hadn't sounded hopeless at all. Struggling, but still hopeful. ]

...Then, then...

[ Ganymede stumbles, as he doesn't know how to assuage the demons inside of Michel's head just yet, and maybe he can't. But, maybe Michel can gain the courage to face it all without flinching once more with courage in his heart. The hurt caused, to him, to others, to his loved ones. To also look towards the unknown waiting ahead with certainty.

...Or so he hopes. Maybe that is why instead of dismay or despair, he looks at Michel with a gentle look in his eyes, and continues. ]

That's what matters the most, doesn't it? We're still here, together. We've stuck it out this far, even through what's happened.

I know...that you're trying. I can't pretend that things are like before, and neither can you.

But, it doesn't mean it's impossible. Our union doesn't have to be complicated, either. If we say it happened, no matter what anyone thinks, what we believe is more important, isn't it? So...even if you can't imagine the light of the other world easily, or believe we can manage this celebration of our partnership ourselves...

Let's still keep working towards it, and until then, believe in me. I'll carry that faith for the both of us, until we make it all happen. Or until you can believe again.

[ He shifts his hands so he can lightly squeeze Michel's in turn. It's not as bombastic as he likes, but if he can put at least a spark in his beloved's heart, even a little, then he'll settle for that. ]

[ Fun discoveries (positive, for once??) for them when they get back to the real world.

He watches Ganymede stumbling through his explanation, that gentle look in his eyes. Ganymede always, always is so determined. And he still refuses to be the one who takes that from him. He leans down to press a light kiss to his forehead and then hesitates again. ]

This is... the worst time for me to explain myself properly, isn't it...?

[ Right in the middle of Ganymede's proposal, no less. Which... he does think he accepted properly, at least. Though it probably bears repeating. He turns his hands a little in Ganymede's to just allow him to hold them as Michel turns over his words. ]

I can picture the other world. I believe... that there is a future ahead of this. What I can't picture any longer is myself. All of these memories, of my life, of that time as Gorre... I no longer know who I am. I can't imagine who the person standing by your side is supposed to be, now or in that future. It's like picturing a silhouette, or a shadow.

[ And how he goes about beginning to rebuild that... He nuzzles a tiny bit at Ganymede's hair, soft and beginning to warm again in the heat of the fire. ]

...I cannot draw my image of myself from what's reflected by the people around me. When I wrote those letters, I was thinking— I was thinking that I could preserve something, that I could offer it back to the people I loved. But all I could do is impose my own limited interpretation on all of you. I realized, after Gorre... every person telling me who I am, that my cruelty was understandable, that I am kind, that I am loved, that I am flawed but worthwhile, that I am human, that... [ He trails off again; there are too many. ] ...All of them... sound like those whispers in my ear now. That I never truly understood myself. That I will never know. And if even a single part of Gorre came from me, then I wish—

[ He falters and draws in a slow breath. He's veering away from the topic and into murkier waters. He finally curls his hand around Ganymede's again, lifting it so he can press a gentle kiss to the back of it.

He knows Ganymede now much better than he knows himself. He's certain he doesn't need to ask Ganymede if he's certain. If Michel is really the one he wants. If this is worthwhile to him. But he's so desperately afraid to ask him what Michel it is that he envisions. How fragile is he right now, and how easily will he simply be overwritten again by whatever is reflected back at him? He doesn't, in his heart, believe he hated himself before this. But now... ]

It's something... I can only work through for myself. Things cannot be like they were before, it's true. I don't know if I will ever trust in myself again. But... I believe in you. And I believe you deserve happiness. [ Even if he can't, won't understand why he's still part of that. ] I will keep moving forward with you. ...I want to see that for myself. Even now.

Edited 2023-11-19 06:38 (UTC)

...Maybe.

[ This truly is horrid timing. Ganymede had been hoping that it would be something uplifting, joyful...at the worst, just surprising, maybe. Still, there are probably worse times, right?

But, part of Michel's struggles are different than simply confronting what's ahead, not because he doesn't think he could make it. Though, to be fair, he had an inkling he would be struggling over what happened as a result of Gorre. So, frankly put:

None of what he is saying here is surprising. It's the depth of this, that has Ganymede almost feel like at a loss, but even that doesn't last long. Never does.

Maybe it's because, even though their experiences wildly differ, that he could never say he was made to lose control to turn himself to hurt those he loved, he knows...if their positions were reversed, Michel would pour every ounce of himself into supporting him.

Yet, with every single piece of affection Michel gives that warms him deeply, fills Ganymede with undeniable happiness, his own heart grows darker with enmity towards everyone who has harmed him. A hatred that is nursed with each and every word that has fallen from Michel's lips. It makes him think, that for the pain of it all, Apollo certainly hadn't been right. Hatred is more than 'a good way to spend time'.

Ganymede can't allow anyone to touch him again. And those who had ought to have suffered the way he has. But, of them all, he knows it's prudent to grant Cubia a quick death. So, that will be the first step.

Then, the others will come after. ]

Some people will never understand who they are, and are defeated by their own shadows. You're not like that. This is far different from that, even if it doesn't feel like otherwise.

And those letters...it helped more than you might realize. I even spoke about it with Yuui, before we had to come to the Cathedral. We were happy—so happy, that you thought to give those, to leave those behind. Even if at the time, you didn't intend for those to be a message of a hope, we took it exactly as that. That, at least, some part of you didn't want to let go. That you gave back to us something which was stolen away.

Though I know...you'll have to carry the weight of everything all on your hands. So, if these words can't reach you just yet, just know—

I'll always believe in you. Believe in that you'll be able to work past what has happened, and even when you're feeling overwhelmed, like you're about to stumble...you know that I'll be here. Ready to do all I can for you. So that one day when you see all of that for yourself, you can also understand at that time you deserve as much happiness as I do.

Because it isn't like you deserved to have yourself turned into your own worst enemy either. And I will always love you, no matter what, Michel...my dear, my love—my everything.

[ His words are spoken gently, even now, feeling his resolve strengthen, but he pulls his hands back so he can envelope Michel in a hug, hold him close. Michel might be fragile still, but Ganymede truly does believe he can get through this again. One day, he truly will be able to stand on his own feet, look at those shadows, and be not afraid to understand himself in his entirety. ]

[ He'd been braced for more words of reassurance that would still land painfully — and he doesn't blame anyone for that but himself, when he's so poorly-equipped right now to explain what triggers which reactions. But Ganymede picks his path with care and precision, and the slight tension melts away from Michel's shoulders again. ]

I meant... for them to be comforting, at the least. I had hopes for all of you. [ That they could hold onto themselves, that they could stay safe. Some of that had been dashed, but... ] I accepted whatever would be necessary to be certain Gorre was gone for good. But before he seized control, it isn't that I wanted to leave you. No matter how many doubts he left me with in the days leading up to... everything.

[ Eating away at his memories, undermining all the parts of him that could have had faith in his own survival. That could have seen it as a positive thing if he did. Now, well... The situation has fundamentally changed. And he can never know what parts of him might have permanently been lost. But he is still here, and so many people keep reaching out a hand to him and waiting for him to take it so they can tug him onward.

He relaxes into that gentle hug, just taking in the warmth of it for a moment before he shifts a little. He can still do this with his blade brandier stats, can't he? He tries to tug Ganymede up into his lap and wrap his arms around him properly, although the boldness of the gesture makes him blush again. ]

I-I should have told you this first. [ Before short-circuiting. ] ...The ring is beautiful. I love it. And I love you, Ganymede. I may... always be the gloomy kind of person who thinks of all the practical impossibilities before everything else. But, truly... you've made me happy.

[ Ganymede really isn't all that good at being delicate, but for Michel, he tries so hard, and he is willing to try as hard as he can. For him, he'll do practically anything.

He'll even kill for Michel and that is not an exaggeration. That said, seeing the way he relaxes, it's a relief. It's also something of one when Michel says that he didn't want to leave them. He had suspected, even if all along Michel might have started feeling differently following Gorre's complete takeover. It's probably one of the few times he is right and proud of it. ]

...I know. I remember those words you imparted to me, and somehow, I thought that with everything that happened, you going away, or even leaving our lives for good...that's not what you intended even as you wrote those letters.

[ He thinks back to when Gorre tried to get in one last word. Even then he refuted that too. That comment about 'immaterial' or whatever it was. Whatever the case, Michel is here now, and he gives the best hugs; proven when he is hefted straight into his lap, which does net an unintended little laugh from him. In mild surprise, but also happiness, as he leans into him, rubbing his face against the crook of Michel's neck. The bold gesture is more than welcome. ]

Fortunately for the both of us, I'll also let you know this little secret:

Gloomy men are exactly my type.

A-Anyway, I was really waiting for you to give those details about the ring, and um, it's an Alexandrite. In case you didn't know. Also. it's good to know you like it a lot...and that I can make you happy at all. I'll be making sure to keep it up. You look really beautiful when you smile, after all.

[ It's hard to fully retrace his mental state when he'd written those. At that point he had thought the parting would be inevitable. And he wonders, as long as he's in Fragment, if he'll ever quite be free of the creeping doubt that some piece of Gorre is still dormant deep inside him. That as long as he survives, there's no certainty Gorre is gone...

But if he allows himself to be selfish, then: he deeply wanted to stay with these people he's come to cherish, and who have shown him so much love in turn, for so little reason. He leans his cheek against Ganymede's hair to snuggle him a little smugly, letting out one tiny flustered noise. ]

W-what's gotten into you today...?

[ Compliment after compliment... Did anyone really like gloomy men? He's a little dizzied by the onslaught, and at a loss for how to return it. ]

If... if I've given you a reason to doubt how happy I was, I... the fault is mine. [ No, hm. What he's trying to say is, he'll work harder to make certain Ganymede doesn't feel the need to question it. His hand finds Ganymede's again so he can twine their fingers together. ] B-but that's enough about me already. Why alexandrite...?

[ Ganymede likes his jewelry craft, and he's likely been waiting to give those details. Even if it's something as simple as the color, or something like that... he'd like to hear everything that he's interested in. ]

I'm just so full of love, I feel like sharing it with you?

[ Ganymede doesn't know how else to answer, feeling the light movement help in his cuddling, but he is happy to have flustered Michel so. It's adorable, seeing him like this...well, not literally because he isn't exactly looking at his face right now, but that noise is the farthest sound from composure. ]

No, wait a minute, before we move on...I'm not blaming you for that. [ But he gives Michel's hand a squeeze after he has found his. ] Also I chose that because I feel like it represents us somehow. Bright and dark colors.

[ There was another reason, but it remains too far away from him. He thinks back to the 'memory' he had regained from the battle, believing somewhere in his heart that it might have something to do with that, instinctually. Though the time of his captivity leave nothing that sticks out. Green is important to him somehow, but not because of Apollo's eyes (he hates those, most of all) ... it was something else. ]

...And another reason, maybe, but green is important to me in another way.

[ Ugh. He could believe that, actually, as embarrassing as it is. Ganymede practically overflowing with affection...

With one arm around Ganymede and the other hand caught holding his, he has no way to put a palm over Ganymede's mouth. Alas. He just has to deal with this outpouring of love and do his best not to fidget. It's not unpleasant. But it is deeply flustering. He squeezes Ganymede's hand a tiny bit again. ]

Bright and dark. I suppose... that is like us.

[ The contrast they've always had. He looks down at the ring again, over Ganymede's head, and turns it a little to see the way the color shifts in the light. Green isn't his color... but he does associate it with Ganymede, and he likes it as a result. ]

It... reminds me a bit of your eyes. I like that, too.

[ He doubts that's Ganymede's reason, which he hopes to hear someday, if the memory returns to him. But it's certainly his. ]

[ Is Ganymede sparkling a bit more now after all of that, including the hand squeeze? No...perish the thought, so that when he pulls his head back, his big blue eyes aren't even bigger from being happy to hear all of that. That Michel thinks, no, agrees that it's like them.

That's the intention behind it. The blond smiles wide and then just kisses the other male on his nose, and both his cheeks. Mwah, ninja-style. Did Michel see it coming?

But, there is also a soft blush on his face too. From the commentary about his eyes. He thinks, maybe that might be it. He had thought for a while his eyes were always blue, up until potentially this point. The memory that had him in real life gave him enough of an indication of what he looked like, except... ]

Maybe I was thinking of that too? ...Subconsciously, or something like that?

[ Still, this little spot of happiness is something he wants to treasure, even the rough parts. ]

And, well, thanks for the compliment. That was really sweet of you.

[ Michel might have seen it coming... And Ganymede probably foresaw the bright blush flooding Michel's cheeks as his lips brush them, right? Michel doesn't have any defenses against this onslaught, and he's only getting more overwhelmed by the second.

With a tiny indignant noise he puts his hand to the back of Ganymede's neck and pulls him in for a firm kiss to shush him. Unfortunately... this strategy can only work for so long. He needs to breathe eventually. ]

H-have mercy already...

[ He's glad — deeply glad that Ganymede is so happy. But if he gets any more embarrassed, he's going to sink into the seat and Ganymede might never find him again. ]

[ Totally. It's actually been awhile since he has been able to make Michel so flustered, it is kind of wonderfully nostalgic. He wonders if he truly would be able to make Michel want to hide his face again too.

But he doesn't get that far at the moment when he gets kissed a bit hard, a soft 'mmph' leaving him, though it isn't like he doesn't like that either. His cheeks are a deeper flush too. ]

This isn't me being merciful?

[ ...Alright now he is just being cheeky. He laughs a little too, though, moving to rest his head against Michel's shoulder. ]

[ Michel narrows his eyes suspiciously and pokes at Ganymede's cheek. He sees that mischievous little smile. Ganymede absolutely knows that he's full of lies right now. ]

Which part is merciful?!

[ Ganymede just likes seeing him squirm. But when Ganymede snuggles down against him, he turns his head to hide his face against Ganymede's hair. ]

...Do you... should I... I-I don't know what you want from me, Ganymede. I'm not graceful with things like that. If... if you need me to say those compliments aloud more, then... could you tell me what you need?

[ Ganymede grins for a moment when his cheek is poked, thereby proving Michel's point. Instead of saying so, he instead has the audacity to say: ]

All of it, of course.

[ He certainly does. Kind of. But, jokes aside, he loves the feeling of Michel cuddling close to him (even if it is just to hide in his hair.) Though, the question surprises him. ]

Michel, I just want you to be yourself, and to be with me, showing me your love in your own way. That's all I need. I fell in love with you for who you are. I'd...be happy to hear you give me compliments, but only when you feel it's natural.

[ Ganymede is nearly entirely audacity by volume. Michel can't even be surprised anymore. But luckily, with his face tucked into Ganymede's hair like this, no one will catch him in the act of a tiny smile. ]

I'm always thinking them. It's only... that I don't know how to say them.

[ Is that natural, or unnatural? The sentiment comes as easily as breathing, even though he's never been that sort of person. But the rest... He lets out a quiet sigh and squeezes Ganymede's hand a little. ]

I never want you to doubt that I love you.

[ ...oh. That makes his heart race even faster, though. But, in a good way. ]

When you feel less shy about them, you can try to put it into words, even if it might sound clumsy.

[ Ganymede teases, with affection. But, at the rest? He feels the gentle squeeze of the hand clutching his own, and begins to lightly run a thumb over a bit of that hand in a gentle caress. ]

...You have your own way of showing it. And besides, you accepted my proposal, even when you didn't have to. Though, now that I think of it, there is something I'd like for you to do for me...

I think you only want to laugh at me.

[ The smile in his voice likely outweighs the little grumble. He doesn't really mind. Ganymede teasing him is how they started talking, after all...

It feels so good to have those memories back again. ]

I-I'm not petty enough to say "no" only because you asked first...

[ But he still thinks... If they make it back to the real world, he'd like to do it properly. Not soon. But when they're both recovered, when he's met Ganymede's family, when they've had time...

That little request pulls him out of the daydream that threatens to drag him back in, and he straightens a little, blinking down at Ganymede. ]

What is it?

Hmmmm...we'll see!

[ Ganymede always just finds it easy to be himself around Michel. Like how he was when he was...well, the memory is missing, but he thinks once upon a time he was less distant with people, and that will have to be good enough. ]

Oh, it's only this.

[ Small fingers reach up to lightly grab a hold of the other's nose, before letting go, and then he slides out of Michel's grasp, racing to the door of the lodge. Don't ask how he has so much energy. ]

If you want your nose back, come and make snow angels with me!

What is your fascination with my nose?!

[ How Ganymede manages to be a perpetual motion machine is a mystery for the ages.

But... it's nice. Michel can't match that energy, but he can bask in the warmth of it. Seeing Ganymede so lively again after everything that's happened soothes him. He doesn't try to hide the smile he shoots after him as he follows towards the lodge door at a more serene pace. ]

You're going to be cold again within a minute...

It gets a cute reaction from you every time!

[ Ganymede practically shouts, door opening wide to the lodge outdoors, tackling the cold air with a seemingly unmatched exuberance. Though he turns on the heel of one foot facing Michel, hands behind his back, smile pulled wide. His expression is bright as the white snow beneath their feet. ]

When I get cold, I'll just have you warm me up again afterwards, right?

[ Then he moves his hands and hurries on forward still, until deciding to plop backwards against the mounds of snow with a little laugh. Come join him, Michel. ]

Are we going to go in and out all day?

[ Noted indoor cat Michel really had been envisioning something more along the lines of just curling up on the couches together and never moving again... But he smiles to himself as he follows in the path Ganymede has plowed through the snow. For a moment he considers changing his clothes back to the more outdoor-friendly... but he'll accept the ravages of the snow against his coat, he supposes. It's not such unusual weather for him.

For a few moments he just looks down at Ganymede, expression in that resting coolness that Michel always defaults to without realizing. But he's committing the sight to memory, Ganymede smiling in the snow, before he finally sinks down beside him with a little huff. ]

I was thinking about it, but that'd probably not be a good idea.

Your wrinkle lines and sulky face would grow bigger.

[ Not to mention Ganymede is not immune to the cold and sadly catches them swiftly in chilly winter. Not even his stubbornness can tough out his non-immunity to freezing temperatures...

When he sees Michel's resting bitch face, though? He can't help but look up at him brightly. He likes that about him too. That comment about liking Gloomy Men hasn't been just artifice. So, there he goes, making snow angels in the snow with Michel, moving his arms, up until whenever they're done (probably indicative when Ganymede starts sneezing and coughing...) ]

...That's fine. You're the one who has to live with looking at them.

[ He doesn't see his own face, so it's not a Michel problem. Just for that, Ganymede gets the tiniest hint of a smirk.

It's a silly and frivolous way to spend the day. It doesn't at all capture the gravity of the fact that he believes he just got engaged, or that there are more life-and-death battles ahead of them, that he no longer has any reason to trust whether it will be possible for them to leave this game.

And yet? It's perfect. For just a little while he can forget about everything except the fact that — whoever he is, whatever future awaits them — he does still remember how to feel simple happiness. ]

.:Oh shit it's November:.

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we can probs wrap here!!

SLAPS A CUTE BLUE BOW ON IT