altimit | catch all >> october

[ Back again to the Sieden Hotsprings, only this time Fandaniel won't be sitting in the springs themselves. No, he's taken up space in one of the inn's rooms, sliding paper door left open, already having ordered an entire carafe of sake for them, and he fits in rather delightfully with the decor in the yukata skin he'd picked up from the GP Shop.

Honestly, he should go back for some more of those. Stress shopping... so good... but for now, he'd rather focus on giving Hector a chance to unwind, even if it's only drinking and venting in a comfortable locale.

Because here's the thing, for as much as he professes not believing any of them when they say they care about him, the same never goes both ways; he does care, if clumsily, and he does care about Hector, too, in his own ways, although whether Hector will appreciate that, well...

In any case, the NPCs will show Hector to where Fandaniel is chilling and ask if he'd like anything else brought over before they leave. ]

[ When Hector shows up, that something's off is immediately obvious.

It's in the way he walks, aimless. It's in the way he carries himself smaller than normal, the way his eyes rest unfocused in the middle distance. The way he dismisses the NPCs and refuses any extra drinks, and how he doesn't really acknowledge Fandaniel until he's sitting right beside him.

He kicks off his shoes, his gloves, messily undoes his robe. His pants stay on, for what it's worth—he's just making himself comfortable—and most notably, he doesn't immediately reach for the sake.

His gaze lifts and rests on Fandaniel. His eyes are tired, and the way the grief sits on his face makes him look older. For all the fuss he kicked up on the forums, he's quiet. ]

[ It's almost as if the grief is visibly dripping from the poor man, the way he carries himself, the silence, the exhaustion, and rather than trying to hand off a cup of sake to the poor man, he instead turns to give him one look over, and holds an arm out, offering a hug, a shoulder to lean on, even cry on, if he wants. ]

You poor oaf... come here.

[ There's nothing else to be said now that he sees Hector in-person. It's much more dire than he had anticipated. ]

[ Fandaniel's offer only hangs in the air for a fraction of a second before Hector leans in and takes the arm, pulling him into a tight, tight hug. He shudders in his exhale, but tears won't come—he's cried too much already—but he still buries his face in the crook of Fandaniel's neck.

He feels like it shouldn't be affecting him as much as it is... They barely knew each other, in the grand scheme of things. They didn't know each other for very long. But god almighty does it hurt.

And so he's deeply grateful for what Fandaniel has to offer him. Even if he can't really voice it right now. ]

[ And Fandaniel will remain there, wrapping his own arms around Hector in return, and letting him cling to him as long as he wants, as long as he needs. There are no pointless attempts to comfort him beyond the hug, no words, nothing else, only this.

There isn't anything he could say that would make this better. In the end, that'll be up to Hector, to find his peace, but until then... ]

[ Hector doesn't cry, but the tension that wracked his body palpably melts in Fandaniel's arms. The silence, the hold is enough for him. He doesn't know if it's okay, but it's feeling the warmth of another that tells him it is.

Eventually, with a little sigh, he pulls back. There's guilt, an apology on his face as he takes in Fandaniel's pretty little features. ]

I'm sorry. [ It's hard to tell if he genuinely is, or if he feels like he needs to say it. ] I...probably said some rude things to you on the forums.

[ He doesn't remember. ]

[ An apology to which Fandaniel can only shake his head. ]

Do not think of it. I tried my best not to become rude, as well, only... [ He offers a helpless shrug. ] I would say we are all in a poor mood but that's quite the understatement, isn't it?

[ Hector gives a hollow laugh, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes. His arms slip from Fandaniel as he sits and slumps in place. ]

Yeah. Of the century. I didn't realize how bad everything's gotten.

[ Made only worse knowing Yael is gone.

He absently digs a fingernail into the tatami. ]

It feels like...we're at each other's throats when we should be working together.

[ The fight at the meeting, the incendiary comments on the forums... He knows everyone's tense, but it shouldn't be like this. ]

Hard to work together when the goal is so far out of our grasp. So many wish to leave this place, but how? They do not know, so they become angry and throw blame every which way to see if it sticks.

[ He reaches out to lay a hand on Hector's, to still the picking at the tatami mat. ]

I fear that CC Corp has it programmed to continue getting worse and worse. There is no end to their cruelty.

[ Hector is sympathetic, and he sees that. Emotions are running high—even for him—and who can think properly when everyone wants to fight?

His hands still under Fandaniel's, and he looks up at him. ]

I kind of get that feeling.

[ As much as he hates to admit it... ]

What do you think they're trying to accomplish with all this? What's... What's the point?

That's the thing, though. There isn't. There is no point. We are all bickering when the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

[ Did Fandaniel's voice sound... glitchy there? For a second? It was brief, a flicker in tone, but gone again the next second. Maybe it was just Hector's imagination or the game being weird again.

Fandaniel grips his hands and will pick them up to hold in his if Hector allows it. ]

No one is coming to save us, my dear Hector. Would you rather not be comfortable instead of struggling like this? Is there truly anything out there for you to return to, even if by some slim chance, you find a way back?

[ Emotionally vulnerable and with his walls down, Hector feels...somewhat receptive to what Fandaniel says. The glitchy tone to his voice catches him more off-guard than anything—where he might argue that there will always be another way, he's more focused on that little blip.

That was weird.

And he's further distracted by the way Fandaniel tightens his grip; Hector returns the favor, gently grasping his hands to hold them. ]

There's so much to live for. [ He says this like it's obvious, like he has not once questioned it in his life. ] My family, my good friends at home... I bet they're worried sick right now.

[ One of them, at least, is rich enough to make the impromptu flight from NYC to San Francisco. ]

And there's my job, the temps that come back every year, the park... I could never leave any of those behind.

[ ... ]

Or you, if you ever decide to come Stateside.

[ He hasn't forgotten that. ]

[ There's a pause. He remembered that? He's still thinking of it? It brings Fandaniel up short for a brief breath of time, only a moment, and it leaves him inclining his head to one side, peering up at Hector quizzically. ]

You... actually want me there?

[ Because surely all that talk about getting out of here and visiting was all pretense to getting in one another's pants which, admittedly, doesn't take much pretense to begin with, so, perhaps not. ]

And if your desire to live out there, in that world, does not come to fruition? What then? What happens when you finally realize we have been abandoned to this place instead?

[ Hector meets Fandaniel's gaze with a little smile, the best he can muster considering...everything, really. Of course he remembered. Of course he had flashes in his mind of driving him through the trees to a scenic mountain top, where they could watch the sunset. Just like he did with—

And so to his question, he nods readily. He's a man of his word. ] Of course.

[ But his sentiment is quickly put to the side—Fandaniel continues with his questions.

Hector's brows twitch into a frown. There is...admittedly, a very real possibility that the other man's what-ifs are going to come to pass, but Hector has a very, very hard time accepting that. There's a little bubble of frustration in him. How can anyone give in so easily? ]

There has to be another way. [ He avoids the questions entirely. He sits firmly in the little sliver of hope he didn't know he had. ] We'll figure this out. We just—we just need to remember that we're in this together.

[ Unwillingness to accept other possibilities. Frustrated by it, even. Insistent regarding finding a way, some way, any way. Yes, Fandaniel anticipated this response. Why, it's only human, is it not? ]

I do not ask you to cease searching for an escape, dear Hector.

[ He gives his hands a comforting squeeze, although the smile he offers the man does not quite reach his eyes. Instead, those are intent, sharp, watching him closely, so very closely, as though he desired to commit every little emotion that crosses his face to memory. ]

I only ask what you will do if this way out never reveals itself to us. Please, consider it.

[ Hector tilts his head at that smile. One of his own tugs at his lips but never quite forms. He's worried, he's grieving, he's upset, he's frustrated. To give in and just...give up seems wrong. It feels wrong.

He gently pries a hand away to scrub it over his face, offering him a moment to let all his emotions swirl in him, and a moment to find his composure. ]

I...admit, Fandaniel, I'm having a hard time accepting that would ever happen, because part of me is always going to cling to the hope that we will.

[ He drops his hand again to place it back in Fandaniel's grasp, and the conflicting feelings are obvious on his face. ]

But we...we can't keep living like we are now. It's too chaotic and too dangerous. We'd have to build something new, from the ground up, so that everyone stays out of harm. [ The light in his eyes wavers at the thought—it's hard to tell if he's motivated or disheartened by the prospect. ]

If that happens...would you help?

[ Build something new, yes, yes, that was precisely what he was trying to say Lily would do, and yet! He won't say that, though. He won't rattle Hector's cage like that, although his smile becomes much more genuine when he asks him that.

If that happens, would he help? A question Fandaniel already has an answer to. It's what he's wanted from, well, from when the idea itself felt like it could become real. ]

If it happens, I will be by your side helping every step of the way. You should have known that already. If this is to be our home, I want to shape it in a way that would make us all safe and happy.

[ Is this the first time he's seen a genuine smile out of him? Hector blinks; they've been on relatively good terms (lol), but he thinks this might be a first. And you know what? Fandaniel's kind of cute when he smiles like that.

Anyway. ]

That makes me happy to hear, Fandaniel. Truly. [ His tone is sincere to match the genuine hue in Fandaniel's smile, though he can't quite muster a smile of his own. ] I'd thank you, but...that there's no way out isn't a foregone conclusion yet. There's still hope.

[ And he's still tired.

His hands slip from Fandaniel's as he unfolds himself over the tatami, the rush cold on his back. He stares blankly at the ceiling.

[ Fandaniel lets him go, watching him lay himself out on the tatami mats, and once he does, he'll shift over closer but he won't reach out again. Instead, he simply asks, ]

Would you like to sleep? I have the potion for it.

A potion?

[ He sounds like he wasn't expecting that. His eyebrow raises briefly, but...why would he take the easy way out, when he can go the route he normally resorts to in a situation like this? ]

Nah. [ He says, straining as he rolls over to grab the flask of sake. ] I'll just knock myself out.

[ Were there cups to share...? Sorry, Funny Dan, you're getting Hector at his (near) worst, and so he takes a big swig from the flask itself. ]

If you wish to take your time with it, very well.

[ Mr. Funny Dan won't stop him. Hector is an adult and he's allowed to make adult choices, even if they are poor ones. Besides, the deep sleep potion would have put him out for a whole 24 hours. Perhaps he would have needed that... or perhaps he would have panicked at seeing how much time was lost.

It varies from person to person. Regardless, Fandaniel will remain and even wave the inn's NPCs down for a second carafe of sake as well as some food for himself. At least one of them is going to soak up that alcohol with something edible. ]

I'll take care of you until you're sober again.

[ As he downs the last of the first carafe, Hector gives a hoarse little laugh. He feels the burn, but not the kick yet. Soon enough, though. Soon enough. He won't be awake for much longer (unfortunately, he knows what he's doing). ]

You're so sweet. [ He means this sincerely, despite the way he doesn't look at Fandaniel, despite the way his tone is laden with upset, despite the way he's already reaching for the second carafe. And that, too, is going to go down just as quickly.

It won't be long before he's out, whether genuinely asleep or unconscious hardly matters. He's going to feel awful when he wakes up (or so he thinks), and maybe that's just the thing he needs. ]

[ And Fandaniel will simply allow him to drink his way too quickly through far too strong sake for this. It's better that he passes out in the inn at the hot springs, though, as it has its own effect attached: to soothe the nerves and anxieties of those who rest here. Hector will have a peaceful rest, sleep or blackout-drunk-turned-sleep, and Fandaniel will stay with him, just as he said.

Once Hector is out, he carefully moves him around to slide a pillow under his head and pull a blanket over his body, and that's that. He will eventually retire himself to the room's futon, which would have been a better option for passing out but, well... at least the mats aren't uncomfortable. Sleep tight, sad drunk Hector. Tomorrow will still be terrible. ]

catch all >> october

for Hector

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject