(Catch all) Ominous October Threads

[insinning]

Who: Sinclair and You.
What: Dungeon runs, trauma bonding etc
When: All throughout October.
Warnings: Gore, Emeto, Psychological horror in one thread, NSFW stuff in another

“I see now that the path I choose through the maze makes me what I am. I am not only a thing, but also a way of being—one of many ways—and knowing the paths I have followed and the ones left to take will help me understand what I am becoming.”

Comments

[tablescraps]

( Pet... he touches his neck, fingers brushing along the gemstone choker there - or is it a collar?

There is a vague sense of Mithrun, as he normally is, in his expression. )

He didn't convince me. That might be why... if what I recall as true isn't true... ( if ) that might be why he's doing this by force.

I asked him questions... I don't have all the pieces. But... I don't regret sharing what I have. I don't care if it isn't me who figures it out— as long as someone can. ( He's willing to trade in his memories to give someone better-equipped a chance to make a difference. ) I don't like... that he's hurting the people I care for.

[insinning]

...Ah. 'Recursive Fool's Errand'. Did it happen then?

[Just a small seed then, planted to bloom now. Sinclair sees that remnant of Mithrun, glitterng. That anger]

...if all you have to you right now is a feeling of vengeance and anger, use it. If you don't like what he's doing, keep feeding those feelings. He can't take it all away from you then.

[tablescraps]

( Recursive Fool's Errand... That feels like so long ago. )

... I don't know for sure. It might be. ( His data did interact with an abnormal glitch, and an abnormal Area... ) He wouldn't talk to me directly until just recently. When everyone started hearing him. That he's reaching out to so many now... might also be a sign, I think.

( Sudden changes in MO never bode well when dealing with enigmatic entities.

He's quiet, for a moment. )

It's possible I might fail. Even if I try. ( That's life - and he is of simple purpose, if his new memories are to be believed. ) I don't want to ask you to save me. The weight of that's too heavy. ( Save yourself first, is what he means. ) But I don't think you'd want to kill me, either, or walk away. What would you do then?

[insinning]

...the coming of the Wave?

[But Mithrun was different. A slow erosion of self no one could notice until now, because of how Mithrun had been behaving. Sinclair shakes his head]

...I'm not a hero. I barely know what I'm doing. [The desperate questions, the frantic run from point A to point B - scrambling for any information he can use to protect the people around him] But I want to try. I don't want to run away.

[He studies Mithrun and thinks: oh. This is where their vengeance pact would lead them to. He doesn't want to kill Mithrun but:]

I'm angry, Mithrun. I can't just walk away now.

[Beware of him that is slow to anger; for when it is long coming, it is the stronger when it comes, and the longer kept. Abused patience turns to fury.

And Sinclair's fury was an inferno that knew no boundaries]

[tablescraps]

( At mention of the Wave - he nods. Still speculation. But he has good reason to believe he might be right.

... )

... Don't lose yourself in your anger, like I did. Don't lose yourself completely.

You have people who love you, too.

[insinning]

...yeah. I know. [He finally lets go of Mithrun to look at the bookshelves, placing the book "Anthroposophy for Dummies"]

...I was in a dungeon with Winter. It looked like my home. She was there. I nearly lost myself then, but Winter pulled me back. [He picks up the next book - Stardust - and holds it out to Mithrun] Everyone has pulled me back each time. Justy. Hani. Oria. You.

[Sinclair could only feel anger this keenly because he loved so deeply. And even those whose touch was lighter, he felt their convictions when they told him to stop. It was only now, as it all came together, he really understood what it all meant]

I wont lose myself anymore. But...if nothing else, I want to be selfish. I want justice.

[tablescraps]

( ... He takes the book, paging through it. He's not in much state to read - though he holds a conversation, his mind is a stressful scramble of too many things, too many memories lost at once and too many memories and beliefs gained much too fast - but he does skim through the lines, vaguely. )

... Okay. I'll be counting on you, if I can't be the one to do it.

( Counting on him to find justice - counting on him to be the guillotine; either toward him, or Lily and CC Corp, or whoever else might be tormenting him. )

[insinning]

Mm. You don't need to worry about me so much anymore. I've gotten a little stronger.

[The pieces have come back together, melded by heat. The cracks are there, and wont ever disappear.]

Like you said, there are people who love me too.

[ But he's not as afraid anymore, when there are so many hands willing to drag him back up and help him work out what he needs to put back into place]