altimit | [open] BIRTHDAY PICNIC

[open] BIRTHDAY PICNIC

Who ꕤ EVERYONE
What ꕤ zelkova's picnic-birthday bash!
When ꕤ oct 3
Where ꕤ Holzig Camping Grounds
Content Warnings ꕤ some grief, probably

PRE-PICNIC

[ The invitations have all been sent out, but there's still prep work to be done. The food and drinks have to be made, the decorations crafted and set up along with the tents and such. An eclectic mix of players are organizing this event: Mr_Misteaks, tylorific, Vogel, Mithrun1, and tabibito. Hien (!) has kindly (tabibito's phrasing) volunteered to help them set up. Though in the end, it's more like four capable adults and two problem children (who have stringent orders to stay AWAY from the knives).

Should anyone else choose to come early to help out, they'll be welcomed with smiles. There's joy in the air, though loss tinges it at the edges.

Before the party starts, however, Hien will be gone. And before that, the group presents Hien with a small "cake" of his own: a savory spring galette. ]

HAPPY, SAD BIRTHDAY

[ At noon is when the guests are told to arrive, with the party lasting until sunset.

Holzig Camping Grounds looks a little different! The decorations are simple and colorful; banners of varying quality hang over the tents and weave through the trees. Most notable are the silver and gold balloons that read: Happy 0 Birthday! There are thick logs for seating and some foldout seats for those with sensitive bums around the lone campfire, lit and flickering wildly.

The tents are also set up for some reason! (They're for naps.)

There are multiple picnic tables. The first and smallest provide finger sized portions of tamago sando and fruit sando. The next couple of tables are bigger: build-your-own bars for sandwiches, salads, hotdogs, burgers, and s'mores! There is, of course, a table for alcohol and other drinks.

At the center table is a cake, German chocolate and winter-themed with five little fondant ornaments placed by five different hands, and strangely enough, there is a dish of roast pork with parsley sauce right next to it. If asked what the dish is, tabibito will answer with something that sounds like "Steak Flakes Persimmons" at first before they pronounce it properly and fluidly: Stegt flæsk med persillesovs.

Eat up! Have fun chatting! And don't forget to dedicate a toast to Zelkova! ]

A BREAK

[ A little out of the way, in a small clearing, guests will notice there are a couple of ugly pinatas strung about: there are exactly three of them and they're all the letter C in a putrid green. Guests are encouraged to use their own weapons, though a wooden stick is provided.

If piñatas aren't their thing, there's also a giant watermelon, a blindfold in the design of an angry pomchi, and a wooden baseball bat. Ok, so watermelon smashing is a beach thing, but why not take their anger out on something right? They've all been through a lot. ]

SHE DANCES ON THE WIND

[ Midway through the party, tabibito calls for a moment of remembrance for Uta. tabibito will toast to her memory with a quiet smile because she was all smiles all the time and so full of drive - but everyone is free and welcome to honor her memory as they wish. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ hani listens, each word taken in and considered carefully. ]

You were angry... and hurt? I can't see mere anger pushing you to that extent, so I think there was probably more to it.

[Sinclair is quiet fora very long moment and then, finally:]

...the week we got stuck here, my family's graves were desecrated.

[ Soft, uncertain]

I didn't really get a chance to process it...[because he was basically sedated and other things were happening]

But now, there's less for me to do...

[ oh.

emil… their emil. ]

…

[ hani carefully places the mug down, nestled in blankets, stabilized by liquid weight. then they shift and hug him to them. ]

I love you. I’m sorry.

[ His eyes go hot, despite himself and he wraps his arms around Hani in turn, hugging him firmly]

Thank you. For loving me.

[He's so angry he could scream]

I can't let go...

Don’t let go. The you that’s angry, the you that’s hurt. The you that loves your family, the you that hates the tragedy of their passing. The you that might hurt someone.

[ each “you” laced with love. ]

Don’t let go. All of those pieces are important.

I don't like all those parts of me though.

[ He feels like he needs to cut it up, divide it neatly so he can fit in the world]

[ very quietly: ]

No one likes all of themselves.

[ they kiss his shoulder, arms clutching all of him. ]

Accepting those parts as necessary, living with them despite hating some of them - if you don't, you'll constantly fight with yourself. You'll be torn when you could be whole.

[he clings to hani, his thoughts catching on that - no one, huh?

but he doesn't pursue it, as he tries to piece things back together]

...that part of me is violent though. Scary. [ He squeezes a bit more.] When I think about how much I want that person dead...

[ ... ]

When you think about how much you want that person dead... by your hand?

It's awful, right?

[ Shaking ]

...but yes. I want to kill her. Maybe she'll let me go then.

...

[ emil is shaking, but hani's hold remains steady. so does their voice. with soft, even tones, they tell him a story. ]

I killed Morgan once. At the time, he wasn't the version we love. He... made me angry. So I dragged him into the water and drowned him. Just like that. [ caught him in the tangle of their will and held him until there was nothing left. watched every breath bubble out of him. ] That was when death in this game wasn't as real. But, Emil... I know with full certainty that I would do it again even though our conditions have changed.

[ they love everyone and yet they love so few. ]

She can't have you.

[ but what they mean is: I would drown her, too. ]

[Hani's words are a calm that still the raging storm that threaten to swallow Sinclair whole. Each word, a droplet. He thinks about what Mithrun was like before, what Hani is like now.

He understands a little.

Things people didn't like about themselves, huh?

He reaches up and pets Hani's hair gently.]

I think...I understand. They're both 'Morgan' but one is a stranger in a way.

[Soft, uncertain ]

Thank you.

[These are anchors, holding him at bay, just for now]

It must have been difficult, after...

[ after.

in the moment, during the act, easy as breathing. ]

The difficult part was finding the words. As always, it’s the words.

[ drifting off into the wind, hard to catch and hard to make sense of. ]

But. Emil. I wasn’t satisfied, after. I just felt hollow. Even though I know I would do it again, I also know, now, that I won’t be satisfied the next time either. Or the next when I…

[ do that again. try to kiss him again. try to love him again. they’re not sure why they’d want to. but they feel the itch in their bones.

hani shakes their head. this is about emil. ]

You won’t be satisfied - after. The world still won’t be fair when you come out of it. The terrible things, they still happened. But so did the wonderful things.

[ Sinclair nods, looking down. It's so unlike what Mithrun has told him; that he wont feel like this anymore once it's done. That he wont be twisted up in knots, every breath panicked and torn]

...I hope it wont. Be satisfying, I mean. Because that'd make me like her and--

[ A short breath as be buries his face against Hani's hair]

It's so unfair. But I want to keep all of this safe too.

[ strangely, that makes them smile, and they nuzzle back against him. ]

You won’t be like her. [ so it’s a her. hani stores that information in the dark recesses of their mind. ] You are not like her. You are only ever made to be what you are, and that’s beloved.

[ they don’t know her, but they know this. ]

But you do need to let this anger out in some way before it tears you apart. Tell me about her? All your angry thoughts. Let them out.

She...was a classmate of mine. [ Isn't it strange, realising there are still people in his life who don't know what happened. Maybe it's a good thing.]

She always made me uncomfortable but after an incident...[ He trails off, awkward and unsure, skipping through things he doesn't want to touch on again]

She killed my family a few days before Christmas. I came home, and...

[ hani doesn’t say they died too soon because the reality is people die when this unfair world (though beautiful, though wondrous) decides their time is up. that’s what hani has always believed.

but they can say as they stroke his back: ]

I wish you had more time with them, my love.

[ because that, too, is true. ]

You found them. Did she tell you what she did directly?

...I saw her. She pushed my sister down the stairs and...

[He holds Hani a little more tightly. He's gone through this before. It should be easier to say now]

She killed everyone but left me alive.

[ emil saw her… and she must have planned it that way, for him to see, for him to feel true despair.

hani curls into him, as though if they held him tighter they could take him into them where it’s safe, the spot within them that they will carve out for him. ]

It sounds like… she wanted to own your future.

[Sinclair swallows back his tears. Funny how some days, he can say what happened word for word without flinching. Other days...]

...absolute control. [softly] She came back. Before the conference. My family's graves were....

[He holds onto Hani tightly, letting them draw him in]

[ it would be nice if she could drown in her own misery - or punished in a way that would set everything to rights. but that’s impossible.

so hani reminds emil of what is possible, what’s necessary to remember: ]

Should your hands be stained, I would still take them and love you just the same.

[ the first truth, the everlasting truth. and now the second: ]

But listen, remember. There’s a version of your family that only exists in you and no one else. They live on in you. Once you’re gone, there will be no one else to remember the specific way your parents smiled at you in the mornings, in the evenings - or the special note in your sister’s voice when she would say your name. Once you’re gone, they’re gone. Don’t let her take any of that.

[ and the last truth: ]

Whatever you decide, I will support you, always.

[These are heavy truths to carry.

But they're good truths, bright and golden in their Hani-like way. They're not platitudes designed to make him feel better. They're words to remind him of the truth, like little blessings. He dries his face and leans up to kiss Hani on the cheek.]

...thank you, Hani. I will remember. All of this.

[All these truths held deep in him. Kromer can't touch that. Hani's words were more powerful than the fear she inflicted on Sinclair simply by existence]

You know, in every world, I'd like to meet you again and again.

[From another person, it might be a confession or proposal. But it's Hani, who understands in an undefinable way what his love means and has their own unique Hani way of loving people in turn]

[ hani accepts the kiss with pleasure, and then he says the words. of course, hani understands what he means, this feeling that dances around them both. ]

Emil.

[ eye shining, hani pushes him onto his back; their forgotten drink wobbles dangerously but hani gives no thought to it. they dive for emil. at first it seems like they’re going to kiss him on the lips, but the course is changed last second, catching the corner of where his mouth meets his cheek, then his nose, then his forehead. all in quick succession before they press their foreheads together, nuzzling his nose in an eskimo kiss, smiling wide.

hello, love. ]

Eh? Hani--

[ Ah. Suddenly he's been pushed back and--

Sinclair hadn't been prepared for the attack of kisses or the sheer joy radiating off Hani either. But it makes him smile and he holds still so Hani can give him the eskimo kiss they want to give even as he reaches up to pet Hani's hair]

That surprised me...

[ hani happiness washes over them both like scattered stars, and every time they blink it’s just stardust everywhere.

eventually, they have to pull back because emil is speaking. ]

A love surprise! [ that sounds right. they don’t seem to have any intention of moving off of him just yet. ] How do you feel now? Did it help to let the thoughts trickle out?

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cw: drowning

Re: cw: drowning

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