tablescraps: (Default)
Mithrun of House Kerensil ([personal profile] tablescraps) wrote in [community profile] altimit 2023-09-01 12:45 am (UTC)

cw: oblique suicidal ideation

( The anger surprises him, in both touch and tone. He doesn't expect anyone to get angry on his behalf - it settles strange in his chest, something that constricts around the heart, that someone would.

His gaze drifts to the springs ahead - the waters misting hot. His parents were cold-blooded, it's true; he's always known it, and he had, as a child, loved and hated every sharp and carving word, every barren-hearted gesture. In this regard, he and his brother had been the same: though they both teetered on the edge of their parents' loathing, they couldn't help but want their approval. What child, even in the face of an iron-wired mother, could not help but want to be loved? )


... I think that... ( and this he says idly in a lower tone, building on these thoughts he had not articulated out loud, ) ... it might be best for my brother if I went away, too.

( He wouldn't be dying for his brother. He wouldn't be dying for his parents, either. It would just be happy coincidence, that his absence might be some improvement in other people's lives. His brother, Mithrun presumes, is just too nice to articulate this want.

And then, properly audible: )


... The man who made me hungry. ( The professor. ) He's also why I'm like this. My accident... I want to get him back.

( This is the PG-13 answer, but no less true. He wonders if Barrett will still be angry for him. )

My choices were my choices. But I can't ignore what he did.

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