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⬣//ILLNESS BEYOND CONTAINMENT, DEATH WITHOUT LIMIT
You wake to the sound of silence— no early morning birdsong, no rustling leaves, not even the sound of your own breathing reaches your ears. For a single moment, you feel as if time has frozen, your mind held in stasis, until a familiar boyish lilt hits your ears. A beat later and he's standing before you, a smile stretching from cheek to cheek, but that smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Good morning, sleepyhead! I was wondering when you'd wake up. Are you well? Does anything hurt?
Mm, not that it makes much difference to me. If you're in pain, know that it's only temporary. If you're unhappy, you won't stay that way forever. This world is a world of miracles, one where everything that hurts you can be forgotten and destroyed!
Ah, but some of you don't believe me when I say that. Some of you still think the world that's hurt you oh so much is better than one where you can make all that pain go away. Don't you want to be happy? Why are humans so addicted to their own suffering?
I think it's time to find out!"
The boy vanishes before you can get a word in edgewise. Try to reach out and touch him and your hand will pass straight through. You now have, at least, a solid idea of what Lily looks like. It's only a shame that there is little you can do to stop him.
On the same day Lily made his presence known to all of Fragment, another equally sweet young boy has mysteriously vanished.
In the monster-laden streets of Mac Anu, shreds of bloodied white fabric can be found scattered about. A single golden horn can be found in the canal, roughly shorn and badly scuffed.
It's unclear who or what injured Zelkova, but no matter where you search or how hard you try to find him, no further clues will turn up.
When attempting to message Zelkova, who appears online as he always does, you'll always receive the same response—
"Hi! I'm Zelkova!"
In the wake of Zelkova's absence is a feeling of unease. You may feel anxious, scared, perhaps even angry over the perpetual downturn of events. In fact, you'll find that it's gotten very difficult to manage your own emotions.
Throughout the next two weeks, you'll steadily get more and more emotional. Small inconveniences will throw you into a rage. Stubbing your toe will make you lapse into hysterics. A smile from a friend may fill your heart with longing and your loins with lust.
No matter how you might try to quell the tempest of emotion inside of you, nothing seems to work. Every feeling is magnified, every feeling is intense, and all you can do is allow yourself to be taken by emotion.
It's a shame Zelkova isn't here to assure you that everything will be fine, just fine. Fine, fine, fine…
You may hear stirrings amongst the NPCs in various Root Towns that something unusual is occurring at Twilight Shoreline. Some claim that the sky itself has been ripped and torn while others make mention of an unusual figure lingering in the waves.
It may be tempting to gate in and investigate these unusual rumors yourself, but be warned: you may not leave in the same condition you arrived.
Do you remember what it was like to be a real human being? To have a life, a purpose, a meaning outside of the digital world? That must be nice. Memories are such lovely, precious things.
Unfortunately, what little remains to you will be taken away with the loss of your third and final core memory. Several other memories from your time in the outside world will disappear as the days roll by, slowly but surely erasing who you were and making room for who you have become: a swordsman, an adventurer, a catgirl, a being who has never known anything beyond the boundaries of Fragment.
Still, some pieces of your old identity remain, desperately clinging onto your old concept of self. Those with the drive to escape Fragment and return to the real world will still feel that flame burning deep within even if they no longer remember what sparked it. Not all hope is lost, but the worst has yet to come.
A foul wind blows, billowing through Root Towns and Recreational Areas alike. On the wind, you hear the whispers of forgotten memories, both your own and those of the people trapped with you. Though you may no longer recognize those memories as your own or those of your friends, you can't help but feel as if some part of you has been clawed out and torn to shreds. It's a sad, lonely, isolating feeling, b̵͓̘͎͍̅̄͛́ú̷̹͕̒̀͝t̴̟̥̮͖̗̆̃̾͋̋̎̄̉͐̋͆̇̕͘ ̴̢̥̬̼͚̰̬̰͍̥͉̝̦͕̥̰̎̈́̃̅͆̉̈́̀̏̏̇̀͜í̵̧̧̥͓͇̠̗̤̺̖̼̬̪́̓̐̽̿̽͗͜t̴̨̲͎̼̦̱̪̬̭͖̓̾̈̄̈́̒̎͆̇̕͠ ̸̢̣̰͈̝͈̫̦͉͕̋͂̐͗̓̽́̈͛̃͑̓̚͜͝ẁ̷̙͛̍̑̈́̅͂͊̓̽̈̌̋͘͝ó̷̢̮̟͙̹̤̭̬̬̰͓̣͑͆̂̈́̎͂̒̌̊̽͘̚̚͜͠͠ņ̵̢̛̦̖̆͆͂̽̑̊'̷̢̮̫͚̜̭̰̙̭͚͓̭͙̺͑͜ţ̸̛̛̘͚̘̯̲̖̰̝̖͙̥͊̉̑̄̽̀̆̎̈́̅͘͜͝ ̶̩́̈̈́̌͑̿̆̾̈́͊̀̈́͘̚͝͝l̴̲͕̩̊́a̶̫̪̽̒̌̀̑̍̿̕s̶̱͉̩̣̒͆̽͗̽̊͂̚̕͠͝t̸̢̧̨̹̬̹͈̣̮͈̣͚̰̳̲̤͌͗̊͗̎͂̎͗̏̆̀̀͑̽̑̿͠ ̴̩̺͕̳̝̘̳̣͎͚̰̇̈́̈́͑͐̈̈̏̀͂̈́̍̽̑ͅf̷̛̙̖̲́͒͐̏̒̿̆͆̑̎͐̄̉o̷̱̭̙͗̌͆͗́̆̌́͗̚͘ȓ̷̡̢̦̠̖̟̻̬͚͈͔̥͓̟̤̋̿̃̎̌͗̂̽̐͛͆͠e̵̼̻͓̺̖͓̞̘̤͎̤͓͚͔͚͔̓̈́͘v̵̡̖̳̗̼͉̻͓̗̠̝̭͍̆͒ͅê̷̱̄̀ͅr̴̤̠̜̞͉̘̙̠̙̩̣̫̮̘͖͉̿͋̈͊̓̓͜.̷͓̯̒͐̏̋̓͗̄̉̓̎̒̾̚͝͝ͅ ̸͖̘̞̼͓͚̝̘̙͓͔̱̗͍̏̑̐̔̋̉͂̈̿̆͂̋̋̈S̵̢̫̭̠̩̻̩̈́̔̅̾͛͛̌̃̑͐̈̕͝o̵̡͖̙̘̟͕̗̲̒͋̇̿̔̍͒̈́̏͑͆̉̀͒́̕̕ö̸̜́̽̈́̀̆̐̂̉̔́̅̔̆ň̵̛̥͍̘͕̫̝͔̼̮̝̤̎̀̉̔̍̊͜,̸̨̛͇͙̺̱͎͙͖͎́̈̈̀̂͜͝ ̵̩̯̯̟̂̒͊̌̆̆y̵̢̜̘̘͗͂̎̓͒̿͑̇̆̉̋͘͠͠o̷̢̨̜̹̣̗̤͍͇̅́ŭ̷̞̇̈̑̂͊͂̓͋̅̌͐͘'̴̡̨̡̰̘̠͉͈̥̓͜l̴̡̡̰̖͙͕̹̹̝̖͉̓̿l̸̢̧̞̜̻̝͈̙̫̈́̒̈́̐̀̄̿̈́̀̄̚͘͘̕͜ ̵̛̗̗̙̩̙̝̩̟͎̗͉̠̉̋̒́̐̐̀̄̃̐́̎͒̕͝b̵̨̡̢͖̺̼͔͓̬̟̭͕̈̈̓̒̓͌ȩ̷̥̟̳̲̝̩̝̱͎̲͆̔̕͜͠ ̷̧͈̠͈͓͉̭͔̪͕͖̫͇̼̩͓̣̔̆̈́̋̓́̂̉̔̎͂̒̈́͂͂̈́̚ḥ̷̛͍͇͈̼̺̣̦͕̪̹̘̝̅̂̌͗̾̋͌̈́̾̂͠͝͝a̶̢̛̝͔͚̠̻̗̞̿̊̆͒̐̅̉͗͒̉͘̕͠ͅp̵̓̍̾̓͊̌̑̈͋̾͒͜͝p̶̳͎͙̹̎͆̿͠ͅy̸̨̧̡̩͚̯̪͕̽̓̅̀̇̕͜.̷͍͙̹̓͛͐̀͐́͝ ̷̺̼͖̔͐̏̈̾̈́̆̿̅͝͠͠Y̷̢̛͗̀͛o̵̢͖͖͈̙͒̄̆̉̀̆͌̉͜u̵̫̩͓͖̲̝͔̲̎̏̐̈̓̚͘'̵̡̨̻͍̲͚͔̤̼̬̪̠́͌́́̒̕͠l̷̫͔̜̍͆̍͋̔͆͒̾̑͑̐͒̈l̴̡̩̳̟̩͕̗̠͗̓̆̚͝ ̶̯͈͕̜̤̗͚̙̗̝͒̃̎́̒̂̔͑́͊̈́̓͒͌̅͝k̶͕̬̳̰̝̮͈͉̰͊́̃͘͜ṋ̵̎̃͛̾̃͐̂̔̿̔͐̓̍ő̴̫͔̐̂͑͛͋̈́̂̈́̈̚ẅ̵̛̮̪̝̖̰͖́̃̇̃̇̅̓̇̕̚͠ ̴̢̫͕̻̜͇̝̺̣̟̥̥͉̖̗̱̙̇͑͆̿̓͑̕ņ̷̨̢̩̳̱̝̩͖̼̰̩͙̫͆̄͐ơ̶̢̧̢̡̰̜̰̞̭͓̹͔̲̱̄͋̄͐̆̏́͗̏̀͂̓͗͋͊͘ ̷̘͈̰͖̰͂͛͌̑̿̀͗͑́̽̊͂̒̚͝ͅp̸̯̤̀̄̀a̵͇̖̖̹͗͑̈͐̉̽͂̚͝ḭ̴̫̫͚̻̥̮̲̫͈̹̮̞̲̘̩̪̄͐͐̄̈́̒͌̇̇̽̓̆͗̒͝n̷͓̥̬̠͔̗̯̬͈̪̞̪̗̘̩̲̭͗̏.̷͙̹̥̗̼̉̽̆̈́͘̕͠͝ ̸̞͔̱͙̑̄̈́̂̔̎̃̓̐̚H̷̨̲̗̲͙̗̱̠̗̹͔̥̦̋͒̈́̆͑̚͜á̵̧̛̛̟͎͈̲̼̣̊̆̇̐͆̌͒̀̚͠ͅp̶͎̠̫͖̗͋͑̏͑͛̈́̏͋̈̇͘p̸͈̟̦̠̮͚̫̥̅̍̐̏͆̂̀̒̇̂́͌̐́̕i̵̡̡̘͔͍̭̱̜̯̞͎̬͈̗̎̀̈͒̆̀̓̈͜͝n̵̜̑̃̔͠e̴̡̢̦̩͙͚̦̥͎̩̰̓̈́̿̎̔͌s̸̥͓̱̗͙̥̺͖̥͉̱̹̟̀́̀̆̑͂̌͜ͅś̵͚̮̝̤̭̘͎͔̝͔̤͙̤̮͓̘̒͋̂͗̍̓̔ ̵̦͖̩̠͉̹̘͎̮͓͙̙̣̜̘͋͊̏͊̋̊̈̓́͆̌̚͝c̷̨͕͕͕̖͉̹͔͎̦̠̱̍ǎ̷̫̬̪̘̠͔͍͍̹̞͉̈́̃̓̊͆͘͠ń̸̢͆͒̀̀͂̊̆̚̕̕ ̶̙̺͇̬̼̪̩̮͗͌̍̈̀̀͝b̸̡̺̞̳̗̳̙̗̯̠̦̼̻̭̑͗̋̔͒̀̾̅̄̊̾̾͘e̴̢̢̘̜̟̯͎̜̭̞̼͚̟̾́̓͊̊̃̄͌̃̓͆̽̕ͅ ̵͔̝̖̖͚̓͂f̷̡̛̝̳͎̼̼̱̪͈͙̣͖͙̘̞̺̮̉͑͘͝͝ő̷̧̹̦͓̰̦̯̝̣̱̲̠̩̟̺́̋̅́͒̈̏͘͝u̸͍͍͇̟̲̟̟̺̓̌̍͑͒͌́̌̽̐͊̚̚͝n̴͓̺͕̜͚̲͍͍̰̙̖̘̪͓̙̘͇̍͑͛͊͂̄̾̿̍͋͊̂̈́̕͝d̴̺̟̞̙͍͓̪͈͋̓̇͌̚͜ͅ ̵̛̮̯̪̤̫͖̠͔̫̥̬̰͈͍͚̇̀͗̐͗̈̚͝͝͝ę̶̡̦̜͙͔̜̩̽̇̀v̵̢̡̗̥̬͉͍̱̲̻̘̝̮́̅̍̈́͑̌̏̚̕ͅͅͅë̶̝̳̤́͋̈͗͋̍̊̽͋̕͝n̵̪͓̠͖̫̫̩̻͚͍̬̤͆͗͊̉̾̌͐̾͑̑̍̈́̕ͅ ̷̙͍͓̂̔̓̃̄̚͝i̵̧̨̮͕̱͓͕̦͇̲̹̋̐̈́̆͜ͅn̷̝͈͇̹͚̝̏̄ ̴͇̪̬̈́̏͗̃̄͌̐̊͝ͅd̵͔̖̠͈̮̃̍͗̀̋͛͗̈́̏͂̇̇̕ę̴̪̟̰͍̱̘͇̼̻̤͎̇͊̐ą̷̧̪̭̖̣̖͎̪͌̒̐̄̑͊̐͑̕t̵̡̧̡̯̬̗̞̰̪͇͉͎͍̝̰̄̓͌̈́͆̿̔͐̇̈́h̷̥̖͔̆͑͊͛͂͠.̵̛̹̃̒́̋̾̒̔̓̒͛͆̓̃̕͠
no subject
[ their expression softens, full blue and dark purple. affection for spider lily.
(but does spider lily want to be reborn? that’s not a question he can answer for them, so they don’t ask.) ]
…And the names?
no subject
[There's something final about the statement, very delicately apologetic in its far reaches, as though he does not expect to be able to ask the question ever again.]
I don't think he would have told me. It's not my purpose anymore.
no subject
[ steel quickly takes over again. they look up at the voices, at the wind and listen. purpose? did he have one? could the voices tell them? no… ]
The list of names I asked you to keep in your heart.
[ through smeared faces and distorted voices, they remember at least that. ]
no subject
His face instantly twists as his eyes drop back down to the flower in his hands, fingers trembling in effort not to clench them.]
...I know the names. I promised.
But it doesn't matter anymore. That promise was for her just like it was for you.
I broke her. I'll break them, too. Just like I could break you.
no subject
[ they cut through his words. ]
Wasn’t. Her.
no subject
[Snapped right back.]
She was all I had left. I remembered her. But I destroyed her as soon as she came back to me. She's dead now.
Remembering their names doesn't follow my purpose. It doesn't bring her back. It doesn't change that this is where I belong. I was never meant to be with any of them, or any of you.
I was only meant to be here.
no subject
[ they want to - they grit their teeth. they want to say those names into the wind, too. to let the voices take them, take the weight of carrying a problem more than twice their size.
… but they don’t because he did remember… the names. like he promised. ]
You are so quick to throw away - everything. [ including himself. oh, bear. - no, stay locked in there, where it’s safe. don’t come out where he can see. ] Open all those eyes.
no subject
There's nothing left to throw away. You want me to remember pointless data. It doesn't give me what Lily needs.
I know now that I'm not a person like you, Tabibito. Lily showed me. I'll want to tear it all to pieces until I understand, I won't stop--
[His hands tighten, and the flower he'd been holding so carefully crushes in an instant. He stops as though stricken, expression drawing up with an intense remorse... before dulling back to nothing, releasing his hand and letting the remnants of the plant crumple to the street.
Inevitable. It was inevitable. And fire churns in him, dark and dangerous.]
...Why would you let Spider Lily have his paradise? Why can't I have mine, too?
no subject
and that’s what matters. ]
Because I love him. And… it was there in him before Lily. [ what is the it? they don’t elaborate. it’s not theirs to share. ] After Lily, the shape of it change. Just the shape.
[ and they had already made their decision regarding that before they were all trapped. ]
For all that you’ve gained - nothing. For all that you’ve lost - everything. Even now peaces slip between your fingers like that flower. What’s the point then? You should just tear us all up, us and Lily, and see what you find. Maybe then you’ll learn to put the pieces back together.
no subject
Maybe I could. But cruelty isn't what I crave.
I'm here to see the darkness of your heart. Your anger and jealousy. Your desire for revenge.
Would you kill Lily? Would you kill me? For the ones you love, would you do that?
*pieces, my phone im gomen
That doesn't really describe me at all. [ darkness, what color is that? they could ask the monster inside them, but could it answer? anger, maybe. it knows anger and hunger intimately. but not jealousy all that much, and even less of revenge. ] But it describes you and him. It was there all along, all along.
[ his last few questions are answered with patience and certainty: yes. ]
Of course, I would. That choice will always be on the table. Are you going to try to force me?
[ asking the wind, asking him. ]
been there friend its ok
[If there's sentiment that should be hitting, it seems to go over his head... though he does give pause to look at their shoulder. A flicker of something - remembrance, tucked into guilt - before it vanishes. A glimpse and nothing else.]
Would I have to?
What would it take for you to be so furious you had to act? You let me break you. How much would you let me break someone else before you became so angry you couldn't take it?
You called it your monster.
no subject
[ here, hand over their heart. this is where it should ache. ]
I do call it my monster. But you see, I make the choice to let it out. It’s not always the shape of anger.
[ they leave his question unanswered. ]
Have you ever been so angry that you’re aware of every single thought running through your mind? Or every single action you take and will take? Of how absurdly irrational every decision you make is, but you decide to make them anyway?
Or do you just lose yourself? I wonder which version Lily is looking for.
1/2
A hand ghosts to his chest. Not understanding.]
/2
That's not something I can answer. What I remember of my own anger, from all those memories that didn't belong... it made me feel as though something was devouring me. When I was first waking up, when I still thought I was another, I attacked Vogel, because I felt embarrassed and unheard. I attacked you, Tabibito, because my fist didn't care who took my aggression.
I don't see that starvation in anyone else. It's why I need to know.
no subject
… You were worried for me, once, when I talked about being unheard, not taken seriously because of how I am. You kept it in mind since.
[ they don’t know if he still does. slowly, they get to their feet. ]
I am not starving. I overflow with so many things. Whatever you’re looking for, you won’t find it in me. [ not in any way that will satisfy him. they may show him their anger in the near future, but they wonder if it’ll be what he expects. ] But I do think your answer is closer than you know.
no subject
[There's a detachment to how he lays it out, as though looking through a window at a scene outside rather than inward. Things he can recall, but that he knows won't be him when everything is said and done.]
...
What is it like to overflow, Tabibito?
Do you ever drown in yourself?
no subject
… who can reach him now but lily? but they can’t… can’t bear to give up on him… ]
I miss you.
[ finally a smile, a fragile curve between brittle edges, and they don’t quite look at him as they do. ]
No. I cannot. I don’t think there’s enough of me to drown in. It seems when I overflow, it’s always with someone else. Perhaps that’s how it is for everyone.
Tell me if you ever find out - if Lily teaches you how to overflow.
[ they linger for a beat. the voices continue to whisper, and his eyes still stare. ]
Goodbye for now, Bear-kun.
no subject
I wonder if I could. If I overflowed like the canals... maybe I would just destroy. I would destroy until something else destroyed me.
[But Tabibito's words sound rather final, as though they don't plan to extend this observation much longer. Disappointing. He knows this one can't be forced easy for what he wants, and cruelty isn't his to collect.]
...I will watch you, Tabibito. If your monster is there, I want to see it. I want to be there when it breaks free.
I want to see what I saw in you when your shoulder snapped. Your heart feels dark and unapologetic things for the sake of others.
[His attention turns back to the canals, frown setting, firm like stone. Grasping at what is now nothing but a void of sensation where there was once something, someone, a frail skeleton left to anchor words and context.]
I wonder how aggressive love can be. It must be bright in the hands of someone like you.
no subject
You wonder, you want, but you never take. How much longer will you stall? How can love be aggressive in the hands of someone like you as you are now?
[ a sliver of pain in this voice as they drift away, caught on the wind. ]
How much of him will be left when you’re finally done wasting time? Anything?
[ eventually they’re too far to hear him, like he’s too far gone to hear them. ]