( A sharp, involuntary whine of pain escapes him as the knee presses into him, the audible sound of cracked bones straining audible. But what hurts, really, is the finality, and his struggle goes still.

He'd been rejected by Barrett in some small ways, smoothed over and compensated for. There were caveats and promised and suggestions things could change between them with circumstance. If Mithrun sets aside revenge, if I finish helping Lily; things that seemed so deceptively achievable, and nothing that asked them to set their feelings aside.

This is firm, though, maybe if only by circumstance. There isn't really any going back. They only are can be what they are. And there's no room for him in this program's heart. He knows. He wasn't enough. )

... Then, keep being jealous. I like you. Even then, even now.

( His breathing strains under the pain from his ribs, and his arm jerks again, as if trying to get free, even knowing it's useless.

The crevice in his chest seems to split only wider, little by little, beneath his knee pressed there.

The more it burns, the more he wants to try. )

I don't care if it makes you hate me. I'm not going to stop.